Through these memories of mine,
Your amazing life is a guideline
Through hardships and lifes grind
Your happiness will always shine
Through this heart in my chest
I will hold you at your best
From the dreams that you chased
To the fears that you faced
You are more beautiful than ever
And will live forever to endeavor
That in this memory of mine.
You were faulted, yet still divine.

I'm tired of being sad
Fed up with being mad
today is the beginning
today is the start
yesterday is gone forever
tomorrow is not today yet
so let the bad go and forget

open your eyes to motivation
destroy the bad and start the good creation
today is the start line
today is what matters
yesterday is a memory
tomorrow is about possibilities
so let your mind free of hostilities

When there is something electric in the touch
a sensation that reverberates throughout your being
warms the soul, mending cracks and wounds
that's when you know it is beyond good and real

when a kiss takes you to the deepest part of who you are
resurrects the child that once played in your heart
takes all of the pleasure you've ever felt and multiplies it
that's when you know you should never let go

when an hour with this person feels like a fleeting moment
you wish you could stretch a glance into an eternity
so that you never have to know what it’s like to miss them
that's is undeniably where you should strive to be

Over a decade you've been there
through happiness, chaos and despair
you i lean on when things go wrong
you push me always to be strong
without that bond i'd be a bigger mess
without that strength i'd never rest
you've been my hold in this crazy life
good and bad aside, you are my wife
as time marches on and we all change
our lives evolve as we do, it's all rearranged
for the rest of the world im almost always hiding
put myself in a dark room with no sliver of lighting
but for you ive brought a torch to see
though i try to blow it out constantly
even then when we sit with no light together
you're hand in mine, a solid tether
a form from shadows comes in to vision
as time goes on im seen with more precision
while i may feel cold, broken and alone
you speak straight to my heart in a calming tone
and i know that you've seen me for who i could be
were the lights turned on, doors unlocked and free
it's because of this thing that you always do
that i will never give up on the bond i have with you
i will always hope that you and i make it
and less and less will i hide myself or fake it
for the years you've given me that i haven't earned
i will become better and give you the same in return
regardless of how it ends im happy to say
because i woke up besides you, it's a wonderful day.

i wake up with thoughts that are one track and on repeat
i'm like a lost puppy with no owner, starving in the heat
i stand up here so very high from the ground
just dying to see you when i look around
but you will never be there when i open my eyes
i will never find you on this earth before it dies
i'm am as lost as any man who ventured past the known
i've fallen off the end of earth with no maps i could be shown
most people say its better to have loved and lost, right
i'd prefer to be blind from birth than to miss the sight of light.
to never hear the beauty of piano, ringing soft and true
the brilliance in your first borns touch, beginning life brand new
i'd rather have went a million years in silence, no pleasure felt for me
than to go one more second, not having US be what we should be.

i have slain my demons with heavenly fire
when my eyes open i awaken to life as desire
i've put down the ways of being a simple child
the feeling of peace is still and grand, yet wild
i have grown as much as any boy can
finally starting to walk the earth as a man
I’ve been burnt by fire and lived in my hell
and because of those scars i've broken my shell
creation is amazing for those who can see
not see with the eyes, but, the soul and how strong you can be
it begins with a seed, a hope or a dream
when watered, fulfilled or chased it will gleam
for you are the one that makes your whole life whole
elevated by strength and resolve you will reach your goal
strength comes for assurance that you are enough
to face life head on and always be tough
if you need a light in the dark or a hand to hold
my grip is strong and my resolve is to bold
i will always be here, that’s just what i do
i will never give up, as long as you don’t give up on you.

So now it hurts,
I knew i had it all.
and in the times of pain
it's my right to break and fall
stupid, opened my heart
idiotic, opened my soul
for things not returned
walk away with a hole

i just want to hate and be free
forget the things done to me
i put up ever stronger walls
reinforced to never let in, never fall

locked up my once alive heart
threw away that melevolent key
its a lonely world out there for some
maybe i like lonely, maybe it's just me

back to the rage, i find my way
deadened nerves are here to play
i find some comfort in my head
drowing pain in deep, deep red


its not healthy, probably bad
but the hell with healthy
i refuse to be sad

so now i stand and walk alone
king of hatred, i take my throne
a seat thats familiar, and one i own
venturing out is bad, this i've been shown
never take a chance on another
never get hurt by a false lover.

What is the feeling I should feel right now?
I wish I had the answer but I don’t know how
What is it that would help me to look like am fine
What mask should I wear with friends when I dine.
Who am I talking to and what do I have that they need?
I’ll give it to them regardless, for me and my greed.
Can’t let them see the ugly that's below the calm surface
If they see It, they will, like others leave me hollow and worthless
I’m not sure it's in me to wake up and do this anymore
but if I stop being who they need, they'll run for the door
but, am I being who they need, or, who I need to be
to make them feel a need to really need me
I’m really not sure and am scared beyond belief
so tired, exhausted, beaten down and need relief
for 33 years I’ve not been seen for me, except this once, very recently
but before that I was hidden from friends, lovers and my family
I realize now, what a waste, that I’ve faked my whole life
I am in a constant state of pain and self-created, destructive strife
I cannot wake up a show the world my false glee
33 years have been enough to drain my battery
I’ve once shown a person the face under the veil
they tossed me aside like trash, sending me to my own hell
even given their atrocity committed so careless and freely
I was alive and seen for once as nothing more than me

so I feel as though I NEED them to be in this moment, right here
losing that connection hurts like hell and brings blinding, consuming fear
so, yes, I am tired and I feel that I can’t do it another day
I have to find something inside to hide me, some other way
I fear I will never be happy and my chances are gone now
I am to ******* old, ready to give up, throw in the towel
but tomorrow ill wake up and for some reason be calm
then realization, I have to fake it, ****, BOOM goes the bomb

hell I don’t want to do this
I don’t want to be so needy
I just want some peace in my mind
The capability to only need me
But when am alone I feel that others will abandon
I fear my life will disappear in a single moment
Nothing but loneliness left to stand in
At least my eyes are open and my visions kind of clear
At least I can admit that I’ve always be driven by my fear
Know why it hurts may be a good detection
Or, easily cause more fear, rejection and dejection
Shakily I’m trying to gain my balance in this world
Hopefully, its right, maybe my mind won’t come unfurled
If I can take a simple balance and then can learn to crawl
Then a walk isn’t impossible, if I can run I’ll have it all.

But I’m no fool to think the path ahead is easy
I will fight will all my might, nothing good is ever free
When the dust around me settles
We will see my true resolve
Either I’m broken worse than before
Or my problems broken, because they’re solved.

Life is hard
Try to be enough
Life still bends
Bend with it, be tough

Chase dreams
Be free
Not just bad
But good, comes in three

Feel every emotion
Yes it brings pain
But "good" is a chance
Take a risk, and gain

Appreciate success
And don't break down
Always be stronger
Be a king, wear your crown