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Maybe I'm a little crazy
Maybe I'm a little sad
Maybe I'm upset
Maybe I'm mad
Maybe I hate myself
And maybe I don't
Maybe I want to hurt myself
And maybe I won't
My own mind scares me
It hold a lot
It hold all of my pain
Every scar I got
Maybe I'm scared
To love again
Scared to be rejected over and over again
Maybe I'm tired
Of being put down
And maybe my poem
Can keep me on the ground
I can't say I hate myself
I don't myself yet
But when I do
I'll hate her too

From what I have become
To what I will be
I have honestly turned into
Not even the person I want to see
I'm tainted and scarred
All are self-inflicted
I need help
Please save me

~vf
Owned by me
 Nov 2013 Tracie Bulkley
Kagami
It isn't real sugar, honey. No one tells the truth anymore;
That was an old fad. Silly people use organic things, tell the truth, pretend to be real.
I can not enjoy the things I once did, but I lie and say I do.
Cherry red and blond like a *****. I am a liar, just like her
A "she-player" will cheat. I just can't think and put on a face that everyone knows.
No one knows the real story, the biography I have yet to write, but
Somehow they know the me that I don't know.
The me who's hands shake and hair used to be short enough to spike.
But I will grow it out. I don't see he reason to keep it
The way it is. Or maybe I will do half and half.
With my long portion hanging over my shoulder and other shaved by my ear;
Sip my coffee and write more poems that won't go far at all.
While others write about their love an prayers I write about being lost. About being real.
About being the only one I hope he will ever love. Ever touch the way he does.
In the dark or in the light, either way it is magic and
The shadows are attempted to that energy. They feed.
Explicit, I know, they like it, dessert for them.
But there are times I would rather just bask in the moment, hear their
Dead and separated stomachs growl, waiting for moans and
Crashing waves to wash up on their feet.
Dark, I know, but it is the way it is.
Hot, I know, and that is how I like it.
But I just ignore them. You are far more important in the experiments I want to conduct.
Sweet and salty: sweat rolling down your neck has never been sexier.
And I wonder... Can you be so excited that it hurts?
See I am not innocent. I have ideas that you will never imagine. But if you do?
I am always hungry for a sugary daydream. How wicked and filthy can you be?

I wonder. Can you feed me? I crave this
Nonstop.
Amazing how the meaning can change and pause in a certain topic...
I will smile
As if you never hurt me

I will laugh
Louder than I ever did when I was with you

I will sleep
Without crying over you

I will see
Different shade that I could never see with you

I will be fearless
No more will I be afraid of having to keep you satisfied

I will be strong
Stronger that I ever was with you

I will cry
But it sure as hell won't be over you

I will cheer
Until my voice can no longer take it

I will be happy
Because I know I'm worth it

I will treasure myself
Because you never did

I will cherish my scars
Because they have made me stronger

But there is one thing I will do for you

I will thank you
Because you are the reason I became the one I am today

~vf
Yup
At seventeen I am almost grown.
Almost old enough to own a home of my own.
Yet, i remain viewed as young, naive.
Told I am too young to know what i believe.
At seventeen the world drowns me in a sea of questions it doesn't want the answers to.
At seventeen everyone thinks they know whats best for me,
"....grow up, be a part of your society."
Don't worry about happiness that's a selfish priority.
"...grow up."
But at seventeen its hard to differentiate between hopes and reality.
It's sad you can do anything you believe,
but i fear it's a lie, we've all been teased.
The proof?
On the streets.
An endless stream of people who've had their dreams seized.
I dread the thought of this stream consuming me.
Me?
Me?
At seventeen I don't know if I am me.
Or just everything that's ever been crammed down my throat into a part of my brain I cant pronounce.
At seventeen I've fallen down a rabbit hole.
The queen of hearts pounding me with every cliche ideal every adult has told me to believe.
The white rabbit screaming to me the time.
17..18..19
I just want to leave.
I am only seventeen.
But if not this rabbit hole where?
Just a new nightmare?
Filled with symbolism I should get.
Things I should know.
Seventeen is plenty of time to grow...
grow up.
But I am only seventeen.
I am only seventeen.
Am only seventeen.
Only seventeen.
Seventeen.
I am seventeen.
At seventeen the world says I am almost grown.
At seventeen I am scared to have a home of my own.
At seventeen I question everything I ever knew.
But remain unchanged.
Remain floating through life without a clue.

— The End —