I will smile
As if you never hurt me

I will laugh
Louder than I ever did when I was with you

I will sleep
Without crying over you

I will see
Different shade that I could never see with you

I will be fearless
No more will I be afraid of having to keep you satisfied

I will be strong
Stronger that I ever was with you

I will cry
But it sure as hell won't be over you

I will cheer
Until my voice can no longer take it

I will be happy
Because I know I'm worth it

I will treasure myself
Because you never did

I will cherish my scars
Because they have made me stronger

But there is one thing I will do for you

I will thank you
Because you are the reason I became the one I am today

~vf

I stand here
Frozen in fear
In fear of what you might say
In fear of what you think of me today

I've liked you for a long time
A very very long time
And I have finally told you
But now you don't talk to me
Not anymore
Though we never talked much in the first place
I was far too scared
Far too nervous to speak to you
Now I have
And now you ignore me.

What did I do?
What can I do?

~vf

Maybe I'm a little crazy
Maybe I'm a little sad
Maybe I'm upset
Maybe I'm mad
Maybe I hate myself
And maybe I don't
Maybe I want to hurt myself
And maybe I won't
My own mind scares me
It hold a lot
It hold all of my pain
Every scar I got
Maybe I'm scared
To love again
Scared to be rejected over and over again
Maybe I'm tired
Of being put down
And maybe my poem
Can keep me on the ground
I can't say I hate myself
I don't myself yet
But when I do
I'll hate her too

From what I have become
To what I will be
I have honestly turned into
Not even the person I want to see
I'm tainted and scarred
All are self-inflicted
I need help
Please save me

~vf

Hello? Germaine, you there?
It's been a little over a year since you left us all
I miss you so much
You have no idea how much I miss you
I wish I could have talked to you that night
I wish I had given you more hugs
More smiles
More laughs
I wonder every night why you killed yourself
And I feel so lost
You were the one to hug me, make me laugh, make me smile when I was sad
And now I know you can never come back
It makes me so sad
I wish I had hung out with you more
And I wish I was there for you when you needed me the most
Please forgive me, Germaine.
I love you and miss you.
Hope it's nice up there in heaven.

I hate you
You used me
I trusted you
You fooled me
You played me
I feel so lost
What did I do to deserve this?
I thought you loved me
I really thought you cared
I thought you said you would always be there for me
You are a liar
A backstabber
Why the hell did you even think I was worth saving?
I was alright before you came along, then you ruined me
Your actions are the reasons I have cut myself
The reason I started after ELEVEN long months of being clean
You are the reason I cried myself to sleep at night
I hope you are proud of what you have done
I hope you can see the mess I have become
I hope you realize that what has happened was because of you
You stole my heart withouy any permission
And refused to give it back
You nailed it to a tree, then smiled at me

You damaged me
Abused me
Played me
Fooled me
You left me in the dark
Leaving me to fall apart
I trusted you
I should have known, I wish I knew
You left me out in the rain
To bathe in my sorrow, my pain
But with all this stuff you put me through
You made me stronger, it's true
But no matter how much I try
I sit there and wonder why I cried
Over you, a liar
Until I tired
But now I smile, not trying to hide
All the pain I kept inside
I've grown up a lot since we last talked
I stood on my feet and learned to walk
With my two strong legs, which have grown strong
I wish I could see this all along
My cuts are healed
But my scars are real
But they are my scars from battles I won
I am the one

Everyday I am haunted
By the scars on my hips,
wrist,
stomach,
and thighs.
I hope everyday my parents won't see them.
I'm scared of what others think
I'm scared that I will be sent away again,
Away to a place that filled me with fear,
A place people call, "The Mental House,"

Yes, I did try to **** myself,
but that was long ago
But now I struggle with the razors that call my name
The yearning for the sting of a cut across my scarred skin
The desire to feel like I'm not in a dream.
Everything is so unreal
I never thought it would happen
But it did,
now I'm living with it.

I'm happy to say I am three weeks clean,
But I don't think it will last very long
Life is not easy
and I'm not that strong.