One foot forward,
Standing at the waters edge
I take a deep breath
And walk further still
Until finally I cannot walk
I'm suspended in the cold
I don't know whether to look up
To say goodbye to the world I've known
I feel my lungs,
They can't keep this going
And ever so slowly
The waves pull me down
And finally I take a breath
But it doesn't calm my lungs
I'm still left trying to find air
As I'm sinking to the bottom.

{NR}

your heart was always out of reach
and mine was always in your hands
but if you listen closely
you can hear my ribs cracking
to the rhythm of your breathing
your grip tightens 
my heart screams 
you laugh
i beg
you lie
we fight
"do you think I'll cry?" I ask
"you know I'll try" you counter
the sky darkens as you smile
nothing unusual 
i think about when I paced my halls
at three in the morning on a sunday
and how it was just like when 
you pulled me underwater 
and it felt like I was breathing fire 
and suddenly you're talking about
when we first met
in that church parking lot
when it started something
that was anything but holy
and I laugh at the irony
it was better than any poetry
i could ever write 

[holyoak]

It happened so quickly
But I don't know quite when
You started fading from my view
I told myself I loved you
But I knew through it all
That it wasn't quite the truth
I didn't push you away
I didn't feel you pushing me
But what happens when two boats, untouched
Are set alone out to sea?
The waves around them
Push and pull
And they grow apart
No harm was done there
But it happened anyway
And no one could be said
To be at fault

{NR}

Slipping
As a child meant falling
As we were trying to walk
Cutting
In preschool meant using
Scissors on our card stock
Crying
When we were young was
When we lost our favorite toys
Screaming
As a toddler was
For the sake of making noise
Hoping
Way back then was always
A naturally occurring action
Thinking
In out youth wasn't just
For death's distraction.

{NR}

In the shower yesterday
I turned the water up
It burnt my skin, I stayed in
Until the heat wasn't enough

I guess that's how life goes
One day we're hit with pain
And gradually it decreases
But it always stays the same

Slowly, oh so slowly
We're becoming numb
To the hurt that lies within us
Secretly weaving us undone

When we realize we can't feel
We decide to up the dosage
Because is life better empty,
Or when we have a purpose?

We're drowning down and down
Slowly less believing
That all this pain and all this grief
Really has a meaning

{NR}

That last time I saw your eyes,
Their deep hazel, always changing
They were swelling up with tears
you tore away and ran
I lost you in the darkness-
The moon ran away with you
I sat on the steps and
Waited
I waited
Knowing you would come back
Let me apologize
It would all be better
And I waited
I waited
But ten minutes was an hour
That hour turned to five
Suddenly the sun was rising
I was scared
I ran
I hoped that
You were down the street
Simply battling your ego
But you weren't

And that was the last time
I saw your hazel eyes
Because now you're laying there
And they won't let me open them

{NR}