I just want to feel something inside,
I need you to look into my eyes,
I'm so sick of pointless sparks,
I want a flame inside my heart.

Today is the day I forget yesterday's pains
My soul will no longer be bound
Like a weary slave's chains....
Tomorrow is the day I remember today
In high hopes that all my problems
Will have just melted away....
It's complicated really,
But one must see
Each day is meant to be forgotten
So don't be surprised
When I forget who you may be...

Stuck.
You're stuck.
So that must mean I am too.
I don't want to be stuck.
My love for you grows
More and more each day.
But I can never stay stuck.

Stuck.
I was stuck.
Long before I met you.
I didn't want to be stuck then,
And I don't now.
Trapped within a
Disgustingly thick, slimy stuck
I worked my way deep in to find
Nothing but more unruly muck.

Stuck.
I'm only halfway stuck.
But you're all the way stuck.
I'm not going back in.
I'll suffocate again,
Lose myself and become
The demon that attaches to
My weakening soul like
The grotesque parasite it is.
You can stay stuck all you want
But you'll never find me down there
While you wallow around in your
Muddled conceptions of yourself.

Stuck.
Yeah, right.
But I'll be here
At the edge of the muck
Waiting to help you out
When you get unstuck.

A perfect relationship is brought down by a single flaw;
Broken and shattered into pieces that lay upon the floor,
Like puzzle pieces that don't quite fit together anymore.

A flawed relationship stands tall against a single flaw;
Filled with much wisdom only taught by age,
Like a ripped and tattered old book page.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fool believes a perfect relationship is a big deal;
Imperfections are what make a relationship real.

Eggnog,
Holly,
Presents,
Lights,
Cocoa,
Food,
Figurines,
And even
An indoor tree.

Oh yay.
More sweaters.

Oh yay.
More tangible things.

Oh yay.
I'm alone for yet another holiday.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

crash, crash!
Come on, you know
You want to....
Just crash

Everyone has that voice
In their head that's supposed
To give them good advice;
Mine is not like that.

She takes over sometimes
She is my naughty side
She is so vile and snide
She always wants control.

Vicky is her name
And I hope
I never become
Her....

The words that are on my lips
Fall away like water beneath ships;
There is not a soul to give me tips
In this unfamiliar territory of pips.

I cannot utter a single word
To another person I'm like a bird,
Whose cries are far too high to be heard
Thus my insides begin to violently curd.

Under a rug my emotions have been swept
And only on certain nights have I wept,
All of my unruly doubts have leapt
Yet I still appear to be quite unkept....

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Life's a *****,
And so are you.

All day there is
No call
No text
No Facebook chat
No email
No FaceTime
No anything.

I know you said you need time
But do you have to imitate a mime??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11:35 pm
Finally!
A text!
Oh....
You can't talk tonight?

You make my poetry crumble
Like a building set for demolition.
I want to write beautiful things,
But when I gaze upon you
My mind draws a blank.
I don't understand it really;
We are miles away from each other,
Yet you make my legs restless
And my knees as weak as gelatin.
Your icy blue eyes peer into
My soul until I can't help but melt-
I am in too deep for comfort.
I am sinking fast in the quicksand
Of your sweetly smooth words.
I am fighting off my feelings left and right
But nothing will stop you from knocking
Down the walls I have worked so hard to build up.
I want to tell you I love you like you have
Time and time again. But alas I cannot,
Because I don't want to be hurt or worse-
Hurt you.
It's not fair that you pull at my heart strings
Like you do because I have nothing in rebuttal.
Everytime I try my jaw locks up,
My lips seal tightly shut,
And my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth
Like it does when I eat peanut butter too fast.
I try to put my feelings into poetry
But even then the message comes out wrong.
I give up!
I am just a twitterpated poetress
Who's penmanship is less than sub par...

I have come to the conclusion
That all of life is merely an illusion.

Time is nothing more than relative
And love is ridiculously sensitive.

We astonishingly keep in tact
By sudden moments of impact.

These moments, as glee as they may be
Never last for long, especially for me.

They pass by with a shimmer and a wink
And when they're gone I do nothing but drink.

But nothing is sadder as when I am twisted
Because that moment is gone; I missed it.

I do not hate myself though
Because it's impossible to feel low.

When I am high as a kite
Just thinking about tonight.

And how I came to the conclusion
That all of life is merely an illusion.

Happiness is a gift;
Do not let it drift.

For not everyone is able
To feel an emotion so stable.

I am hated.
Have been hated
All of my life.
People sneered,
Laughed,
Whispered,
Frowned,
Glared,
Teased.

Why?

Because I am
Slender.
Because I am
Blonde.
Because I am
Blue eyed.
Because I am
Middle class.
Because I am
White.
Because I am
"Perfect".

But I'm not.
I am no more
Perfect in the eyes
Of this wretched
Society than you
Or anyone else.

Blaming those
Different than
You is cruel,
Even if it is
Out of jealousy.

Jealousy
Ruins,
Breaks,
Destroys.

I have
Never
Said a hurtful
Word towards
Anyone's appearance
Or social status.
Why do so to
Me?

This is the other side
Of oppression.
Of racism.
Of elitism.

Think
Before you
Speak.

My life is not
"Perfect".
Don't bring me
Down
Because you think I'm
Up.

Why hate someone
Because they are what
Society deems
"Acceptable"?

We as a whole
SURPASS
"Acceptable".

There is infinite
Beauty
In each one of our
Differences.

Forget about those
Paper thin
"Models"
Who model nothing
But low self esteem.

It is time to be
Be your own model;
A model for
Generations
To come.

If you take anything
From this
Feverishly construed
Poem, let it be this:

Do not
Assume
One party has it
Easier
Than
You.

A dormant waste land of white
Turns into lush beauty overnight.

Spring itself is given away by the daffodil flowers
Whom have impeccable timing powers.

The momma birds are tweet, tweet, tweeting
And the baby birds are cheep, cheep, cheeping.

And the sunlight,
Oh the sunlight!

Through the leafy canopy I see it shine-
I sit back and smile because this day is all mine.

I can't believe it's finally here,
My favorite season of the year!

I wish we could go back to a simpler time,
When a soda pop only cost a dime.

A gallon of gas was a quarter
So a full tank wouldn't cut your life span shorter.

And when the local crime rate bent
To just below three percent.

It makes me sad to keep in mind
The moral downfall of mankind.

That is why I never watch the news
In the morning as I put on my shoes.

Clothes drenched in cold sweats,
Breath heavy with smog,
Heart pounding in ear drums,
Footsteps growing louder,
Cars whirring by,
Stomach tied into queasy knots...
This is it
The time is now-
While the wounds are still fresh.
Lean against the guard rail
As all bad memories play on repeat;
There is nothing to be saved.
The whispers urge the inevitable....

Clothes dripping from cold sweats,
Lungs blackened from smog,
Heart rate skyrocketing,
Two steps up onto the guard rail,
Passing cars turn a blind eye,
Stomach a flutter...
Goodbye
Release the fingers that hold
Onto the fine line of reality.
The cold wind fools the mind
As adrenaline pumps through the veins;
A perfect instant in time.
It was the best possible way....

Clothes dried by the wind,
Breathe in a new life,
Heart skips a few beats,
No more walking in circles,
Cars slam on brakes,
Stomach finally at peace....
*Hello

As I lay here in my bed,
Clothed in nothing more in an oversized sweater,
I wonder about how things
Could've been
Should've been
And would be.

Oh how I wish for nothing more than
An actual night's rest;
Waking with energy and with bagless under eyes
Just to skip down the stairs singing with the birds
Only to fall down a few steps, but
Laughing all the while.

These are the thoughts that resignate
While I prepare myself for my sleepless slumber.

As far as I'm concerned,
We've all been rooked.
All this mumbo jumbo
About how happy we will be
When we are older is
Total *******.

Happiness is life's biggest sham.
We spend all our lives searching
And when we finally find a tiny bit
It's ruined and the search starts over;
I am so tired of running myself down.

I'm throwing in the towel.
I'm giving up on looking for "happiness"
Because it's like looking for the end of a rainbow,
Which we all know is just a circle in the sky
I refuse to play this game...

But,
If happiness comes to me
Perhaps it will be sweeter
Than if I found it myself...
And so I wait.

Step off a shaky cliff
And let yourself fall
Into the wonderfilled abyss.
Let your worries slide
Out of your weary soul;
Just let the good feelings glide.
All around you see the color wheel
In the form of puffy clouds that stick
Deeper than your skin and away you peel.
Layer by layer you steadily unravel
Mysteries about yourself that scrape
Each other like pieces of gravel.
You let this happen all in one instance
So a spark may form as you
Free fall for an unknown distance.
Your heart is then forced apart
In an explosive and sudden burst
When you back flop onto a giant dart.
The tip pierces through your skull
And shatters the walls of your
Deepest thoughts leaving nothing to mull.
You fall further as hearts pass your eyes
As well as stars and a fuzzy face;
It's clear now as to what caused your demise.
You fell
You have fallen
And you will forever
Fall
In love.

I loathe you...

I loathe you for
Making me
Love you....

I know you are
No good for me.

Or are you?
Ugh!
I'm tired of being
On the fence!

I just loathe you okay?
*(But maybe also love?)

Your **** kisses
Shattered my soul.

Your twisted murmurs of love
Are too passionate to bear.

The puzzle you made has me
Caught in a witty spider's web.

We are meant to co-exist in silence;
Just stare at one another's imperfections.

Your lush eyes of hazel pull me in
As I plunge into your heart.

And when you read this
You will be speechless...

Everything you know can be gone in a flash,
Taken away by a quick and sudden crash.
Unspeakable news can make your insides trash
I wouldn't listen again if you payed me in cash...

Still it's not all completely over
You're still alive
I have to remember that
As I readily pack by bags.

Don't you worry a bit my sweetheart
Just promise to keep a healthy chart
And I'll be there speedily like a dart
I may even bring you a little ****...

Still it's not all completely over
You're still alive
I have to remember that;
I'll be there in three days time.

Your cruel words cut me pretty deep,
But I think you'd like to know
It's no longer your name
I murmur before I fall asleep...

I don't come to our favorite places
Because I miss you.
I come to our favorite places
To remember what my life was like.
I had forgotten how happy I once was;
How happy you made me.
But false happiness is infact
Worse than the greatest sadness.
So as I look out on the silent waves
From the private shore with benches,
I realize I have out grown all those foolish ways;
I have out grown you twice over.
Fret not though,
I will always have fond thoughts of us
But I will always come back to our favorite places
To remember why I left.

Don't you dare think
There isn't one **** minute
I go
Without thinking about
You.

Just because I don't
Initiate a conversation
It doesn't mean
I don't
Care.

In fact
It means that
You
Mean more to me than
Anyone else.

So quit wallowing
In your own self pity
For two seconds
And
Think.

Six
Words
Is
All
You
Need

                                        To
                                        Speak
                                        Your
                                        Mind
                                        And
                                        Peace.

Six
Words
Is
All
You
Need

                                        To
                                        Whisper
                                        Your
                                        Inner
                                        Most
                                        Desire.

Six
Words
Is
All
You
Need

                                        To
                                        Shout
                                        Into
                                        The
                                        Tormented
                                        Sky.

Six
Words
Is
All
You
Need

                                        To
                                        Plunge
                                        Yourself
                                         Into
                                         Complete
                                        Silence.

One of those things in life
you just have to ride and enjoy
in the long run, to me.
Love is one of the few,
if not the only thing in life,
that can be heaven and hell,
all in one.