He was perfect, he was the best.
He meant everything to her.
She adored him.
She never thought she'd have a chance with him,
Because he was so perfect.
But they began talking.
For a while, that's all they did, was talk.
She thought that all he said was beautiful.
She snuck out at night to see him, on warm spring nights.
He picked her up in his car.
They stayed there, just cuddling and enjoying each other's company.
Summer came, and she began sneaking out even more.
But instead of staying in his car, they went to his house.
While there, she lost something she'll never get back;
Her virginity.
She didn't mind though, because it was perfect.
Everything came crashing down when her parents found out.
Had there been no age difference, they would've been fine,
But, and this was the biggest problem her parents had,
She was sixteen,
And he was twenty-four.

She clutches the door frame
As she sinks to the floor.
Her shoulders shake with sobs,
And her knees hit the carpet.
She's crying soundlessly,
Not a single noise escaping..
The sobs come harder now,
Violently shaking her body.
Her head is now buried in her hands,
The tears falling like rain.
She sits there in the dark,
Alone, crying silently.
She crawls to the middle of the floor,
Pushing the door closed, and collapses.
Her face is buried in her arms,
The only sound is her quietly gasping breaths.
All the while
Not a single sound is uttered from her throat.
She doesn't know the reason for her tears,
Only that this isn't the first time.
Her tears often come unbidden,
No cause known to her.
When this happens,
She never utters a sound.
Her cheeks are wet,
And she wipes them with her hands.
The room is sitll dark,
She is still alone, unnoticed.
She hears a step on the stairs,
And, still crying, climbs onto her bed.
Her bedroom door opens,
And the light of the hall floods in.
She feigns sleep,
Her back to the door.
It is open for some seconds longer,
And then it is closed again, quietly,
Drowning her in the peaceful dark once more.
It's some time, a while,
Before her silent sobs subside,
And that has happened once she's asleep.
This is neither the first night, nor the last night
Of many nights
That she's cried herself to sleep,
Her pillows wet, alone in the dark,
And silently.
Always silently.

Do you know what it's like
To feel as if you're losing control?
Do you know what it's like
To break down in tears for no reason?
I do.
My mind is frenzied and becoming lost,
My heart is becoming cracked and broken.
I can't stand this pain anymore.
It's driving me closer and closer to the edge.
I'm slowly losing grip on everything I am.
I feel empty, like there's no 'me' anymore,
Just this cold, empty shell of who I was.
I don't recognize myself anymore.
I hide all this from people, I don't want them to know of my insanity.
Every day I feel like crying,
Every day I hold back the tears.
Until one day,
When I just can't do it anymore.
I need a way out,
But no one sees.
No one ever sees the pain, or the sorrow.
They never see the panic, or that I'm on the edge.
I need a way to get rid of the hurt.
I'm breaking apart inside,
And there's nothing I can do about it.
Sometimes...sometimes I just wish for death.

It's like a living nightmare
That I can't wake up from.
The insanity is taking over.
I'm not who I used to be.
There's just too much chaos,
Too many things I don't want to remember,
Think of, dream of, see, hear, feel.
So many emotions, almost none of them happy.
I'm being swallowed by these emotions,
The anger, the sorrow, the fear.
I've almost completely given up.
It's nearly tempting to let the madness take over.
Any reprieve from this pain and hurt;
I'll take it.
My heart is breaking,
It's being torn into little pieces.
Different people, memories, thoughts,
All taking a fragment.
My mind writhes with the pressure,
And my heart cracks.
I just want this pain to end.

The reflections in the window
Show me the truths I can't escape.
They show me the lies I've believed,
The pain I've endured.
I see all the people who've used,
Betrayed and hurt me.
I close my eyes against them,
But they won't go away.
Not only do the reflections show
The pain I've endured,
But the pain I've inflicted as well.
Flinching away from all this,
I take a step back.
I don't want to remember,
But these reflections,
These reflections of my past
Won't let me be.
How hard I'd tried to build up these walls,
Years it took.
And now, it only takes a few moments
To break them down again.
These reflections quickly crumble my walls,
Exposing the pain,
Making old wounds raw once more.
I'm screaming in my head,
"Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop..."
There are tears now, streaking down my face.
I feel their hotness against my cheeks.
I can see the wet shine in the window.
These haunting reflections,
Everthing I saw, all that I relived,
In my own eyes...

Look at this disaster of a girl!
She's so broken and sad,
Missing the life she had.
Her eyes are so cold!
How cruel the world can be,
Leaving her so hurt and empty.
She's so angry!
Having lost everything,
Been left with nothing.
Her face is so desperate!
She never hopes anymore,
Cuz it never worked before.
See how much pain she's in!
Everyone she's loved is gone,
Her time alone is so long.
Now she's at the edge!
She's through with this life,
Which is why she's got that knife...