I was scared to see you.
I was scared what you might do.
I know it was hard to see me,
How much you wanted me.
But I needed you, your support,
Your kindness-
I needed a friend.
You were my friend.
You asked to hang out,
I said okay, I had a bad week
And you told me to
Relax and have a drink.
I was hesitant, I was scared.
"Okay, But please, I don't want
Anything to happen.
I don't want to have ***."
You assured me I would be fine.
You promised.
I woke up the next day
And realized you were a
Liar.

Every time I’ve spoken to You,
You’ve never spoken back;
Have I upset You, or
Is it something that I lack?
.
I can’t seem to get through
To You, are bruised knees not
Enough? Head lolled in prayer
I’m completely lost in thought.
.
Are two mothers too taboo
For You to answer what I ask,
Or are You just some drunkard
Taking swigs from a hip flask?

No matter the day,
Always know you have what it
Takes to make it big.

Wake up.
Get up.
Look in the mirror.
Stare.
Dip brush into
Liner.
Line eyes
Accordingly.
Thin to thick.
Thin.
Hate yourself.
Purge yourself.

When I face You,
I will be blunt.
I will not waste time
With a silly rhyme.

When I face You,
I will not blink.
I will not break eye
Contact or sigh.

When I face You.
I will not cry.
I will not ask why;
Instead, I will simply
Say “Thank You.”

We all want to be worth something;
know we won’t become just nothing.
The fear of death is irrelevant,
and in our angst we become petulant
children looking for hope in a sea
of greed and selfish humanity.

It creeps up on you
Slowly and then all
At once, eats away
At your core until
You're left with this
Feeling that you're
No longer whole,
No longer together.
It's there with you
While you lay your
Head down to rest
And there when
You think it's time
To get out of bed
To get to the things
You've always wanted
To do but never
Quite had the time
To do them. It's
Cold and distant,
Chokes you out
As you try to speak
But all you can
Make of your vocals
Is a small voice
Trying to string
Words to make
Some sense just
To feel like you belong.
And it breaks you.
And it hurts.
So you cry until
There's no more
Tears left to cry.