I relate more to her than anyone I think
a kiss on the neck
and some blood in my sink
dripping to drain with tears in my eyes
he loves me he loves me
I would rather die
than give up my love
and give up my smile
my mister, my pudding
the carving the cry

I LAugh at 4:30am when I bleed in my bed
I laUgh at my arms imagining their place around your neck
I lauGH at you handsome when I see your phantom grin
Baby I would let you toy with my mind
My body My life
I am only happy when you're choking me dead

I've been sleeping on the floor next to my furnace
It started in the summer too warm to sleep in my bed,
sandwiched in between to fans and curled up to control my temperature

but over the months I went back to by bed
slept two feet off the ground with my wobbly headboard that bangs on the wall when I toss and turn

Three days ago I went back to the tiny floorspace I carved out for myself
I thought it was because I was cold and scared I just wanted to curl up
Warm, safe in a little nest after I realized I lost control and I don't know

After I saw a final moment of peace between two wholesome hell storms
I realized that you kept your mattress on the hardwood floor
You kept me safe and warm and now I feel safe and warm on the floor

but this time its without you

swinging, draped gown tailored to her body, sheer, covered in lace
onyx stone she slays any opposition
dropping spaces within
her labyrinthine maze
to squeeze out every drop of
renown for which she paid
tasting, craving every single shred of love and fame and praise
yet no one fully trusts her satin words
of manic haze
pressing fingers to her temples,
praying for a quiet page perfect moment
too eager, full of haste
desperate to maintain her facade of grace
her frenzied try hard card, an easy ace of spades

rosie for you i am stuck in a state of limerence
i count daisy petals for you in my head
picking the light home grown baby softs
reminds me of  you moisturizing your hands with your
lotion and rubbing them on mine when you took too much
the abstract will you wont you concept
gives me hope and a knot in my chest
trailing into my tummy

I wish i could count the times i held your hand
in the dark
the same way that i tick tock those knock off floral fingers
rosie you give me some life back into my brittle bones
I wish you weren't a world away and I wish you were instead in my sightline
you are my horizon
push me into the future so i'm not stuck in your arms anymore

Its mind blowing to me
that we claim stock of something so
cacophonous and vast
its like putting a for sale sign on the void

you are my makeshift harbor
the crook of your neck makes the perfect home
for my cheek to dock
your hands are the best place for mine to drop anchor
your eyes are the place I wanna cast my nets
and rake in all they have to offer
the way you face into humanities coastline is astounding
nestled in
seated next to riptides in class
and sleeping with tsunamis at night
but you are a makeshift harbor

Anything can be a harbor if it tries hard enough
the cereal bowl filled to the brim with cheerio boats
an emails inbox, emails coming and going like ships
a car radio, songs and stations crossing the channels
even a bank account, emptied and flushed with the change of a calendar page

but you don't even try to be so inviting,
you just welcome all in and feel like a peaceful home

hey Rosie Im just calling to check in
gimme a call back okay see ya bye
I heard you're not so okay
I heard you need a hand to hold
its hard to sit by a deathbed
and pretend that you're fine
Im kinda lost in your shoes
and I know you've walked a hundred miles barefoot
I remember when you were happy and wore my old tee shirt

Hey Rosie its me again
I don't wanna go home
not until I hear you say Au Revoir
its kinda lonely without your rock n roll blaring
and the smell of your incense you always leave burning
I know you're not so okay
its scary to watch someone die
Im kinda empty in your absence
and Im probably playing the lottery
until I here you say Im done with you

Hey Rosie Ive got a bad habit and its leaving you voicemails
since mothers day is coming up I was wondering if you want me to go with you to her uh.. funeral I know i didn't really know your mom but anyway, either way come home Rosie I miss you, and I wanna kiss your freckled neck and listen to you play the piano





Hey Abby its me, Sorry I haven't taken your calls Im sorry.. Its been kinda rough..
I need to leave, I know this is your home too and I know your family is here but what is the point if I stay
I don't wanna ask you to go with me thats unfair to you, but I like you
and I love the tiny details about you that are kinda irrelevant and it has nothing to do with anything but I miss them and don't wanna lose them I like the way your shirt kinda hangs off your shoulder and I miss the little scar behind your knee
sorry Im rambling, what I mean to say
Is I gotta do this now and I don't have many options and I don't wanna stay so I dont wanna ask you to come with me but Im going
and If you wanna come with me it would be an adventure

Abbs its me dont come with me you have a life here and I dont want you to leave it behind for me

Its me again, come with me Abby I don't wanna go alone and Im standing on your back porch now come out please.. wait no don't I'm being stupid Im leaving






Rosie its me Im On my way

spine puzzle pieces
click clacking into place leaving a column
in place of all of these stone wrecked pieces
people say i own the night but really I own a look
a look in peoples eyes that implies fear
and misunderstanding

rocking chair revelry
on a lively back porch patio
i don't believe i really belong here though
instead I'm more often found stuck inside a
stick and stone broken bone cavern
incased in faux life dreams of
the man i follow