I'm scared of driving but if it would make this work ill get my license
- I would drive up every change i got
- Any time you need I would drive up 40 minutes isn't that far really
- I would drive up at 2 am if you asked me to
- I like you a lot and I just want you to like me to, and i thought you did
- It ***** that its like this but i cant help but feel that you used me
- I love that you made me feel wanted, and I hate you for taking that away
- If you wanted a relationship with her, why did you pursue one with me
- I just hate that you asked me out and then you pushed me away
- Why didn't you tell me before I asked you directly
- Did you ever even intend this at all?
- Why
- You said you didn't want to hurt me but you also said you wanted to give it a chance
- You sexted me this morning and then confess that you don't want me anymore, this was leading, why were you leading?
- Did you ever like me at all
- Why?

I felt like a pebble tossed though waves, unsteady, being polished by constant pressing tides
turning me over in Poseidon's calloused hands
gently but firmly held and cycled until smooth

low and behold i was dropped to dreary depths
left worthless and cold not entirely unlike a child's bike discarded in the rain to rust on their lawn
plain and simply alone

one would think it would be calmer on the ocean floor
but when the currents swell up it is tearing and straining
guiding me into every rock and rough patch on the coastal shelf
no longer polishing but pummeling, grinding me smaller and smaller

less of a pebble more of a grain, easily missed in the icy ecosystem
call me by a new name, and give me new memories
too many times have i been not just left in the dust, but turned into dust
you don't know how easy it is to overlook dust

Would you believe hot an cold can occur at the same time
mixing inside to tear up the outer goosebumped skin
**** poetic ******* this is my life and i am allowed to use the word I without feeling vain
LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME
I am vulnerable
and here he is standing stoic not talking to me little does he know he set off this chain reaction
"i dont want you to be my lightning rod"
LET ME
I have to be your lightning rod
if im ignored i get lost in my own head
yell at me it would bring relief
right now im trapped in a block of ice
talk to me
next theres a friend closer than any other leaving me in the dust
hes supposed to be my bestfriend but i am ignored more than any other
3rd is a confidante who is ******* terrible at his job i take all his ****
all of it but when i need a hand to hold im kicked to the curb
its always like this
and its all my fault im too much of a burden
im too needy i drag uninterested people into my web and strangle them with my information until they're fly husks and im empty
and theyre emptier
i feel terrible but they dump so much **** on me i need a break
please use me i suppose its better than being alone

Deep in the woods I discovered the bones of a God
a fearless one who tamed the wind with her silver whistle
she was a kick to the chest on her best day
on her worst she was the taste of baking chocolate

I tripped over them, half buried under the hand sewn lace trees
and fell into her disjointed arms that sheltered me in their sinew cradle
I’ve never felt as safe in my life as I did curled between her brittle bones
she was a castle’s ruins in the heart of the forest

Deep in the woods I discovered the bones of a God
a gentle one who spat life into the ocean and dyed the skies to match her gown
she was a force to be reckoned with on her best day
on her worst she was an abandoned pile of bones

Hold my hand
turn to me and tell me "run"
close my eyes
breathe in deep
breathe out lightly
feel the tapping on the snare drum
living in my feet
papering my skin with canvas
to paint over my mistakes
so lets get on planes to the horizon
moss beneath feet
mirrored in the lakes water
breath doesn't fog this glass
caught in brambles
make a bed of leaves
for us to lie on
glancing at the sky
pointing out places to fly  
kissed my each of my fingertips
smiling saying "My oh my"
calm forest summer eve
hearing just cicada screams

5pm is such a pretty time if you think about it
Im relatively certain that it's just through my eyes
The church lit up all pretty and white
The sky a softy blue and the twinkle lights in the trees

I felt my legs weighed down by crushing existence
i felt my arms floating up light as hell
exhausted and rejuvenated  
id kiss the sky if im not so certain i would stretch myself too thin

i heard you mention my name in an elevator once
coming up from the second floor to the penthouse suite
you kissed my forehead and dropped your suspenders
blouse, skirt, ******* hit the ground
all that was left were your white lace lined socks
and your pretty saddle shoes untied and loose
I ran my hand through my hair you one called apricot  
you seared me with your hands
and burned a hole through me with your mouth

eloise and i curled up underneath the christmas tree
covered in glitter, and pine needles
the soft crackling of the fire
and the nutcracker soundtrack playing over the speakers
safe in her arms and happy again