I want to look pretty for you,
Even if you don't show.
I want to look pretty for you,
Just so you know.
I want to be perfect for you,
You know I try so hard.
I want to be perfect for you,
But I'm so scarred..
These words are true,
They come from the heart.
These words are true,
Listen please, to every part.
I know you love me,
You show it in many ways.
I know you love me,
But I hate the movies my mind plays...

Swollen knuckles and
Bruised up shoulders,
It hurts me to see him hurt;
Especially with everything
He has to go through.
His eyes are always shadowed
With pain and anger.
He is a Ghost of red,
Living a life of Blood.
He is one of 'mine'
And the way he lives scares me,
Makes me afraid for him.
He fights
With others and himself.
I know him well enough
To know when something's wrong.
Even when he denies it,
I see right through the "I'm fine."
He's never really happy;
Rarely does he smile.
It breaks my heart
To watch him suffer.
I do my best to help
But it's not quite enough.
It's so unfair
For him to deal with all this,
Because he's such a good person
Regardless of the things he's done.
The reasons justify his actions;
He does what he believes is right.
I can tell when he feels
Even a little overwhelmed
Cuz I know his signs of stress.
He's a person who's got your back;
He'll be there for you if you need him.
You can trust him
And count on him to keep his word.
He's one of the best people you could know.
He is Vinny.

I say goodbye to my heart
As it gets torn apart.
All the pieces go to him.
I hope he'll put them together again.
I'll wait for him as long as I need
Because it is for him that I bleed.

Why does this happen?
Can't things just work out for me?
Pretty, pretty please?

Looking at it makes me sad
And I don't know why.
Chills from thoughts of what I had;
I almost want to cry.
But I'm forcing myself to be strong,
And to focus on the light.
Though I don't really belong,
I will win this fight.
I'll hold back the tears
And keep my head high.
I'll push away the fears
And one day I will fly.

Dusty shadows,
Darkened windows,
Watching cars go by
In the dead of night.
Deadbolt locked
To haunting thoughts,
Staring off to space,
With an expressionless face.
None of what's inside shows,
Even though an inner storm blows.
Just watching the rain
Slide down the window pane.
Dreary, wet, and cold,
Waiting for someone to hold.
Searching for the warm light
That will bring back life.

Hold your head up honey,
Please don't cry.
I'm right here with you,
You'll be alright.
I'll help you through this,
Just keep tryin.
No matter what happens,
Just keep smilin.
Even if it takes a while,
You'll find your way home.
Wherever you are,
You'll never be alone.
Yeah....right.

I will never let you see
Just how badly you hurt me.
I wanted to be with you forever,
But now I see that it will be never.
I still love you so **** much,
But I have to give you up.
I'm making myself move on
Cuz there's no point in holding on.
I feel like you didn't care;
Like half the time you weren't there.
Losing you really broke me.
The memories are choking.
I know I lost you to her,
And the fact that you lied just burns.
So with these last words I'll say goodbye.
And resist the urge to curl up and cry.

Suppose I          loved
                  hate
you.
Did        you really          love
       do                    hate
me too?
Or        were
      are
you just lying?

So sad and lonely
Is the little girl blue.
But you'd be the same
If you were hurt too.
So sad and lonely
Is the little girl blue.
She's always left behind,
None of it is new.
So sad and lonely
Is the little girl blue.
You would understand
If you saw what she went through.
So sad and lonely
Is the little girl blue.
So sweet and pretty,
Like early morning dew.
So sad and lonely
Is the little girl blue...

Shooting for the stars
But I just come crashing down.
I cannot escape.

Standing alone in the rain,
I watch you walk away.
There's really nothing more I can do
Except think about and remember you.
I lay and shiver at night,
I wanna give up on this fight.
I'm waiting for the sun to come out,
But these dark clouds are my every doubt.
They're blocking out the sun;
The days are permanently done.

I'm so tired and broken
With nothing but words unspoken.
Locked inside my head
Are all words left unsaid.
Pain-filled cries go unheeded
When help is most needed.
My cheeks are streaked with tears
From my crying that no one hears.
I just wanna scream "*******!"
To all those people who have no clue
Of what I've gone through.

I think I'm gonna die
If I can't look into your eyes
At least one more time.
Each night alone is so long
And I can't keep being strong,
Even when I hear our son.
I'm determined to find a way
To see you nearly every day.
From your side I'll never stray.

Overwhelmed by this sense
Of perpetual loneliness
There's nothing more I can do
But try to make it through
I prefer my own little world
Where my hands are never curled
Into tight and angry fists
And I have no scars upon my wrists

All the stars in the night sky
Have disappeared behind the clouds.
I can see my whole life flashing by.
My silent screams for help were so loud.
But nobody heard.
Nobody heard...
All I'd wanted was someone
To help make the pain go away.
But I guess they couldn't see I was near done,
Struggling through each day.
But nobody saw.
Nobody saw...

You tuck your hands under your chin,
Trying to keep the hurt locked in.
You ball your fingers into fists,
And cover the scars on your wrists.
You want to block out the world,
As you watch where the blood has pearled.
You're wishing someone would kiss your scars.
Your tears are as countless as the stars.
You fight to keep from crying,
Though you're so tired of trying.
You feel trapped behind your lies,
And weighed down by silent cries.
All you need is just one person to see
That you're not as okay as you seem to be...

There's this heat in my heart,
It's nearly bursting out of me.
The joy bubbles up and over,
Burning away all sorrow.
I can't contain this feeling
Of utter bliss and warmth.
I'm being consumed entirely
Within the flames of hope.

It's so terrible to need someone,
And to be totally alone.
The loneliness washes over,
Drowning me in it's cold.
How can I ask for help,
When I don't know what's wrong?
It's all nearly too much to bear,
I can't go through this alone.

Where are you when I need you?
Why aren't you with me now?
It's so late at night, or early in the day,
I don't know when I'll be okay again.
The hurt is overwhelming,
The pain is crippling.
I wish you would hold me tight
And whisper that it's all okay.
I need you to say "I'm here for you..."

Nightmares cascading,
Rivers of ****** terror,
Vengeance is needed.

I whispered your name to the sea,
Wishing you'd  come back to us.
But I know there's no hope,
So I'll just visit my memories.
Nothing can bring you back.
The tears have dried on my cheeks
As I finally accept that you've gone.

If there's no sun, I've got the rain,
Which will help cover my pain.
It's so hard to stay strong,
When the lonely nights are so long.
My tears run like rivers from my eyes,
I'm trapped within my own disguise.
I wonder when the pain will end,
I wonder when I'll be okay again.
How long I've been in my hell,
How long I've hurt, I can't tell.
All I know is I'm almost through,
And there's really nothing you can do.

Save my soul, fix my heart,
Don't let me fall apart.
Silence the voices in my head,
Forget the words they never said.
I'm fighting back horrified screams,
Help me wake from these cancerous dreams.
Stuck within this torn reality,
I cannot escape from its brutality.
Subconscious demos all around me,
These mental horrors soon will drown me.
Stop me from going insane,
I'm drowning in this rain.
Please don't turn away,
I need to hear 'It's okay.'
Be the one to save my life,
I want you to hide my knife.
Teach me to believe me in myself,
I'm begging for your help.

Have I made you mad somehow?
Did I upset you in someway?
Baby please tell me what I did
So I can try to make it all okay.
If it wasn't me who upset you,
Then please tell me what's wrong.
I want to be there for you,
I want to help you be strong.
But honey, you've got to let me in,
And reveal to me your heart.
Once you tell me what it is,
I can know where to start.

'Just move on' they say, but how?
Cuz seeing your face, it kills me now.
I'm brought to my knees,
Destroyed by the memories.
I should be done with crying,
And I shouldn't be lying,
Saying "I'm really okay,"
When I can't go on another day.
I believed all you said, all your lies.
In the end you just made me cry.
The pain you caused, the hurt you bring;
It makes it so I can't breathe.
I was stupid to let myself fall.
I was stupid to give you my all.
Everything I'd heard was right,
Yet I had to be me and fight.
I was stupid and I was blind.
Why won't my heart listen to my mind?
I'm sick of the pain, tired of the tears;
Done with the way my mascara smears,
Smudged under my eyes, dark and black,
All because I want you back.
There are nights I can't sleep; you invade my thoughts.
So many tears that memories of us have brought.
I'll probably need years to heal,
And now I find trust hard to feel.
But I thank you too, you taught me this;
Never again will I fall for someone's kiss.

You always said you'd be there for me, but Mom, you're not.
Where are you? Where've you gone? I think you forgot
About all the promises you made to me.
You've never been here, you've always been away, are you ashamed of me?
I think of the times you made me cry,
And I gotta wonder why, why do I care?
I see you don't, you never did, all you've said is lies.
What about when I was five, and that boy touched me wrongly?
You seemed mad, and you told my aunt
"You can't tell her dad."
I'd thought it was my fault, I didn't know, how was I supposed to?
I think back on it now and I just break down.
Thanks to that and thanks to you, I'm so ****** up now.
You can't call yourself a mom, cuz you arent one, to my brothers or me.
I hate you and I hate me.
Sometimes I can't stop crying.
I've given up, my wrists have bled,
And sometimes I wish I was dead.
Oh how I wish to forget, forget everything.
You never mean what you say or say what you mean.
I've got hurt, shame, guilt, pain, and rage.
I keep my emotions locked up in a cage.
I never wanna see you again, just go to hell.
In shadow of your selfishness, I fell.
You're not my mom, you never were, get outta my life.
All this pain you've caused, it still cuts me like a knife.
I was forced to grow up way too fast.
Inside I'm just a little girl, scared and ashamed of my past.
I'm being destroyed inside cuz I hate myself
For something I can't help.
Don't even try to aplogize;
Saying sorry won't make up for all the lies.
Thanks to you I hide what I feel,
Thanks to you, I'll probably never heal.
I hope you're please with how I turned out to be,
Cuz it's all thanks to you, Mommy....

Your fingers ares stained red
With the blood of a lover.
Your eyes shine with tears unshed,
You're crying for another.
Your soul is dark and black,
Your heart is so cold,
Cuz you want it all back,
And you have no one to hold.
Shivering in the night,
Your hands are freezing.
You're trying to win this fight,
Even though there's no reason.
You know there's nothing good in this life,
No reason to go on.
All that's left is cruelty and strife,
You've got no one to hold on to.
You're losing your mind,
You're gonna go crazy.
They've all left you behind,
But now things are no longer hazy.
You can see the things they tried to hide,
You know all their lies.
You were just a thorn in their side,
So they left you to your own demise.
Any hope that you had is now dead,
All your wishes and dreams are gone.
But now your anger is fed,
And they'll pay for their wrong...

My fists tightly clenched,
I'm standing in front of the mirror.
I'm glaring at my reflection,
Hating the girl I see.
I watch the tears trail down my cheeks.
I stare into my own eyes,
Letting the anger build,
Letting it festeer inside me.
I let out a cry of rage,
And my left fist hits the mirror,
Right where my reflected face is.
The glass shatters and tinkles as it hits the counter.
I pull my arm back and swing again,
Ignoring the shards embedded in my knuckles.
More glass breaks, sprinkling onto the countertop.
There's blood now, trickling down my wrist.
I see it but don't heed it.
My reflection is broken,
Scattered into a thousand pieces.
Just looking into my ruined relfection,
Jaggedly repeated,
I let out a hoarse cry
And drop to my knees.
I put my hands on the top of my head,
One over the other,
And bend over my knees,
Crying openly,
My sobs echoing throughout the bathroom.
I can feel the damp warmth of my blood
Seeping onto my hair and scalp.
My cries become louder,
Turning in to high, keening wails.
There are bits of mirror beneath my knees,
Biting into my skin and drawing more blood.
I squeeze my eyes shut,
Not wanting to see the pieces of glass,
Sparkling coldly in the artificial light.

"It's time to let go," he said.
"But I'll still love you," he said.
"Oh, don't cry," he said.
"It'll only make this harder," he said.
Why did he have to say these things?
Why did he have to break my heart?
Why did he have to leave me?
Why did he have to love me?
"I know it hurts now," he said.
"But in time the pain'll fade," he said.
"We have to say goodbye," he said.
"I'm sorry it has to end this way," he said.
Why does it hurt so bad?
Why did it have to end?
Why am I crying?
Why do I care so much?
"I wish it didn't have to end," he said.
"But it does," he said.
"We'll see each other again," he said.
"I promise that in time we will," he said.
Why can't I just forget?
Why can't I just move on?
Why can't I just let go?
Why can't I just numb the pain?
"I'm going to leave now," he said.
"I know you'll be alright," he said.
"You're strong, you'll make it," he said.
"Just one last kiss," he said.
Why is this happening?
Why do things have to change?
Why won't he come back?
Why won't anyone give my answers?!
Because he said...

Yeah, yeah, you think you know me?
Nope, you don't.
You don't know me at all.
I'm not always the happy, hyper girl you see.
I'm not always laughing or playing around.
There's a side of me that I rarely show.
This is the side of me that is weak, sad, angry.
I don't show this side because it makes me vulnerable.
You can't know me, truly know me,
Not if you haven't seen this side.
This is the side of me
That cries in the middle of the night, hot tears down my cheeks,
That causes me to hurt myself and almost enjoy the pain.
I hide this part of me well.
I don't let you see this part of me,
Not unless I like and trust you.
This side of me, the weakness, anger, and depression,
I hate it and hide it.
The happiness you see,
It's nothing more than a cover, a shield.
The laughter you so often hear,
It just hides my tears, keeps them inside.
You can never know me unless...
Unless you've seen this side of me,
And find out why this side exists.

Hey Mom, this one's for you,
Another cut, another scar,
All because of you.
You lied to me
So many times.
Hey Mom, this one's for you.
Each time you lie,
I'll add another cut.
Is that okay?
Seems fine to me.
Hey Mom, this one's for you.
Did you forget about me?
Sure seems like you did.
So for that,
I'll add another cut.
Hey Mom, this one's for you.
Youtold so many lies,
I've had to switch wrists!
Hey Mom, this one's for you.
Because you've lied,
Yet again,
I'll add another cut.
Hey Mom, this one's for you.
This last final,
Fatal cut.
This one's just for you, Mom.

I'm going over the edge,
My feet slipping,
The earth crumbling.
I don't have the strength
To keep holding on.
And there's nothing left
For me to hold onto.
I'm screaming for you,
Begging you to pull me back up.
I reach for your hand,
Hoping you'll help me.
You turn your back and walk away.
I cry your name,
I call out to you.
You act as if you can't hear me.
You keep walking,
Ignoring my pleas.
I can't believe you do this.
As you, my last hope,
Walk away,
I let go and slip over the edge.
I'm falling into the darkness,
Suffocating,
Becoming blind.
All because of you.
All because you walked away.
You left me,
Letting me fall.
You didn't care.
You were too busy
Inside your own selfish little world.
You didn't see what was going on
All around you,
Because you were too absorbed in yourself.
because of that,
You killed me.
And you didn't even realize it.

When you hug him, you hold on
Just a little too long.
You know what you wanna do,
But you don't know what it'll come to.
He's really all you want,
And you've put how you feel right up front.
You don't quite know what he thinks,
But you're hopin', prayin', oh God please.
He's always in your thouoghts and on your mind.
You're really wishin' for a good sign.
You look at him and think 'Maybe, maybe, oh could it be?
Is he really smilin' like that at me?'
And yes, he really is givin' you a special smile.
You know you would walk at least a mile
Just to see him look at you like that again..
You turn and whisper to your friend,
"Look, look, did you see?
He saved that smile just for me!"
You're blushing and your face is warm,
As you turn and peek back at him once more.
You see he's lookin' back at you too,
And he's got another one of his smiles just for you.

He was perfect, he was the best.
He meant everything to her.
She adored him.
She never thought she'd have a chance with him,
Because he was so perfect.
But they began talking.
For a while, that's all they did, was talk.
She thought that all he said was beautiful.
She snuck out at night to see him, on warm spring nights.
He picked her up in his car.
They stayed there, just cuddling and enjoying each other's company.
Summer came, and she began sneaking out even more.
But instead of staying in his car, they went to his house.
While there, she lost something she'll never get back;
Her virginity.
She didn't mind though, because it was perfect.
Everything came crashing down when her parents found out.
Had there been no age difference, they would've been fine,
But, and this was the biggest problem her parents had,
She was sixteen,
And he was twenty-four.

She clutches the door frame
As she sinks to the floor.
Her shoulders shake with sobs,
And her knees hit the carpet.
She's crying soundlessly,
Not a single noise escaping..
The sobs come harder now,
Violently shaking her body.
Her head is now buried in her hands,
The tears falling like rain.
She sits there in the dark,
Alone, crying silently.
She crawls to the middle of the floor,
Pushing the door closed, and collapses.
Her face is buried in her arms,
The only sound is her quietly gasping breaths.
All the while
Not a single sound is uttered from her throat.
She doesn't know the reason for her tears,
Only that this isn't the first time.
Her tears often come unbidden,
No cause known to her.
When this happens,
She never utters a sound.
Her cheeks are wet,
And she wipes them with her hands.
The room is sitll dark,
She is still alone, unnoticed.
She hears a step on the stairs,
And, still crying, climbs onto her bed.
Her bedroom door opens,
And the light of the hall floods in.
She feigns sleep,
Her back to the door.
It is open for some seconds longer,
And then it is closed again, quietly,
Drowning her in the peaceful dark once more.
It's some time, a while,
Before her silent sobs subside,
And that has happened once she's asleep.
This is neither the first night, nor the last night
Of many nights
That she's cried herself to sleep,
Her pillows wet, alone in the dark,
And silently.
Always silently.

Do you know what it's like
To feel as if you're losing control?
Do you know what it's like
To break down in tears for no reason?
I do.
My mind is frenzied and becoming lost,
My heart is becoming cracked and broken.
I can't stand this pain anymore.
It's driving me closer and closer to the edge.
I'm slowly losing grip on everything I am.
I feel empty, like there's no 'me' anymore,
Just this cold, empty shell of who I was.
I don't recognize myself anymore.
I hide all this from people, I don't want them to know of my insanity.
Every day I feel like crying,
Every day I hold back the tears.
Until one day,
When I just can't do it anymore.
I need a way out,
But no one sees.
No one ever sees the pain, or the sorrow.
They never see the panic, or that I'm on the edge.
I need a way to get rid of the hurt.
I'm breaking apart inside,
And there's nothing I can do about it.
Sometimes...sometimes I just wish for death.

It's like a living nightmare
That I can't wake up from.
The insanity is taking over.
I'm not who I used to be.
There's just too much chaos,
Too many things I don't want to remember,
Think of, dream of, see, hear, feel.
So many emotions, almost none of them happy.
I'm being swallowed by these emotions,
The anger, the sorrow, the fear.
I've almost completely given up.
It's nearly tempting to let the madness take over.
Any reprieve from this pain and hurt;
I'll take it.
My heart is breaking,
It's being torn into little pieces.
Different people, memories, thoughts,
All taking a fragment.
My mind writhes with the pressure,
And my heart cracks.
I just want this pain to end.

The reflections in the window
Show me the truths I can't escape.
They show me the lies I've believed,
The pain I've endured.
I see all the people who've used,
Betrayed and hurt me.
I close my eyes against them,
But they won't go away.
Not only do the reflections show
The pain I've endured,
But the pain I've inflicted as well.
Flinching away from all this,
I take a step back.
I don't want to remember,
But these reflections,
These reflections of my past
Won't let me be.
How hard I'd tried to build up these walls,
Years it took.
And now, it only takes a few moments
To break them down again.
These reflections quickly crumble my walls,
Exposing the pain,
Making old wounds raw once more.
I'm screaming in my head,
"Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop..."
There are tears now, streaking down my face.
I feel their hotness against my cheeks.
I can see the wet shine in the window.
These haunting reflections,
Everthing I saw, all that I relived,
In my own eyes...

Look at this disaster of a girl!
She's so broken and sad,
Missing the life she had.
Her eyes are so cold!
How cruel the world can be,
Leaving her so hurt and empty.
She's so angry!
Having lost everything,
Been left with nothing.
Her face is so desperate!
She never hopes anymore,
Cuz it never worked before.
See how much pain she's in!
Everyone she's loved is gone,
Her time alone is so long.
Now she's at the edge!
She's through with this life,
Which is why she's got that knife...