Mass Move system
1 am carry me away
Sunrise floated home
Greyhound 2 hours
each way to see your lovely face
down a shot of moonlight
miles and miles and miles and miles
3 books annotated
underlines like bicycle wheel spokes
skewed and rippled
4 eyes
worn and felt
scattered sleepers
curled in knots and felt at peace
5 texts sent
to different loves
sad but too real to ignore (too many tears cried dry)
dehydration kept me whole (denied)

Four years since I met Rosie
Longest I have ever loved
and that moment was the best I've ever had
She is lost but not forgotten
She was on my lap asleep
It was just one girl in love (but it's not sad)

I would like to speak to Rosie
Tell her everything I feel
but I'm better off alone, than on her hand
Used to be I'm only happy when in my summer land
but for her I swear I'd never go again

That girls got something, I cant say no
Only bit of warmth thats ever come my way
If I could tell her how much I miss her
I'd give my whole self, plus a lifetime if I could only kiss her

Been Four years since I met Rosie
Almost two since she's been gone
She's the kinda girl who stays trapped in your head
I'm Hopelessly in love with Rosie
But it sure beats moving on
Got a feeling I'll next see her when I'm dead

Absolute Far Fetch
Colossal Mafioso
Act Alive Tyrant

Hell Broken Daisy
Delete Everyone But You
Strike A Match, New Blaze

*******, King Trainwreck
Unladen Swallow, **** ****
Devour Comfort

The absence of air
weighs on the ever expanding universe
but ever expanding into what?
Into my mothers coffee cup?
Into an outdated chemistry textbook as old as I am?
Into a hollowed ostrich egg?
Into impossible space
An unoccupied place that cant exist
where nothing is noted
and flustered frames don't move
a moth wont fly
a blank wall that hasn't been built yet
and nothing blossoms, for there is no light

Swell
cut back
trace the outline of my shadow
with caution tape
Holy ****, I'm about to die

Arpeggios
Metronomical beats
****** the tempo
with a chorale prelude
This time in Pig Latin:
Oly-Hay Uck-Fay, M-Iay Bout-Aay O-Tay Ie-Day

Out of key
with somber inflections
Press on my dear, Press on
with a dog eared national geographic
bookmarked to all the places I want to travel
One more time for someone who cares:

mediocrity is nothing
ice cold
grid patterned wave
unfathomable
and equally squeaky

put me in a box made of pine and lashed with leather boot strings
drip drop drizzle
the smell of rain
is **** on concrete
unkimonolike

moving like one of those
blow up nightmare monsters
whipping wildly at a used car dealership
feeling not unlike the owner’s mustache
which is to say greasy

frankenstein shoes and bubblegum sinuses
texture and 8bit timothy grass
talk to the priest nudge him my way
we’ll share a cup of milk and honey
dont forget to eat the stars like blisters

ice cold
mediocrity is nothing
but my *** hitting the ground
when i slip on a wet rock

I had a dream I was a tiny tiny pixie
and I lived in an ostrich egg,
Riding kittens and caterpillars,
dawning an acorn shell cap,
lounging, indulging in a flower petal nap
I baked an herbal cake, delicate in flavor
I invited my dad for lunch, and he ate it all in just one bite

She was sprawled out,
draped in grey,
lying on her ocean bed
tinted in evergreen,
and wafting sumac scent
moon resting on a silver chain
around her neck
she was a presence of peace
loving eyes locked
lingering on the bejeweled strand
of pearls around between my breast

a seafaring man would fear her,
but a salt laced maid would love her

i remember when she ran her fingers through my hair
and i remember when she kissed my cheek and
there is nothing i miss more

im used

**** it im used

stop being cryptic and confusing
stop making me feel used
talk to me
what are we?

there are no words in my vast vocabulary that can articulate how much I want silence
I need there to be no words in my head, no words around me, no one asking me questions
just quiet

to be honest i dread being put under the microscope
and right now i feel trapped between slides

i just need silence for once
or maybe meaningless conversation

I'm scared of driving but if it would make this work ill get my license
- I would drive up every change i got
- Any time you need I would drive up 40 minutes isn't that far really
- I would drive up at 2 am if you asked me to
- I like you a lot and I just want you to like me to, and i thought you did
- It ***** that its like this but i cant help but feel that you used me
- I love that you made me feel wanted, and I hate you for taking that away
- If you wanted a relationship with her, why did you pursue one with me
- I just hate that you asked me out and then you pushed me away
- Why didn't you tell me before I asked you directly
- Did you ever even intend this at all?
- Why
- You said you didn't want to hurt me but you also said you wanted to give it a chance
- You sexted me this morning and then confess that you don't want me anymore, this was leading, why were you leading?
- Did you ever like me at all
- Why?

I felt like a pebble tossed though waves, unsteady, being polished by constant pressing tides
turning me over in Poseidon's calloused hands
gently but firmly held and cycled until smooth

low and behold i was dropped to dreary depths
left worthless and cold not entirely unlike a child's bike discarded in the rain to rust on their lawn
plain and simply alone

one would think it would be calmer on the ocean floor
but when the currents swell up it is tearing and straining
guiding me into every rock and rough patch on the coastal shelf
no longer polishing but pummeling, grinding me smaller and smaller

less of a pebble more of a grain, easily missed in the icy ecosystem
call me by a new name, and give me new memories
too many times have i been not just left in the dust, but turned into dust
you don't know how easy it is to overlook dust

Would you believe hot an cold can occur at the same time
mixing inside to tear up the outer goosebumped skin
**** poetic ******* this is my life and i am allowed to use the word I without feeling vain
LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME
I am vulnerable
and here he is standing stoic not talking to me little does he know he set off this chain reaction
"i dont want you to be my lightning rod"
LET ME
I have to be your lightning rod
if im ignored i get lost in my own head
yell at me it would bring relief
right now im trapped in a block of ice
talk to me
next theres a friend closer than any other leaving me in the dust
hes supposed to be my bestfriend but i am ignored more than any other
3rd is a confidante who is ******* terrible at his job i take all his ****
all of it but when i need a hand to hold im kicked to the curb
its always like this
and its all my fault im too much of a burden
im too needy i drag uninterested people into my web and strangle them with my information until they're fly husks and im empty
and theyre emptier
i feel terrible but they dump so much **** on me i need a break
please use me i suppose its better than being alone

Deep in the woods I discovered the bones of a God
a fearless one who tamed the wind with her silver whistle
she was a kick to the chest on her best day
on her worst she was the taste of baking chocolate

I tripped over them, half buried under the hand sewn lace trees
and fell into her disjointed arms that sheltered me in their sinew cradle
I’ve never felt as safe in my life as I did curled between her brittle bones
she was a castle’s ruins in the heart of the forest

Deep in the woods I discovered the bones of a God
a gentle one who spat life into the ocean and dyed the skies to match her gown
she was a force to be reckoned with on her best day
on her worst she was an abandoned pile of bones

Hold my hand
turn to me and tell me "run"
close my eyes
breathe in deep
breathe out lightly
feel the tapping on the snare drum
living in my feet
papering my skin with canvas
to paint over my mistakes
so lets get on planes to the horizon
moss beneath feet
mirrored in the lakes water
breath doesn't fog this glass
caught in brambles
make a bed of leaves
for us to lie on
glancing at the sky
pointing out places to fly  
kissed my each of my fingertips
smiling saying "My oh my"
calm forest summer eve
hearing just cicada screams

5pm is such a pretty time if you think about it
Im relatively certain that it's just through my eyes
The church lit up all pretty and white
The sky a softy blue and the twinkle lights in the trees

I felt my legs weighed down by crushing existence
i felt my arms floating up light as hell
exhausted and rejuvenated  
id kiss the sky if im not so certain i would stretch myself too thin

i heard you mention my name in an elevator once
coming up from the second floor to the penthouse suite
you kissed my forehead and dropped your suspenders
blouse, skirt, ******* hit the ground
all that was left were your white lace lined socks
and your pretty saddle shoes untied and loose
I ran my hand through my hair you one called apricot  
you seared me with your hands
and burned a hole through me with your mouth

eloise and i curled up underneath the christmas tree
covered in glitter, and pine needles
the soft crackling of the fire
and the nutcracker soundtrack playing over the speakers
safe in her arms and happy again

I relate more to her than anyone I think
a kiss on the neck
and some blood in my sink
dripping to drain with tears in my eyes
he loves me he loves me
I would rather die
than give up my love
and give up my smile
my mister, my pudding
the carving the cry

I LAugh at 4:30am when I bleed in my bed
I laUgh at my arms imagining their place around your neck
I lauGH at you handsome when I see your phantom grin
Baby I would let you toy with my mind
My body My life
I am only happy when you're choking me dead

I've been sleeping on the floor next to my furnace
It started in the summer too warm to sleep in my bed,
sandwiched in between to fans and curled up to control my temperature

but over the months I went back to by bed
slept two feet off the ground with my wobbly headboard that bangs on the wall when I toss and turn

Three days ago I went back to the tiny floorspace I carved out for myself
I thought it was because I was cold and scared I just wanted to curl up
Warm, safe in a little nest after I realized I lost control and I don't know

After I saw a final moment of peace between two wholesome hell storms
I realized that you kept your mattress on the hardwood floor
You kept me safe and warm and now I feel safe and warm on the floor

but this time its without you

swinging, draped gown tailored to her body, sheer, covered in lace
onyx stone she slays any opposition
dropping spaces within
her labyrinthine maze
to squeeze out every drop of
renown for which she paid
tasting, craving every single shred of love and fame and praise
yet no one fully trusts her satin words
of manic haze
pressing fingers to her temples,
praying for a quiet page perfect moment
too eager, full of haste
desperate to maintain her facade of grace
her frenzied try hard card, an easy ace of spades

rosie for you i am stuck in a state of limerence
i count daisy petals for you in my head
picking the light home grown baby softs
reminds me of  you moisturizing your hands with your
lotion and rubbing them on mine when you took too much
the abstract will you wont you concept
gives me hope and a knot in my chest
trailing into my tummy

I wish i could count the times i held your hand
in the dark
the same way that i tick tock those knock off floral fingers
rosie you give me some life back into my brittle bones
I wish you weren't a world away and I wish you were instead in my sightline
you are my horizon
push me into the future so i'm not stuck in your arms anymore

Its mind blowing to me
that we claim stock of something so
cacophonous and vast
its like putting a for sale sign on the void

you are my makeshift harbor
the crook of your neck makes the perfect home
for my cheek to dock
your hands are the best place for mine to drop anchor
your eyes are the place I wanna cast my nets
and rake in all they have to offer
the way you face into humanities coastline is astounding
nestled in
seated next to riptides in class
and sleeping with tsunamis at night
but you are a makeshift harbor

Anything can be a harbor if it tries hard enough
the cereal bowl filled to the brim with cheerio boats
an emails inbox, emails coming and going like ships
a car radio, songs and stations crossing the channels
even a bank account, emptied and flushed with the change of a calendar page

but you don't even try to be so inviting,
you just welcome all in and feel like a peaceful home

hey Rosie Im just calling to check in
gimme a call back okay see ya bye
I heard you're not so okay
I heard you need a hand to hold
its hard to sit by a deathbed
and pretend that you're fine
Im kinda lost in your shoes
and I know you've walked a hundred miles barefoot
I remember when you were happy and wore my old tee shirt

Hey Rosie its me again
I don't wanna go home
not until I hear you say Au Revoir
its kinda lonely without your rock n roll blaring
and the smell of your incense you always leave burning
I know you're not so okay
its scary to watch someone die
Im kinda empty in your absence
and Im probably playing the lottery
until I here you say Im done with you

Hey Rosie Ive got a bad habit and its leaving you voicemails
since mothers day is coming up I was wondering if you want me to go with you to her uh.. funeral I know i didn't really know your mom but anyway, either way come home Rosie I miss you, and I wanna kiss your freckled neck and listen to you play the piano





Hey Abby its me, Sorry I haven't taken your calls Im sorry.. Its been kinda rough..
I need to leave, I know this is your home too and I know your family is here but what is the point if I stay
I don't wanna ask you to go with me thats unfair to you, but I like you
and I love the tiny details about you that are kinda irrelevant and it has nothing to do with anything but I miss them and don't wanna lose them I like the way your shirt kinda hangs off your shoulder and I miss the little scar behind your knee
sorry Im rambling, what I mean to say
Is I gotta do this now and I don't have many options and I don't wanna stay so I dont wanna ask you to come with me but Im going
and If you wanna come with me it would be an adventure

Abbs its me dont come with me you have a life here and I dont want you to leave it behind for me

Its me again, come with me Abby I don't wanna go alone and Im standing on your back porch now come out please.. wait no don't I'm being stupid Im leaving






Rosie its me Im On my way

spine puzzle pieces
click clacking into place leaving a column
in place of all of these stone wrecked pieces
people say i own the night but really I own a look
a look in peoples eyes that implies fear
and misunderstanding

rocking chair revelry
on a lively back porch patio
i don't believe i really belong here though
instead I'm more often found stuck inside a
stick and stone broken bone cavern
incased in faux life dreams of
the man i follow

Yellow eyes staring back at me
living in my mirror
hungry eyes weakened by the glory in gaze
whole in the body eager in the eyes
favor me

Decadence layered like waves of fog
swept up in a world class, wide range whirlpool
road of autumnal glory, stained like gray day dream
peaceful in its silence, soft in its simplicity

however beneath that dream soaked ragtime sunrise
there was the sharp cut of cold that seeps into your bones
sealed with a padlock engraved in armored frost
drained of summer sincerity

Long have I lingered in morning's eyes
swept into her breath and held in her mighty lungs
holding the moment like a ripe apricot,
which is to say gently, in both hands

Though the moment lives in the light filtered through leaves
I live in the dirt cut from beneath my fingernails,
a warm leather jacket, pressed close to my chest, worn in the elbows
I live in my own switchblade sky

i lose so many people on this sick journey to nowhere
honestly its so **** draining

hush little moon, don't say a word
freezing is not your demise
autumn will come and go but guilt lasts until you weep over a strangers grave

hold on little duckling, your time will come
stationary living isn't for people like us
winters will fill you, **** will weigh down your bones but hurt will taint the living

sleep little seashell, just close your eyes
homely overseers spitting "thrivethrivethrIVETHRIVETHRIVE"
summer makes us tear out sinew from our muscles and pray to the great spirit we are washed away by the tide but salt water doesn't cure distance

die little raincloud, just drift away
owl eyes aren't without a price
spring takes its toll, but love cant kiss away history and prozac cant stop decay

Greasy hair tied back
pink scrunchies haphazardly holding together the unbrushed strands
rosemary mint chapstick smeared between lips and lips and lips on lips
backseat bouncer, I'll leave when the dance is done
The same type of ***** this visual you get when you watch the sky turn in the AM
pink, blue, green, gold, gone
shoes off in hand, feet itch on concrete
to corner store barely open fifteen minutes
cherry coke slushies are so good at 7AM  
how dare you preach to me calling me
"Honey, Baby Girl, Peach"
listen to me for a change
Im no lesser than you because I prefer to live like wind
with a here today gone tomorrow mindset
It wasn't love, this isn't love
wont answer your calls, at school a nod in the halls,
baby my motto is pitstops and pitfalls
a brief rest for restoration, then back to hopping barbed wire fences
I don't mean to be mean but this is the last you'll see of me for a long time
because Love isn't real and if it is she took it with her

I sat at the Lighthouse and looked at the sky
feeling the breeze caressing my spine
little did I know this would be the last time
that I would sit on these rocks in the early july

I felt like an oyster on the half shell
hearing the wind in the trees casting their spell
The bouy rocking and ringing its bell
the sunrise is effortless painted pastel

life was so easy then

2005
I wish I had loved you then
when life was simple
and love was easy
when you and I were young enough to stay
over at each other's houses and
talk all night
on the mattress we dragged out in front of the tv

                 2010
I wish I had loved you then
When love was awkward, small
and we were innocent
When we could look into each others eyes
and know that we were too scared
to hold hands even in public
and was lost when you kissed me

                  2016
Im glad we love each other now
when we're both sixteen and I learn to drive
and you text me when I got home
when you hold my hand without shame
to and tell our parents for our first time
when you kiss my nose
and clumsily love me

and even then that fades
from contact daily to a nod in the halls
why do I love rejection
why do I feel like my entire body is a leg that fell asleep
why are we pending
why is it that I cant see a volvo without thinking about the moss on your windshield
why am I seated on the gross tiled floor in a dingy room trying to ignore the thought of you
why cant I look at my favorite sweater anymore
why cant I drink milk or drive that strip of highway
why cant I remember how love felt with someone else
why do I forget that I mean so little to you
why did I let you replace my big A with your little e
why cant I listen to Beethoven without feeling scared and alone
why do I let your rejection become me
why am I so scared that losing you means forgetting me
why has it been 1 month and nine days since we last spoke
why do I count that
why do I feel like disassociation is my default when you aren't there to tell me it isn't
why am I not able to look in that envelope without losing breath the envelope that used to take my breath away for another reason
But most importantly why do I love yellow when its eviscerating to look at

why do I love rejection
why am I projecting meaning onto a little grey arrow
why do I feel like my entire body is a leg that fell asleep
why am I pending
why are we pending
why do I feel so out of place in a room of friends
why am I so sad to people I love happy
why am I this selfish
why is it that I cant see a car without thinking about the moss on your windshield
why am I seated on the gross tiled floor in a dingy room trying to ignore the thought of you
why cant I look at my favorite sweater anymore
why cant I drink milk or drive that strip of highway
why cant I remember how love felt with someone else
why do I forget that I mean so little to you
why do I let that small reminder affect me
why did I let you replace my big A with your little e
why cant I listen to Beethoven without feeling scared
why do I let your rejection become me
why did scary tyler, or uninhibited jules, or violent todd, or lovely katherine let their names become rejection too
why am I so scared that losing you means forgetting me
why has it been 1 month and nine days since we last spoke
why do I count that
why do I feel like disassociation is my default when you aren't there to tell me it isn't
why am I not able to look in that envelope without losing breath
But most importantly why do I love yellow when its eviscerating to look at

I sat at the Lighthouse and looked at the sky
feeling the breeze caressing my spine
little did I know this would be the last time
that I would sit on these rocks in the early july

I felt like an oyster on the half shell
hearing the wind in the trees casting their spell
The bouy rocking and ringing its bell
the sunrise is effortless painted pastel

life was so easy then

I understand that you are a lone wolf and I understand that you live in a ****** home, and I understand all of you because I am your best friend Ive known you since I am five but that doesn't give you license to treat me like a moth that flits around your computer screen when you're up late at night

I see all of the good in you and I see how capable you are even when you don't seem to believe it I support you in all of the dreams you have and the things you want to do and you don't care enough to look, you don't care enough to support me, to see me it seems like Im on the see through side of a one way mirror

I speak to you I ask you questions I make an effort to talk you you because thats what best friends do they take interest in each others lives they talk to each other and make sure that they know you're always there for them when they want to talk but right now its just the messages that keep getting delivered and theres no one on the other end

I love so many pieces of you and you say you love me back but theres a knot in my chest that just keeps tugging on me and saying that you're lying because you keep acting like I'm nothing to you like I am just a character in a book that you pretend you enjoyed for your english teacher

I do keep trying to fix this because I care so much and we used to be so good and I thought we were so great I do want to fight for this friendship but only if you want to because its really hard to bail out a sinking boat that I don't know is going down

I feel so hurt I feel horrible because everything is going down around me and the only person I want to talk to is you but I cant because you always make me feel worse always I don't know why I try to talk to you anymore because it makes me hurt its like Im telling someone to punch me in the gut when Im already bruised

I am so sad and angry at you and I just want you to ******* respond so we can either talk it out or quit now Because this is torture and you just keep hanging me out to dry and I just keep trying but if theres no use then please please tell me now so that I don't waste my time and keep growing attached because I am stretching myself so thin and I just cant take another heartbreak Please If you even care one bit about me you will just tell me where we stand now so I can know if we are worth saving

I understand, I see, I speak, I love, I do, I feel, I am not nearly as indifferent as you seem to be

You don't treat me as an equal, you make me feel as though i am so small you say I am your best friend but you ignore me and make me feel like an ant next to an airplane

2. YOU REALLY HURT ME. you always really hurt me.

3. If you don't want to be friends just tell me because I will just keep getting more attached to you and it will hurt me more later.

4. This is so one sided and I don't want it to be please put effort in or let me know that I am just putting coins into a bank account that just keeps getting emptied.

5. I don't know what I did to change the way you feel about me. We were so close and now you make me feel like we're two parallel lines going on but never touching

I wish I was an old ******* greek man
because then I would be dead and treasured
hubristic immortal

1st love beware:
all I wanted was to touch
eleven and feeling my hand on yours
Honestly I feel like I just couldn't help falling in love with you
with your Lindsay Stirling blaring as we get dizzy in the dirt
you and I were on ocean avenue sitting we played cards and you cut your initials into the window pane
You were charming and I was in love
in the back of the lodge on the moon
living in a childhood world our island
our training wheeled heaven

Second love my sad girl summer:
Backseat Serenade seated and talking in the sun
you tickle me because you said you liked my smile
a cigarette daydream before I even knew what it was
a love with an arm around me and a giggle in my mouth
you were the dream of my tween years
you gave me a lust for life again you trusted me
with all of your secrets
even though I was young the M word terrified me
but you were the first person I ever even thought about that way

3rd love something stuck:
You made me comedown from a fog in my head
living off something other than adrenaline
who says I cant be in love at 15 young relationships
don't let adults fool you though they don't last love starts from the day you're born
And also that makes me really scared Im really scared
you were the only boy I wanted to date in high school
you were my prom song, but I never went wrong

4th love girl everlasting:
Samson was never strong enough to hold me back
no matter how hard I tried I couldn't not love you
You were so tall, a giant and its safe to say I like giants
you were also so small but you gave me so much life
yet the everlasting question remains how do I tell a girl I want to kiss her
How do I feel so much for someone who lives so cold near me
I love to hear her talk as she rambles on rose
as if she weren't a wildflower
I spend my mornings thinking of a life without you
and my nights hoping it will never come to that

decompressing on a mattress
a white one without sheets
wearing bug *******
and  the loose yellow sweater
with the worn out elbows
and too long sleeves

I saw you walking
you looked so small
like a rosebud
it was raining and i was so in love
the outside of the windows looks like a forest
despite my suburban life.
i loved you so much

Dearest shiver down my spine,
        Your memory is fleeting
in the evenings of july
I am hardly sleeping

i wish you were an oyster
and i wish i was your shell
as much as i adore you
my mind is stagnant as hell

I saw you chopped your hair off
it really gave me life
to see you living loosely
smiling cold as ice

I ran into you this evening
in a small cafe
you kissed my cheek
i couldn't speak
i felt it down my spine

2005
I wish I had loved you then
when life was simple
and love was easy
when you and I were young enough to stay
over at each other's houses and
talk all night
on the mattress we dragged out in front of the tv
                 2010
I wish I had loved you then
When love was awkward, small
and you hardly knew what *** was
When we could look into each others eyes
and know that we were too scared
to hold hands even in public
and was lost when you kissed me
                  2016
Im glad we love each other now
when we're both sixteen and I learn to drive
and you text me when I got home
when you hold my hand in cvs
to buy condoms for our first time
when you kiss my nose
and clumsily love me

No one trusts me
I'm just their little daughter
Their little lying daughter

I once heard my mother call me a *******
It was through the wall while she was arguing with my father on the phone
Sometimes I think he might be the only one who likes me

oh dear o dear
im late im late
Im sorry dear
By loving heart and dying ear
i learn from teeth spilled on concrete
linoleum is scary?  
and without you i am early

I left myself bleeding in the street
but most of all
most of all I turned to the jailor and asked about
the sea
he told me it was salty
and added so was he

His wife a younger woman
shes cheating with the warden
the warden, she loves women
and women they love her
shes never seen the ocean
but shes tasted salt between their legs

and still im late
a lying *****
on accident
defendant

dearly beloved i've gathered you here today
to remind you of the smell of your father
the warm feeling you got when he held your hands
love feels that way
like home

darlings i search for a man like my father
the same age
who felt the same way looking down on me with love
the same smell, the same warmth when he holds my hands
i search for a man who feels like home

All i want is a man on prom night who
will give me enough love to write his name on my *******
a man who will give me enough dignity to drink schnapps and not feel ashamed

I wrote a letter the other day.
dancing around the subject of dragonflies
I don’t speak in their language
honestly its too complicated
because I don’t speak in nuzzles
I don’t speak in love
I speak in the cold attitude of indifference
I mutter thoughts in blue ballpoint pen

To him I speak in keyboard clicks
with a snap of a twig we flip
and we are in the same room
matching cereal bowls
emptied of their contents in the sink
We speak in notches on a bed post
and a mattress on the floor
We speak in unwashed sheets
He crushes my disdain as if it were a walnut shell
and informs me that I speak in my sleep

Whatever the weather we stay at home
stare out the windows at the fairy lit wilderness
jotting down whatever concepts come to mind
he is cream rolling in peaks
smooth and whipped
poured over his duvet
as if he were cool whip on peach pie
He is my worst intentions personified

I wrote a letter the other day.
dancing around the subject of dragonflies
I dont speak in their language
but he speaks mine
even though its complicated
we don't speak in words
we speak in private displays of affection
we speak in caring closed door moments
and the texts he asks me to send when I walk home alone
To make sure I am safe
and In the end I may mutter thoughts in blue ballpoint pen
but He reads them loud and clear and responds in love

all i want to do is
swallow swallow swallow swallow
i breathe death
and my painted knuckles bruise green in their luminescence
hearing her speak is like crushing lines
and tracing my entrails tract
you are not me
you are not me
you are not me
and i want to swallow the ocean
feel the sloshing tides consume me
burn the frizzy kinks from my hair
you dont see the light in me
you dont see me
i am so so much more than the minuscule sect you see
of me in this life
if i cant give my all to you
then i feel as though its clear that im so divided up
in my life that my the pieces of me cant collect enough
to put in your swollen arms
to call your own
calling me small is an understatement when in reality
i am so much bigger than you
and i may be crying now because you tell me that i am not enough
but in the end i will be so so much bigger than you

in a park
lost my virginity
it ******

thats it this was a psa thanks

hello satisfaction
where the **** are you

where are you
and how did you come into my life
you vanilla candle dream
you lovely acre of midsummer land
heavenly fairylight daydream girl
glow of firefly **** and acorn heart
you are the apex of august
you are my solstice
the darkening leaves
gracing the ground
she is the red and golden aura  
of the love i feel for her