You were always soft spoken
Whenever we came over you would sit in your big white chair with a heating pad
Everyone fought for that seat when you weren't in it
It was worn with your worries and woes
The heat taking away all of your aches and pains-at least temporarily

When we went to the lake you would take us fishing
Telling us that it was Canada or Michigan across the glistening waves
Zebra mussels always slicing through our toes making us stronger
But we collected the sea glass because after time someone's trash turned into our green and blue treasures

That mustard brown couch
The smell of scrambled eggs in the mornings when we would leave
The fresh tomato juice staring us down-you could finish a glass in two gulps

I will never meet a man who likes to take baths in the ocean
Who can swim so far without a sip of air

Your hands are rough and callused telling your past
Every bruise and scrape tells of your days fixing odds and ends
Working on the railroad

Your son called you resourceful
But in my mind you are an inventor-an artist
You built your homes with your bare hands
the cracks running along the walls
make it look homemade. Authentic
It matches the cracks of skin along your knuckles that tell the stories of your past

You look at the world through a kaleidoscope
Always finding some sort of positive light in the darkest corners
Always finding something to fix so it's in tip top shape

When the days turned into weeks and years the seasons took the best in you
The twinkle in your eye slowly dulled
And someone took away the spirit of you- my grandfather

The day your heart had too much to bear was my birthday
I came home to a frantic mother
We had piano lessons and the car ride felt like forever

The picture of us sat by my bedside every night until mom took it for you to look at

Your rough hands became smooth
your hair became long
Your cheeks sunk in
You slowly became a different man
But in my heart you were still the same confident soul

That night when you let all of your fears out so you could fly I finally accepted it
I told myself and The Lord that I would be alright without you by my side
Instead you would look down upon me and guide me

It was raining on that December 21st
I woke up to my parents gone and the house quiet

I went on a run
Thankful for the rain because I could cry and comfort myself without people noticing
That was one of the best runs I've ever had
It wasn't just a run--it made me think about life

It's funny that after a death we think about out own lives differently

I had to get my priorities straightened out
What do I want to be remembered for?

A caring mother
Bravery
Kindness
A best friend

Just like you
A fantastic father
Grandfather
Daredevil
Caring
Adventurous

If I die with half of the accomplishments you made, I will die a happy woman

My feet are disgusting and horrendous
Crooked toes and calluses tell my stories
the pitter patter of them on the kitchen floor, trying to be quit and not wake up my parents in the mornings when I was little
Always wishing they were bigger so I could get new shoes

Years wearing on my feet, scars from running into sharp corners

And yet they still hold me up

smushing them into my skates, getting calluses every week for eight years

running from one place another and are learning why every type of ground feels like between my toes

From the frozen pavement to the searing sand they have been through the harshest conditions

And yet they will never fail me

Decisions
Eanie meanie minie mo
one can not decide like so
your past is gone, let it go
eanie meanie minie mo

We think they were childish games to play
yet it tells our future each and every day

Its a 50-50 shot
you could go ether way
But there is no turning back

One step in the wrong direction and you are done for
Because the key was thrown into the ocean that could only open the locked door behind you

Like hot lava
A playground game
If you stumble off the side and landed in that hot firey pit of lava you were done for

That ocean where the key was thrown into has turned into a nasty green
The waves and seaweed churning under the dark stormy sky
This is not a message in a bottle but more of a lost man at sea

Every stepping stone could result in a broken heart
A bruise
A forgotten friend

One wrong decision could cause a prodigy to die

Like ******
His Mother almost got an abortion
Her family told her over and over to just go through with the pregnancy
She probably tossed that decision back and forth in her mind
But her family won the match

If she had decided to go against her family I wonder where society would be today

Would there be dozens of Einsteins?
A million Madonnas?
Would there be a cure for all the cancers?
For the common cold?

Every judgement is a puzzle piece
Every step you take back or turn in the unexpected direction is another step towards your fate

Everything matters
If you had gotten one more gallon of milk you wouldn't have run out so you wouldn't have gone to the store and meet your best friend there so you wouldn't be going to that Zumba class

Then you wouldn't have met five of you new best friends and your husband

All of that for a jug of milk

It's not until I don't have you around that I realize how much you mean to me

Every day went by wasted telling each other lies.

Trust me, you are not all fine and dandy every day, so you don't have to say that you're doing well if you're not
because I'm probably not fine ether

I really don't like how you kept things to yourself because I don't have a lot to look back on

But I guess that means I cherish every tidbit of your life that you've told me
Every sentence about your past is another puzzle piece you have given me

But I have begun to realize that this puzzle will always have some missing pieces

I used to be part of your future and in that singular moment I was a part of your present, but then I quickly became part of your past

I wanted so badly to become your friend-your partner in crime

You were hesitant, a little on the shy side

But now all we have to do is look at each other to understand each other's thoughts and feelings

I used to hide behind an imaginary shield because I thought there is no way someone like you would be friends with me
But then you slowly peeled away my shell and left me bare for you to take care of and I thank you for that

When you strutted into my life, your poise and properness took me by surprise because there aren't too many people in this society who still say yes mam and no sir to their parents

You taught me that it's not what's on the outside that counts
It's what's buried deep within your  heart that only shows it's true colors every once in a while
Before a race
After a long practice
Or maybe in the middle when all you want to do is laugh

It's these irrelevant moments when your true self shows

You signed onto osu today
I have been secretly wishing for this moment ever since you were applying to colleges
I am now reassured that our relationship won't end when states roll around this season
You promised to come to my meets at osu and I promised to visit whenever I see my sister

Your name means blessed and it fits your personality perfectly
You never take anything for granted

But don't ever be afraid because no matter what happens we will always be cheering you on from behind

I will always be here to cheer you up when you're down

When you leave and have to place to go I will welcome you into my home

I want hold onto your sunshines and save some for later and give them back to you when the rain falls hard
Because I've seen the best of you and the worst of you and I choose both

When we grow old and you are gone and the only memories I can remember are your smiles
I will always keep them in my heart forever

Because it's not until you're gone that I realize how much you mean to me

I have been following you around ever since I can remember

Your hand me downs I still wear, even if there are holes and stains, because not even the wash can get rid of your smell

Sometimes, when you seem extra far away, I whisper everything that happened to me throughout the day to my pillow
Just like old times

Whenever I hear something knock  the wall it reminds me of you. Of us and or secret little code

You have taught me many life lessons while I on the other hand give you love advice even though I have never been in a relationship

You're coming home today. A week of blasting Taylor swift before school and a week of story telling. A week of someone on my side

You asked mom if you could take the car but now you have to share it with your favorite siblings. This is what it feels like to share

You try your hardest to pass this year with flying colors but you need to know that if you step out of the phone booth to fly the very people that you want to save are the ones usually standing on your cape

Don't forget to slow down and remember who your family is. No matter what you do in life we will always be here to catch you if you fall

When we were little you never wanted me to play with your friends but I don't think you understood
I just wanted to play with you all the time because you are my idol

I know you are not perfect because nobody is
I just want to follow my dreams just like you did

Staring back at me in the mirror
Dry weary eyes and high cheek bones that pair with a long and narrow head that headbands always despise

Skin and bones
Blood and nerves
Blue eyes and glasses
Brown and curly hair

Scars tell the stories of her past
A rock when she was four
Her grandmother's iron when she was six
The rickety banister
The church pews
The sticky track she was fifteen
Anything can leave a scar
Just some scars are more noticeable than others

But it's not just the scars-it's the calluses and bruises
The birth marks and the wrinkles
Her nails that will never stop peeling
Her calluses from bearing the hopes and dreams upon her shoulders
Her ****** noses from a softball or the cold thin air

When she walks you can see her muscles tensing
You can see the bruises on her shins-they're glaring reminders of her past
Her poise is not perfect but neither is her teeth, hair, face, skin
Its her imperfections that make her perfect

Her way of making people smile when they're down
She always finds something to complain about even though she tries so hard not to
Interruption is part of her daily struggle-inside her brain and out
Her work ethic could be a little better but she scrapes by
Her brothers can tell you she despises being late and she can be a bit bossy
The worry lines on her forehead tell you that she's tossing a question around and around her head trying to look at it in all angles before making up her mind

She also cries and wants someone to tell her she is beautiful over and over again
But when she needs to hear it most, her love might forget to tell her

She is always cautious of this-she doesn't want to give herself to someone who will break all of her hopes and dreams inside her heart in one foul swoop
but she tends to daydream about her wedding

What will her dress look like
Who will her bridesmaids be
Who will  her husband be
Who will she dance with
She knows she can't dance and she wonders what her father daughter dance will be like
Will it be like when she was little dancing on his toes?

College is always on her mind and when it isn't, her parents are always reminding her
Ask your sister about the SAT
Memorize your vocab
Don't forget about the AP U.S. history exam
You have to start now
Make sure you read the history textbook
Work harder
You will have to study new material since your teachers aren't adequate
Your math grade needs to go up
Why aren't you studying?
Why didn't you start this over the weekend?
You need to work if you want to get into a good college

When I look at this girl in the mirror and I slowly realize that she is me
I raise my grubby hand to touch my smooth face to double check

Her throat is tight
She can't speak
She can't breathe

I want to tell her that it will be alright
Your friends will stick with you
You will get into your dream college and you will find a husband and live happily ever after

But I can't see the future

I stare at this girl who loves her friends
Who loves to run so fast she forgets to breathe
Who tries so hard to pay attention in class when all she wants to do is scribble poems in the margins of her notes
Who bites her lip when she does something wrong or gets nervous
Who blushes at all the memories when she's gone against the grian

And I want to tell her that she will turn out alright

But I can't

“Oh, you're a sprinter” they say
“you aren't really a runner”

Long distance people don't understand you see
They don't know what a pulling hamstring feels like
They don't know what running with pure adrenaline feels like
They don't know what not being able to breath while running feels like

You see, we sprinters have it down to a science
Practicing starts before the race is key
Pre race rituals are the law
If we don't warm up enough or warm up too much or forget to stretch one muscle
We could be out for the season

Sign in. Warm up some more

They call my race
I pull off my pants and shake out my legs
Double knot my spikes
Finally, my jacket comes off
I step up to the start and set my blocks

My brain becomes so numb with nervousness, the motions become mechanical
Two foot lengths away from the line, first block
Three foot lengths away from the line, second block
Bring my first block up two clicks
My second up three

“Runners, take your marks.”
Tuck jump
Shake out my legs
I tell myself “Remember: low, and drive”
Because there is too much to think about all at once
I lower myself on my knees
Wipe my hands on my spandex
Double check that my shirt is tucked in, my spikes are tied
Shake out my right leg and place it in the block
Shake out my left leg and place it in the block, toes barely touching the ground
Place my hands as close to the line as possible-about two inches to each side of my shoulders
I look down, check my blocks
Look up, at the finish-I will be there in less than a minute
If all goes as planned
I swing my hair so it's on my left side
Head down, look at my hands
Shoulders parallel with my arms and perpendicular to the ground
Just like practice

“Get set”
My heart is pounding
I can’t hear anything
I slowly raise my hips
It takes less than one second to become perfect
Just like practice

BANG

I shoot out of the blocks
Left arm jerks forward and my right thrashes back
I pull my stride in, getting into perfect form
Just like practice

I tune out all of the screams around me
The voices inside my head telling me to slow down
You're running too fast
You're about to pull a muscle
Give up already

But I keep running because I don't care about the voices in my head or the sprinters beside me
I race against time
An irrevocable substance that will always win

I finish the race, maybe not my best, but I did alright for my first meet in a year.
Finally eyeing my time I let go of the breath I have subconsciously been holding
I ran my best and now my lungs are reminded what it's like to taste air

Long distance runners don’t have to worry about any of this
They just have to make sure their toes aren't touching the line
Theres no science involved
If they warm up too long or not enough, it may cost them a few seconds
Seconds are all we have

Ever wonder why long distance runners are so nice to each other and sprinters aren't?
Because before every race we sprinters are too nervous to talk to one another
Everyone is silently praying that the  person next to them won’t toss their cookies
Then again, maybe its better if they did because I might have a better shot at getting first
After the race, I am too stunned-too out of breath to realize what just happened
Or to talk to the person next to me

Sprinters only have a mere couple of seconds to prove themselves
Long distance runners can take their time
They have at least two laps to prove themselves
Sometimes even sixteen

I don’t realize that I love racing
That I love not being able to breathe
Until I cross that finish line
And then I want to do it all over again