she grip'd my hand
in front of her boy. between the
two there were four kids,
she age'd in at twenty-six and
i never caught his. twenty-nine
he call'd me, and thirty
thrown at crony -
come on man,
just ask for a cigarette.
conversation ensued in air of
reeking oil and acrid smoke,
thankful for the backs of chairs.

and i find myself
barely able to type
of the girl dancing and
teasing me so in that instance
of pure cockhardness
that i am too embarrassed to mention
how i enjoy'd to see her move with such motions.
and i move from her
as i grab another beer
another girl joins in on this
secret intimacy as
you and i joked and laugh'd
and out the door,
not with my whirling dervish of love
but with another man echoing into the night
'just tat Cat-in-Hats over the scars.'

and i write from uninspired
mind bog’d by quips of past.
      the sixth principle is the sixth principle.
reminders of past negligence
and of harm befell.
      nine. no one knows everything.
and i burst with rage over the details.
pointless aggression in haste of thought.
      the second principle is a state of mind
i will not be obvious for there is
no interest in the plain-sighted.
      the fourth principle is the one and only woman.
i am eccentric   -  am weird  -
and my body hums with intensity.
      two. youll never be alone here on Earth.
long gone are the times of hands to air,
phrase having replaced the physical act –
           **** it –
and i have moved on in inconsistency,
expressing to word one-sided memories.
      third. this is important. this is it.

and the little white girls walk in
with their school sweats on,
smilin' all precious innocent like
with hair that never goes awry.

and the dictionary is tellin’ me
words ive been using for years
never really existed, and then
i look’d up existential crisis.

and the cold wind turns tan’d
skin pale as blood recedes to
more important portions of a
body preferenc’d warmer times.

and the words i have to say
i want to erase without a second
notion, but i cannot for fear of
loss of thoughts not yet conceived.

and the knowledge of having been a
mystic misplaced, once recess’d
to a span of  sleeping lives
allow’d to be found incarnate.

“ . . and even if, crazed, he ends up
by losing the understanding of his visions,
at least he has seen them!”
content’d the loss of action to thought.

and i trek'd through the pre-dawn cold
skating along the rail tracks,
to boulder jumping a ravine
                   (where were Japhy's ducks to guide?)
and into a deaden'd grass field.
tapping tip of foot to avoid watery pitfalls
while flanked by rusted railyard
and ****-addled recreational plot;
cat ****'d chemical smell wafts from as
December's north wind fights a toothless perverting force.
the macadame is barren as rainfell desert
and the animals propel by combustion
in effort to scavenge Capitalism's ****
                   predawn
'fore the burliest awaken with hunger.

my eyes ache at the end of a day
and i find myself counting hours –
hours slept, hours awake, but
no memory of the expanse remains,
other than the hours, and hours, and days.
and i smoke another cigarette, smoke
another cigarette, and my eyes
glaze over with a seven-yard stare.
i can see onward for days,
i have been outward for days,
and yet hours, the hours, the days
resemble piecemeal beige walls that
echo my arguments back upon me.
and they close in – but not in that crazy way –
as the carpet buckles under enclosing movement,
and a door’s been left open leading
out to the consumption of souls.
or so the walls have foretold.

ever pressing freedom with
words to follow suit;
simple utensil awaiting its full potential
as strokes find spacings dissevering letters,
leaving fractured symbols intangible.
my blood be shed to fill some well,
to be drawn within a reservoir
and found scrawled in repetition
     blue rose, blue rose, blue rose
and free we are from complexities,
to laze along the banks of Lotus fields
and feast, and quaff, and lull ‘fore
remorse stings at return across Oceans.
as Urania casts colors upon
a sky of fading Sun, awaiting to show
Her mass brilliance of stars. each, a soul
lending guidance since time-beginning –

- - - abrupt ending