Sinking deeper into oblivion with each passing day, I never imagined life turning out this way, felt my heart growing cold as i watched you walk away, told me you didn't want to hear anything I had to say, so many happy memories on replay, but the smiles were out numbered by the tears, the hopes replaced by fears, speaking on the love but slurred speech is all she hears, slowly losing myself as a downward spiral nears, who the **** do you turn to when you've been cast out by your peers, when I said I found my future I meant you, but I guess we ended up how we were meant to, but what the **** do you do when everything you love turns against you, how do I find the strength to make it through, honestly I know I can survive without you in my life, but I fear in order to do so each dark day must end with a tripped night, knowing all to well that each trip has the potential of becoming a one way flight, in my darkest hours you were my only source of light, our future gave me the strength to survive the fight, I was ******* crushed when I discovered the love wasn't real, contemplated tripping just so I wouldn't have to feel, wondering if this heart of mine will ever heal, death approaches and offers to make a deal, I close my eyes as he begins to speak,

"please understand that without me your future looks so bleak",

he places a hand on my shoulder and makes my heart leap,

"it seems that the constant abuse and neglect has made you quite unique",

"you are far stronger than you can imagine even though you feel so weak",

I tell him I'm a lost cause as I push his hand from my shoulder,

"I have seen the actions of an addict grow bolder",

"even now I can feel your touch becoming colder",

I'm nothing more than a twenty year old addict with a mind slightly older,

with that he turns and tells me I must go, what was your deal that much I must know,

"it appears that that never really mattered"

a mental boom as the silence was shattered, I look to my left then look to my right, but not a single soul is in sight, then I see a distant flickering light, looking down I see a one way ticket for a fatal flight, is this temptation something I can continue to fight, or is my story nearing its end, I wonder if my heart is to torn to mend, and honestly I know I can't bury another friend, that's why I swore I would never let another person in, the pain can't be felt if it's never given the chance to begin, I rarely speak so just look at these scars if you want to know where I've been, or just read these tragic tales of desperation spilling from this pen, I'm afraid my heart can't survive doing this again, we could have created a life so perfect, a beautiful obituary depending on how it's worded, this monsters demands were so loud but I guess I'm the only one who heard it, I destroyed my heart only so you wouldn't have another chance to hurt it, there's nothing left of the life we built, you destroyed it all and I accepted the guilt, counting petals as dead flowers wilt, vivid pictures of a deranged mind form as this ink is spilt, thoughts of becoming just another faded face, only because I just don't feel like I'm meant for this place, so maybe one day we can meet somewhere without time and space, I just wanted to say to say goodbye just in case..

Wondering about my path in life, wandering through the thick fog of night, approaching a being that is blinding bright, reaching out I can almost feel the light, then it is all snatched away in an instant, now they wonder why my kind stay so distant..

It was a cold february night when our paths first crossed, ever so evident are those scars left by the lives lost, the last seven years spent avoiding those thoughts at any cost, lungs void of air, so much pain I will never share, trip without a single care, look to my side and you will surely see death there, living this kind of life he knows to stay near, life isn't worth living if you know fear, so I shed those thoughts as I reach for the peak, so many grams I refuse to speak, looking over the edge with my only thought being leap, a demented vision of the future has me deprived of sleep, looked upon as a monster because death and insanity is the only company I keep, take a second look and you will see that my flaws run so deep, addicted beyond all belief, trip to avoid the grief, broken promises and shattered dreams litter the path of my past, mental and physical scars from the last, only a few grains of sand left in my lifes hourglass, just waiting on those to pass, you were not my first love but you are surely my last, never knew time could seem so fast, your life will eventually shatter when its made of glass, sadly I know that firsthand, sixteen when I made my first stand, life should have been my only demand, but honestly death is all that was planned, Falling through life not knowing where I will land, this monster watched in pleasure as we said our last goodbyes, tears smudge the ink as my pen cries, nothing more than a hollow being as my soul flies, six for the rise, life is bigger than me and thats words from the wise, only darkness will remain once we sever these ties, its beginning to feel like this is something I can't ignore, so when you see me avoiding eye contact dont ask me what I'm doing it for, no one knows what life has in store, a feeling of emptiness like a lion losing its ability to roar, a caged raven whose only thought is to soar, most of my heart lost during the war, so thats what these grams are for, a ******* monster but good intentions lie at the at the core, but sadly I dont think I can take much more, so please dont cry when I walk through that door, this just means you will no longer know the pain I cause, quietly I whisper I love you then take a brief pause, knowing this addiction has always been one of my biggest flaws, I can hear this beast I've created as it sharpens its claws, one last smile as it begins to devour my soul, I know the last few years have taken their tole, you deserve happiness and I'm sorry I couldn't fill that role, when you said goodbye it left an undeniable hole, so I just tripped and tried to play it cool, I just didn't want you to know death was my only goal, a life without you isn't a life at all, so when I'm gone just add my name to that wall, then watch it crumble and fall, I wanted to tell you this myself but you ignored my call, just know I dont blame you at all, keep your head up smile and stand tall, wipe the tears from your face, maybe one day we can meet somewhere without time and space, but I wanted to say goodbye just in case..

Celestial eyes containing galaxies unseen

Love bliss and everything in between

Stitching a heart together seam by seam

Dull gray eyes reclaiming their gleam

One lost so long ago

But one day soon it will once again show

One day soon they will once again glow

Surely she must see she is the cause

This she must know..

A hand falling just under the side of fair, looking down seeing only a book of matches there, eyes wide shut as it crashes unaware, white knuckles gripping a pen as this ink flashes with flare, no second thought as life clashes with despair, shedding this earthly body leaving my soul bare, in the final moments of our life together I realized what it all meant, nothing left after all that time spent, the tears the suffering begging you to repent, I guess I always knew I was someone you would grow to resent, now I'm just ashes in the breeze, never knowing how it was ended with such ease, I hear them screaming their pleas, but I can't turn back now it's to late, I've never been one to believe in God or fate, never believed our life was predetermined on an earlier date, but maybe we are never really in control, maybe we are all born into a role, now I'm asking myself what that means for my soul, is there more to me than I am capable of seeing, tears fall as the masses begin fleeing, just another lost cause not worth freeing, just know that I loved you with every fiber of my being..

Long before I met you I felt a longing in my heart, I mistakenly called our first meeting the start, the start of something I didn't quite understand, I will never forget the time we shared or the places you touched, but one day I will forget your face, one day I will hear your name and draw a blank.. One day

I've written of the things I've done, about all that time I spent on the run, the fears I have hidden from, and the pain of losing some, but thats only the bad part, you've never heard the story of how love invaded my heart, or how excited I was to play the father figure part, I've explained that tripping was labeled my demise from the start, but have I told you how amazing it once was, back when it was pure self exploration and not just for the buzz, about the nights when I looked down on the world from outer space, with a giant grin on my face, feeling like I had finally found my place, I know the rain comes after the sun, the second comes after the one, a ******* animal after the **** I've done, but a tiny light will always be brighter than any night, and if its true love then its worth the fight, a meaningful smile means it must feel right, always remember that you can pass during any night, so live every second in flight, journey through the stars, live beyond the scars, take that trip to mars, if it makes you truly happy you need no justification, death is forever life is just a vacation..