tetris patterned-shirt
weird, life-is-a-creamy-dream feeling every ever
I spend here
in
Downtown Vancouver.

is it the thought of the chilli-pepper eyed parrot
grazing on the street soul from the corner of Davie
and Granville?

is it a birth trauma coma slam
considering the fact that my
passport
says I awoke here
for the very first time?

is it the caffeine pulsing through my sweat like blood
the triple-sweater sandwich I call my chest
the passing of my dear old Auntie Debbie
the alien faces of a city-gone city goer
the warm freeze of 15 dollars in my pocket
wallet
crunch

perhaps it's the red pants
the folded skinny's
the overalls
the great validation of Shakespeare's scream:
"All the worlds a stage/ and all the men and women merely players."

Did he mean John Players?

Each and every all of us to be smoked
in the soaking rain
pretending that we
each
have brains?

- - -

I know
I'm not as intriguing
as most of these Greek-God's and Goddesses

But I still wonder
if man and women gaze to me
like I'm bless-ed.

- - -

could that explain the dream feel?
the creamy steamy dream feel?

my lack of validation
in this crowd-work calling card?

- - -

it's just about time
that I mention the women
whom gazed
from the train
that traverses the
clouds.

East Indian I assume
I the troubadour
I gazed right back into her eyes.

We played this game
until 'screech' went the train

and I moved on in space and in time.

She exited there
at the same place I glared
to the tiling below my unfit and soaked
sigh's.

As to why that I raced
so that she couldn't chase
and speak words that would open the
light

I'm unsure

but I wanted to
even as I
slipped from sight
into Vancouver's day bright of a night.

counting days can be cozy
so it's not so shagged like bleeding shot man
dragging himself through sewer about to die
but can be a case of days
here and gone again

like a million little murders.

I think we all forget
Our poor old immortality.

a beginning and end have never made sense.

nothing has never made sense.

and I mean nothing.

the busses I've been on could fill up a football stadium
if each given merit per ride
per rattle-shake snake through countryside

each in its own little protected purpose
cute journeys of love, sturdy journeys of response-ability
hedonic riddle and rides to the end of the road river

like a musical interlude;
run the metal inner-tube;
comfort-context-cannot-climb

all my attitude is altitude
so I almost don't care to be grounded.
Greyhounded, maybe.

something beyond BASS
drops because it's sassy jazz
alpha compacting, car garage crushed
older than Lemuria! greater bigger
if you get it, you get IT

smooth as sandalwood.

long hair long johns of sad happy
clear fog is the dog god doggone dog

kind of you to kind of listen
kindling burns like Hong Kong midnight brightlights
whose birthright, or birthwrong

down-under daggers for flags
flagged
flagulation
creative sensory compensated penitentiary
forward lad landing laughter for the last log on the fire
the last day for earth to say
please plead for plaid shirts to pay for themselves
otherwise there will be ****** for you to see

summer in the winter if I sprinkle a little bit more wood on my splinter
sink or swim, sink and swim, sink to swim
swim to sink
ah
um
oh
ehhem
undo your dress and undo your last mistake

please retake the photo so I can stay awake.

don't, I mean, yes
yes

hands could be cold
but
then
a
g
a
i
n

I just call it what I must
plustwo double yous in a zoo for the future flu's to cruise like truce
11/11/11 armistice
missed the list when you kissed my wrist
I extracted bliss from the Buddha's jist
just
cause?

just call for the muse music

don't mind me
I mean
yes,
yes

motorcade king of spades I got laid to the silence
of a forest in the poorest richness I've never ditched this
**** zip
zap
my zipper is a little critter crawling through the litter on the city's twitter account
doesn't amount to much but I sound like I'm salted in breath
dead like MacBeth, the challenge was the shaken speare
sprained everclear of the diamond tear or the shattered cheer of ancient seers

truth
is greater than fiction.

I'd rather watch the unevenly tall grass sway in an awkwardly flimsy wind
Than watch Jerry Orbach monotonously crawl his manicured tongue to an acting Deputy
"There goes my beauty sleep."
Or watch Ricky and Bubbles scribble words in the air over **** jugs and cement a post-modern cynicism of the world as a great big piece of trailer trash.

I'd rather watch the moisture accumulate on the synthetic brown border between wall and roof in an overcast runny-nose rain

So I guess what I'm saying is

Television took my vision
So I took my vision back.

silent march past abandoned store
working the burger has got me teary eyed
Bowsprit kicks me into 7th and I stop,
and I stop.
ears ring, head spins, goodbye
I'm moving to Lund to hug the red wood.

Somewhere along the line
it feels like I lost my poetry.

But I've always had a deep affinity of childhood curious-gaze with the light of a passing car slicing through a slumped drapery in the dead of a powerless October night
like a fumbling mouse with night-vision, glassy eyed, walk, walk, walk
run, run, run
scurry-rubber like an imperial humvee of red-carpet glamor.

Somewhere along the line
the freeze of a less-than-bourgeoise temperature never felt close to Antarctic
until the ring of a cell-phone became my national anthem
and the complacent all-eternity-and-everything-we-are-and-more reflective one-eye of a laptop became my national flag
I waived it with surrender calling to all nation states that 'I don't give a sweet ****,
entertain me.'

watching politics like sports and sports like politics I couldn't help but hear the old Native inside of me scream in suffocated final breaths so I turned up the volume to drown him out
and when I wished to return to his comforting embrace, I found he had drown to death
so all I could do was stand over his wading body in the river of my mind and lax my shoulders in defeat.

I rang the midnight church bell of 'send new message' to tell the world that didn't care
the shaman is dead.

all they said was
'finally, the shaman is dead.'
I nodded, laughed, locked the bathroom door
and cried until the river ran dry
the shamans body so far down creek I could pretend to forget he had ever existed

the ache inside became a masked anonymity with the glare of Dorian Gray
I shrugged and said, 'I could never make time anyways'
and fell right back into my sleepy routine with another cup of coffee.

The best way to honour a passing or passed loved one is to go through every feeling naturally, and let it all unfold as it must. But do not let it paralyze you; do not let it destroy you. How do you think your loved one would feel should they see their death, ultimately, caused your death? They'd feel pretty guilty; they'd wish they hadn't passed and they would become angry and upset and destroyed in the thought of its inevitability. As such, the best way to honour a passing or passed loved one is to passionately pursue life; enjoy every moment and accomplish with the thought and the memory of them in your mind and imagine if they could see you and say, "my death did not **** them, my death helped to bring them alive, so now I know I can truly rest in peace."

That's what it truly is to let a soul rest. To move on and let their flame fuel your essence, not burn it to ashes.

That is true love.

Did I ever tell you of the day I cleansed my Saturday?
Saturday kept kissing me goodbye, telling me 'I need to be free, please let me be free,'
And I said,
"Acceptance,
Acceptance."

Once upon a time, Saturday weeped upon departure
But now I know that Saturday is fine
Doing a loop around the world
Tasting, touching, talking, taking,
And listening to tales from the Cascades to the Pyrenees
And every Saturday,
Saturday returns to tell me all she's seen.

And she tells me as I bathe her affectionately
Until she stops mid-sentence and we fall into a soft embrace, our essences dipping intimately into one another to recreate the world from those silver square circles suspended in a sunbeam

Saturday undresses me slowly
As if unrobing a long-dead Egyptian pharaoh
Gazing upon my naked body like shes the first in a thousand years
Each time a grand discovery of the New World

And we sink further into one another
As the silver square circles of the sunbeam imprint themselves beneath our eyes like diamond tattoos

And every Sunday I awake alone in bed,
With a note on the pillow.

"I am free,
And you understand
That this must be true love."

Water falls the seashore
Like the ocean hugs the land
And land starts blushing.

The oven whispers heat
The meal riles in smiley pain
This food is ******.

Maybe if he'd been asking to meet before work and sit at the edge of the ocean to discuss Mandalas, Kerouac, or St. Anselm I would have said 'yes.'

But the cigarette isn't so simple.

I can't even begin to know where to start about life.
The depth of beauty and intricacy is this great big incredible- an infinite, infinite, infinite incredible. Sitting alone at home on my computer, trying to strike inspiration from one place or another, I always end up with a coffee in one hand contemplating how beautiful the wine glass to the left of my kneecap looks in the hue of light beaming in from the rainy grey bright- or I gaze outside and contemplate my warm protection from the cold and wet outside, wondering what would truly be better- this warmth? or the thrill of living and forced recognition of every step given by the airy forecast of the clouds wisping from my breath, breaching me from the shoe of my pants and the kneck of my shirt to caress the bare-skin of my spine and the calfs of my bony ankles?
and it's as if I have to choose, but I laugh when I realize they're both great big incredibles in themselves- the fluff of a book in my hand and a hot drink at my side as the floating water decides to come back to Earth- the melancholy of still-in-my-pajamas-and-this-is-one-of-only-two-days-off; the poetry of love and the poetry of loss and the poetry of all I desire to do but hold back- all of this brings me a comforting sadness. Life, life, life, life, life... thank you for loving me.

I heard you whispering through the empty door-frame
Seeking sleep from your desired lover, unchanged and the same
the twilight years of life, are they anything like the twilight zone?
Perhaps the alzheimers leads to a quantum close
and
mirrors float like seperated identities, I let the spirit into me
Sentient flow comes with a pill of Gingko biloba
The oval Mandala SWEEPS me up!
Back in the circle of the SANSKIRT gumption
Carved like a pumpkin, that's sumthin if you're thumpin
Loud
Loud
Loud enough.

of dust float endless like yard work
and the ships from pier won't float without buoys
gravity! gravol! gratitude!
under what is under where, if you ask where what is
sloppy joe looks like a rancid saint of morning pancakes
and the syrup on his lips feel like an early morning jog
Platonic on the plate tectonics
the **** he said means solid, hark heavenly.

open pathways to a glaring pathos
the bright light of idealism is why the optimist is stronger than the pessimist
retreating into the no-eye-strain of a dark, frightening cave;
what was beyond the light?

the pessimist says the fear of the known is safer
while the optimist treads a sidewalk-highway-backstreet of light
ouch-
ouch-
ouuuuch, his eyes!

keep
going.

pushing through the grand theological cosmological philosophy zen
the optimist marches past the foot of the rancid infection
what self-inflicted pain for the sake of surrendering all responsibility;
the reason there are governments
countries
orthodoxies
is because of a grand laziness which clasps the wrists of the weary
fearful of their freedom as it is an unknown
grand cosmic
sun-star;
"stare any longer and I'll go blind;
march towards it and I will disintegrate."

"Are you sure?" asks the optimist
"No, but I won't take such a naive risk. I have been around long enough to cease trusting anything,
especially myself."

"Then you are eternally ******;
I seek my own grace."

there is a silence as the pessimist rounds to sigh
and the optimist wheels himself towards the stars.

One of my favourite things to do, of holy proportion to the passionate student painting words onto a blank canvas at the last minute, eyes falling shut like a broken garage door just before the glassy vibration of a mid-winter sunrise, is to sleep little for 2 or 3 nights and sit at a cafe as the clock strikes 9:30 PM with a full cup of coffee glanced in the peripheral to my right and a world shaker book of cosmic sputtering.. philosophies of new and of old.. quivering between my overworked fingers, reading like a raving madman who understands how false it is to understand anything as mundanity.

pants sit half-way down the waste
because pulling myself out of bed is against the laws of gravity
what was it you wanted again?
if anyone could hear over the sound of an exhausted train exhausting clouds with exhaust
they would understand exhaustion, because Gaia speaks in sign-language

and the second you told me to wait a moment
I spent forever waiting
until you were ready yet

ready, set, sundown..
sleep talks to? only if I talk to sleep, conversation over.
dissonance, cognizance, congruence, ****

thank you 5th grade teacher
for teaching me how to never shut up
thank you verbs
for teaching me how to never shut up
thank you
really
thank you
no sarcasm
thank you

it is holy
holy
holy
wow.

remember remember
old widowed December
and Pluto
the moon with a moon

the sun drips an artist
a walk flies the farthest
O farther than birds in a room.

remember remember
the priests peace and temper
and wet fingernails
Tinted teeth smiling tunes

the moons seen me naked
my virginity taken
I roar from the ***** of what Godkind consumes.

Don't you listen?

the world can seem
from the glassy eye of a computer screen.

addicted to the ego trip of the
face
book

and

all of a sudden
the trip is no longer enough

ignored; neglected
the only response is a snippy
bit
of
sarcasm

a negative
disguised
as
a
neutral

your head
screams
'*******, *******'
but if you stood up
for
yourself

they'd say
'calm down,
it's just
a
*******

joke.'

did the wind ever catch you sleeping?
alone like a cordless phone off the hook, where's the charge
beyond the imaginings of the long-haired girl standing in the open rain wondering, wondering, wondering
what?

wondering if it was true
if it was true that the cold of a cozy bed in the middle of a warm December night was anymore than a dream
or if the person she spoke to was a figment of her imagination
because human is a hoax, each from the same source like every fallen leaf floats from the same tree
so would that not mean that the entire universe is just
one
great
big
schizophrenia?

or, is it the happy clutches of a child in want of your embrace that reminds you of the sad clutches of a child in want of your embrace?

because the sun doesn't go down, it goes around
and the moon isn't half, nor the stars just a spec
nor a grain of sand just a grain of sand because a cosmos is a cosmos no matter how large
small
or mildly tasted like a long-shot espresso will never taste a tongue

can the words ever really tell you much more than the words?

if a cosmos is a cosmos, the words will tell you the cosmos
the cosmos, the very essence of the sweet silk and the clammy touch of a lover after a rainy winter walk
the warming of the lips upon lips
or the clamp of the seven AM alarm
a great big '*******' to many, a reminder to 'wake up and love' for the lucky

and the wind; the dastardly, beautiful, realist wind!
where was I when you always arrive?

so I'm asking you
look inside of yourself and think:
did the wind ever catch you sleeping?

the music climbs like a mystic rummaging layer by layer upon steps of wood leading to the mundane middle of a bedroom
'meditation leads to sleep, we are in the perfect place!' he smiles
Christ, you're like Christ
I think.

all of a sudden he is lying on my bed, sleeping, arms outstretched,
and I climb into my side of the bed, he pulls closer
wraps his arms around me and says
"Christ, you're like Christ,"

I turn to him slowly and smile
all of the sudden God falls asleep.

Are an interesting thing.

Because they appear in all headspace
And stratum of conscious
Orchestra slow walk of life-

In the hazy Druid gaze of early morning waking days
To the moment of the crystal revelation;
The hardwood can look dreamlike, soft
But just as easily manifest creation.

Sinewy contortions of the multicoloured drapes
To the kind and gentle ghosty in the sun;
A derealized 'umm, wait a sec' march backwards in the mind
Or the truth that I and this wood frame are one.

It was quiet that night
The night of the storm.
The boom rattle slap of the windows was
Silent.

It was quiet that night
The night of the storm.
The dry heaves of panic were
Silent.

It was quiet that night
The night of the storm.
The tick of the clock seemed quite
Violent.

It was quiet that night
The night I was born.
I now sit, alone, helping
Clients.

It was quiet that night
The night of the storm.
The boom rattle slap of the windows was
Silent.

I slept with the thought I would never quite sleep
When my mind works the night-shift, and my thoughts flit and creep
From the back of a wavelength, to the edge of the steep
Steep
Steep drop at the edge of my cup of steeped tea.

Sleepytime camomile
My whole life I've been wide-eyed
Asleep.

Gladly I sat and remembered
You were never quite here to begin with.

Gladly and madly I sat and remembered
I am never quite here to begin with.

Proverbs!
What do you want, my wisdom?
My individual wisdom immortalized for soul and mind
Given credibility by a dash
Followed by my
Ego-steeped identity?

Proverbs!
Perhaps I was more honest in momentary transience
Than I could ever be consistently.

Who needs ideals
When all of it is here
Right now?

Some times
I feel like I'm masking me
with

me.

It's not fake
but
it's a mask
and I molded it

several seconds ago

and I wear it
pretending I'm the same person

several seconds later.

I work

Faster than I work

So I trip

on

e

v

e

r

y

little



w

     o

          r

               d

(period.)



I see

                    s

       i

                         g

              h

                              t



itself.



Little floaters and

M o v e e ee  ee e e ee e me n ts

Like the pixels

on a

television screen.



1080p looks better than what I’ve really ever seen

Sometimes I feel

it’s only real

if it’s

a



p

   h

       o

           t

               o

     graph.

I am the
Voluntary insomniac.

I suffer from no such misfortune.
Midnight to 3 is a blessing,
At night, I'm reality's surgeon.

Delving head-first into current events,
And philosophies of East and of West;
Jack Kerouac and Jean Paul-Sarte have me sweating;
And I look forward to Alan Watts next.

Lets discover it all!
How exciting it is,
I've been privileged as I am alive.

I read and I write,
Walk dark streets on some nights,
And on others, I lay and watch stars.

I am the
Voluntary insomniac.

On some nights I sit and sip tea,
Read Al-Jazeera's new headlines,
And depart upon intellects sea.

In the depth of the night
I become everything;
Every person, every move, every sound.

Every taste, every touch, every feeling, every thought,
I am the stars, the ocean, the ground.

In the present I become the future and past
And explore the great misunderstood;
Everything becomes clear as my boat starts to steer,
And my feet waver from where they once stood.

And on every sweet night, it doesn't matter how far
My ship crossed infinity's sea,
I am lost on open water forever;
I adventure eternally.

Serendipity had be trickling
Down to the bottom of the well.

Rise and fall and rise and fall
Inseparable like Heaven and Hell.

The peaks and valleys,
Miscounted tallies,
And words that seem to spell
"L O V E S disguise"
My lack of words is the loudest I yell.

Speak to trees that see through me
With eyes so blank, yet full;
I run my fingers through my hair,
The wind pushes and pulls.

A rainy day down at Block Bay
Feels nice, despite the cold.
I am one with the lake and mountains;
I am infinitely old.

The industrial wharf is bobbing
Up and down again;
Rise and fall and rise and fall,
The All and Every in it's zen.


The peaks and valleys,
Miscounted tallies,
And words that seem to spell
"L O V E S disguise"
Everywhere is where I dwell.

So sleep doesn't come to me
But perhaps it has found you fine,
And that's fine.

I hope that you're fine
But my thoughts now unwind in confusion intertwined with illusion can I find what intrusion made you draw the line to place a sign and say to my face,
"This is over. Good luck in college, good luck in life, *** I will not be there tomorrow or tonight, corazon."

And you loved me yesterday,
And today is just yesterday with a different name
Does that mean your love was labelled
And now the label has been changed?

*** yesterday we spoke of what our futures held in store
For the both of us together, holding hands amidst the roar
And the dark of the unknown glazed with ice across the floor;
It was that; "Goodnight, kittycat;" what strange coincidence as my heart sang the night before
And now it's sore.

What a difference 24 hours makes;
Was it my mistakes? Or just the lake of tears and sorrow and how often your heart breaks?
*** I knew I really loved you when my first concern became,
"I hope that she's ******* alright!"
That thought drove me insane.

And there was no response,
The receiver remained on the hook.
Her cell-phone thumbed with call display,
But 'decline' is all it took.

She broke my heart with 1, 2, 3
and now questions seep my bones.
Making sleep impossible,
She could have picked up the phone
And said, "I'm sorry. I really am, you understand this is just as hard
For me as well, I really do love you,
I'm simply more than marred."

But silence was the answer that I got
With my shocked glance.
In my mind stirs feelings that perhaps there is a chance
In fact, a truth that there's no way I could have lost you yet.

Not like this,
Not this abyss
With such finality.

This was so much more than that
In my reality.

I hope you turn around and regain your sanity
Because I miss you and although I've made mistakes, I've realized

Real eyes realize real lies

And what we had was honest truth.

So before you give up on me and you
On both of us;
Please consider what you're giving up,
Because I trust
You'll figure all this out in time
And if space is what you want;
I understand,
But please don't forget of what we were,
I can wait, I just wish it weren't all such a blur.

I love you, and I'm still your waffle
I hope that you know that
And I can be your patient
Silent
Waiting kittycat.

It's hard to sit alone at home
And wonder where you are.

I trust your safe and comfortable,
But why are you so far?

It's hard to lay to sleep at night
And know you won't be there
For me to love and to embrace
In winters morning air.

It's hard to wonder when I'll see your face
As close to mine
So kisses are not tugging memories..
But all the time.

It's hard to think that
During these 5 months of loving you
I've seen you for, at most, 3 weeks;
Inside my heart, you staged a coup.

I cry a lot
Because your face is rarely close to mine;
I neglect to mention all these tears most of the time

Because I chose this
And chose you
Despite the constant pain

Relief is only ever, at the most, a month away.

Yet I also hold out hope that you and I
Will someday be
Close to near-inseparable
And in love
Yet always free.

But.. for now
I've sentenced both my body and my mind
To missing you
Yet feeling it's a soul-mate that I find

Within your essence and your everything;
Yes, I love more
Of you than you could ever know exists;
Please know, that I am yours.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns
Go off inside my head.

Always thoughts of dreaming, falling fast inside my bed.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
From all the books I've read.

Always thoughts of falling, falling fast inside my head.

And should the sun speak in French tongues,
I know the words quite well.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
From all the bombs that fell.

And happiness is always seen,
Beneath its faded shroud;
But never when we feel it free,
Of pain and darkened clouds.

Metaphors and thoughts of death,
I've never seen to see;
I simply look and stare with awe,
I wish to simply be.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
Acknowledgement hurts truth.

Acknowledgement is relative;
These words do more than soothe.

Immortal in my mortal mind,
Yet frightened of the void.
I draw myself with hook and tie;
So far I have enjoyed
The ride.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
My throat is filled with lumps;
A sign, perhaps, that I am young,
And hit my first speed bump.

My feet, they weep in pain, inflamed,
My ears, they ring like screens.
Perhaps I'm rushing through this game,
As sadness tears the seams,
Of what seemed to be some sort of Zen,
A freedom cloud.

Regardless of this pain and sound,
I wish to live out loud,
And see the world in better health;
I'll make the dead me proud.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
Go off inside my head.

Always thoughts of dreaming, falling fast
Inside my bed.

Innocently enough, I found the kerfuffle of fluff bunched up in my knuckles because,
I never punch an innocent man twice.

Now take the spice out of the words, 'Hey, I'm a nice guy,'
And you'll have a half-truth that will trick yet still suffice;
I test my pick-up lines on mice and rats like the most esteemed of scientists,
Who engineered the difference between maize and rice using language as their disguise

I languish in this life.
I deal too much in the technical's and it leads to awkward strife,
Inside my mind.

I notice the fact that I think,
And watch the fact that I see,
And, for some reason, become ungrateful that my site
Isn't 360 degrees.

It is in my dreams.

I also seem to ask myself the question far too often;
"Are you sure you're living yet? Are you sure you're alive yet?"
Because I seem to forget that yet implies before and after;
And I stave off the potential for my mind to become some sort of existential disaster;

Nothing has changed about me biologically for 3 or so years,
Yet with the constant bombardment of scientific, philosophical, and existential food for thought
I seem to notice now
More than ever
My mortality.

And it's not just my mortality,
I ask, "What IS reality?"
And the slight lack of focus in my eyes makes me ask in framed legality,
"What is this actuality?"
And I lose sight that all humanity
Serves the same such similar circumstances,
With the 5 senses imperfections
And I'm sure that most of us are quite insane.

Please, don't abstain from braving existential terrain,
It will help you to obtain
The fact
That life is such a mystery,
And it's best to work with mystery,
In transcendental synergy,
Because suddenly humanity
Is null and void.

I write this true to mind:
These are the thoughts that float through mine,
And keep me sleepless time-to-time
Or keep me feeling like I'm sleeping,
As the thoughts keep me confined
On occasion.
Yet sometimes I do awaken
And feel myself a direct part of the reality I've forsaken,
Over-thinking,
With the labels that our minds have been creating,
Since the dawn of humankind and man-made time.

I'm still amazed.
Conflicting feelings spread their wings in my mind, body, and soul,
And I'm dazed.

I walk around feeling the sound of your voice in my head,
And the thought of your sadness lays upon my mind like lead,
But I'm happy you appeared,
Out of the blue and interfered with that slow contentedness filled with the moving flow of contention
That led me to acquiesce to the state of my conflicted head,
As a welcome result of you.

I do not fear the risk of rejection.
Or, more accurately, I am willing to feel that fear for the sake of affection,
And in order to see your complexion with an extroverted introspective inspection,
And say with frail and honest intention, that you are far better lacking the lie that is perfection,

But that's just it.

The idea of perfection lies in accepting exception as opposed to seeking deception,
Which simply butchers perception as opposed to embracing the reception of a soul,
Regardless of the shape it may be in.

I do not intend to be a spin doctor.
More honor lies in leaving all the ardor unfiltered like sea water.

And yes, I'm sorry.
But not sorry in the sense that my instincts took the offense...
More in the sense that I couldn't find it within myself to conjure up a defense.
Because instinct is a form of common sense and an immense pretense that in many ways,
Is unavoidable.

And I refuse to let it coil up within my mind and spoil the emotional oil
Which fuels
How I feel
For you.

In many ways, I am a hopeless romantic with plenty of self-control,
And I intend to console your soul
To the very best of my ability.

So like you said,
Watch the stars in your head,
And try to see infinity.
It may also help you to realize that you, yourself
Are an intrinsically beautiful human being.

And perhaps,
One day,
You'll see what I've been seeing.

I am a Province, a State, a Municipality, and a Region.
I am a Soldier, a Pilot, a Minister, and a Legion;
I am a black man, a white man, a brown man, a woman,
A French man, American, Canadian, and Roman.

I am a rap artist, a singer, a slam poet and guitarist;
I dabble in the dark arts accompanied by a Marxist.

I'm a barista, a gas man, a secretary, and Tsarina,
A King and a Queen and a janitorial cleaner.

I am a "lover," a "hater," a "here now" and "there later,"
I am Luke Skywalker, yet at the same time, Lord Vader.
I am a driver, a walker, a rider, a stalker,
A conservative liberal and a well-learned straight-talker.

I am a salesman and clerk,
A criminal and a serf,
The proud owner of a weapon that, while it kills, saves the Earth.

I am a drinker and smoker,
A consumer and broker,
A bomb-maker, con-artist, Priest, and interloper.

I am a Citizen.

Religious and secular,
Macrocosmic, molecular,
Suit wearing, uncaring, emphatic, irregular,
A "packie," a ****, a Scrabble fan playing Yahtzee;

A Jihadist, sadistic, addicted to Herodotus,
History is repeated by the philosopher that thought of us.
The eroticist literature towards which we've all lusted;
It looks like the bullets machine-gun is busted.

Indifferent, ecstatic, illicett, erratic,
An infant, a senior, a young man with bad-lip,
A black man, a white man, a brown man, a woman,
A Jew and a Christian, a Muslim musician,
A monarch, elitist, pro-abortion defeatist,
An anarchist, Black Panther, and a rich plutocratic;
I am a citizen,
And as one,

I'm elastic.

Silly, silly, silly me.
To think I'm free, and that I'll be somebody?

Silly, silly, silly me.
You can't be free, and that's just it,
All you are is 'somebody.'
Some-body.
"Some body."

But that's not true!
Look at Trostky and Lenin,
Michael Myers and Lennon,
The other Lennon.
It's hard to differentiate in name and legacy,
Because both Lennon's were revolutionaries,
Marching around like the freshman from heaven.
But neither believed they were the result of divine intervention in the affairs of man,
Because this convention would threaten their worldview and beckon away their sanity...
In the same way that the Pope or ****** let their divine vanity commit greater blasphemy and bring them future agony.

Now neither Lennon nor Lenin came anywhere close to being men from Galilee,
In fact they were more the men of the galaxy,
Or at least, John was, with his peach fuzz beard and his belief that love is greater than fear.
The other Lenin implemented the New Economic Policy, to starve the proletariat and start his revolution on an already hypocritical trend that would continue quite the same until the very end.
And it proves something, does it not?
Violence sends a message to no one but the instigator,
Changing them to justify, and claim is wasn't misbehavior;
But that's a lie, no idea of mine is worth the death of a human mind,
And to pretend otherwise makes one delude themselves that they aren't an instigator, but an illustrator,
Painting in the blood as if ****** makes an innovator.

And for ******, there is no vindicator,
Violence is an image breaker,
Indulged in by poor imitators who think they're right, and the world is wrong.
Unaware this makes them weak, not strong.

Now John Lennon was the true revolutionary;
Although he succumbed to violence, he veered away from it, even when it was necessary.
He fought the war, and yes, the war did win,
But at least he didn't cover his scars with artificial skin,
Or deny his implicit wrongs as a result of all original sin.

John Lennon used the word '******' to the opposite effect.
He used the word to trigger something bigger and correct,
The wrong that seemed so propagated by the last colonial tide,
Of which the other Lenin defected and took colonialism's side.

John Lennon was Utopian and told us of a better world;
He interjected definition, and caused old thoughts to curl away in fright,
And bite the dust despite their might and past dominion of industrialism,
It was a schism, and it still plagues us to this day.

John Lennon understood we over-complicate way
To
Often.


Silly, silly, silly me.
To think I'm free, and that I'll be somebody?

Silly, silly, silly me.
You can't be free, and that's just it,
All you are is 'somebody.'
Some-body.
"Some body."

"Some body" is something,
And some body can change the world.

I like to constantly mix up my mind and take everything I know and stick it in a blender, then switch it on 'Liquefy' and wait until everything and anything I thought I knew is nothing but a smoothie of confusion. I could choose to leave that smoothie in the blender and go down a nice hot mug of reality, or I can choose to down the smoothie and get lost in the taste of it all, mixed together so fervently that one former form of knowledge is incomprehensibly inseparable from another former form of knowledge. It is at this point that I either come to terms with the fact that they are so mixed up there will never be any individual understanding of any of them ever again, or I start down the futile road of separating all the puree'd ingredients of the smoothie in a vein attempt to make them solid and individual once again. When I start down that road, I have no choice but to acknowledge I will never reach the end, and I have to acknowledge that never again will the blended banana ever be a solid part of reality, and I have to acknowledge that I have no proof to say the milk and yogurt were ever of separate forms. This is when reality becomes incomprehensible, yet closer to the honest nature of the universe, and further from the conventional delusions of the human mind.

This is when it becomes clear that we are all blind;
This is when it becomes obvious that there is no great truth to find,
And that we are lost in the beauty and delusion of perception.

This is when it becomes clear that we're alive.

Had I fought the minds marginal error by staring into the glare of the granite counter,
I might have found myself to be haunted by the thoughts of misinterpretations as I cowered,
Hiding in fear from the thoughts I had misread;
Perhaps I'm too tired, or perhaps my body is made out of lead and has therefore rotted my mind to the core..
Something like an apple in the compost,
Or the composite measure of a lamp-post in juxtaposition from where I stood most often on the night that she died.

And I cried, and I cried, and I cried, and I cried,
But for the most part, it was irrelevant. For the hell of it, I didn't fight it, as the pain had hit the pit of that slit in my heart where I held her so close;
And for too long, my heart fell into a state of comatose, but I made the most out of all I had lost,
But nothing worth gaining can come without cost..
So it's for this reason I ceased measuring what I had gained, or how differently the furniture in my minds living room had been re-arranged by the causation of my future elation that, for the moment, was making me sick to my stomach...
As I found that inside of myself, comparison can only take away from my shelf of rational wisdom and heart to be handed.
Forever, your name on my heart has been branded, in a form I find quite candid in comparison to what later came to be,
The future love I didn't truly feel until I looked back in alarmed retrospect
And realized, I had just missed the border post where it was the point of my comma that they checked,
So as such, it appeared I was under-arrest,
But while my mind was in jail I toned my behavior to the very best and later broke the vestige of ignorance that had previously vexed that place in my mind I had forgotten to check.

And aw, what the heck, I'll blatantly honest.
I've always thought of myself as modest artist whose realized that the world can't be changed,
Only temporarily re-arranged;
And this current arrangement has gone completely insane,
So I'm waiting around for some revolutionary rain;
*** the clouds are quite visible,
But our confidence is divisible by factors of 300 invisible and miserable Marxists stuck in a closet of oblivious self-denial.

All I know is this world is on trial, and if we don't march the final mile in less than awhile,
We're going to miss our chance to plant the seeds while the soils fertile.

So I'm ready.
Everyone, get ready.
It's time to make this world a bit sick and unsteady,
Because it's time for the furniture in our minds to be re-arranged by the causation of our future elation that, for the moment, is making us sick to our stomach.
And don't turn around, this is the worst time to turn back;
Just cut the slack; freedom is behind those great walls we have yet to attack,
So sit back and wait for the call of the words which we lack,
*** they're coming,
And they're coming real soon.
So soon, I can already feel the monsoon sweeping across the exposed cityscapes,
Tracing the skylines shape in the clouds while I sleep.

You may not entirely understand the reality of a 'dank existence,'
As the ranks of society have used interpretive dance as resistance
To the lime-green light that illuminates that room in the brain,
Where interpretation of thought drives explanation insane.

You may not entirely understand what is real;
From the epilogue clearing fictions fog to what makes an orange peel,
As it's not a simple way to live every day,
But it's found that, quite obviously, it is the best way,
Lacking the patch of reality's seal,
It truly is the only real way to feel.

To say that my mind has gone mad without power,
Is like saying pop-rocks from '67 aren't sour,
Or a Peoples Republic won't rise like a tower,
Over Western metropolis, and the President's glower.

And to say that my brain is subdued within chains,
Is like claiming humanity never made it to space.
It's a possibility, but from any value of face,
The assumption is old, and conservingly fake.

Lets say we randomize all events in our lives;
From the time we wake up, to where we close our eyes,
And the constant adventure, as to 'where to go next,'
Finds that our past is quite static once the next second is vexed
And the constant thieving of the ideas that we steal,

Makes life an existentialists ideal meal,

With the past, and the present, and the future entwined,
It's a smorgasbord of endeavor drawn outside the lines,
And we love it.