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363 · Mar 2014
Listen
Tommy Mar 2014
Listen.
To the echoes
Bouncing off the red walls
Of this dark cave
Pulsating and dripping
A deep, muddy red.
This is not mine.

And just as she
So flawed in her human skin
Was so loved by he
Superior in his very essence
So might I love you
And so might I give life
To generations
Who are not my own.

I did not ask for this
But this burden I am given
And so it is my fate
To deliver me from hell
I am not my own person
A part of me is shared with you all
I am not real.

I will wait until you listen
Until you understand
The vibrations
Within this solemn cage
Of flesh and blood
And the beat of the drum
We all feel inside.
We are one,
Currently divided.

Listen.
I don't know if you caught it but the 2nd stanza is in reference to hera :)
363 · May 2014
Quotes
Tommy May 2014
I wrote a poem for you,
It's actually one of many,
But this one,
I wrote it on the back of one of those quotes
The ones I kept on my wall?
I don't know if you remember
That half of them fell off,
And I haven't had the time
To put them back up,
I'm leaving soon anyway.
I wasn't paying attention
To the paper it was written on,
I was just looking for anything at that point,
But I turned it over before,
And I realised
The song it's from is not about love,
But there are snippets that could be,
And that have always meant so much to me,
And I know it's a coincidence,
But I find it tragically beautiful
That it landed on
"I will be with him wherever he goes"
Because I don't want to let you go
Not yet,
And that's not romantic,
Since it's not reciprocated.
The quote is from Do You Love an Apple, an incredibly twisted, brilliant Irish folk song, though I always associated it with happiness as it was what my parents would sing to my brother and me when we were younger, as a love song (the first verse could be romantic :P)
357 · Mar 2014
Sunshine
Tommy Mar 2014
If your eyes
Do not look to the sun,
Then I wonder where it is
They look
To view the beauty of this world.

As I look around me,
All I see is poverty,
Cowering next to immense greed,
People begging
At the feet of those who have far more than they could ever need,
And yet still refuse to share it.
I see the people walking past,
Blind to the injustice of what is happening,
And ignorant to the extent to which they are controlled.

And even still, I see the grey shadows all around me,
Clouding my own view,
Blocking me from the world through which I travel.
And so I wonder,
How can you know beauty
If you've never even seen the sun?
356 · Mar 2014
Patches
Tommy Mar 2014
I don't know how you've done it,
But I'm hanging off your every word,
I'm waiting on edge for your reply,
And there's a small part of me
That isn't convinced
When I say it's okay that you'll call tomorrow.

I'm not usually clingy,
And I've never felt like this,
And while I'm over the moon
When you kiss my lips soft,
I have also never been this nervous.

You've done the damage now,
How I wish we lived closer,
So you could start patching it up.
356 · Nov 2014
Home
Tommy Nov 2014
I wish I was asleep among the stars
Back in the best home I knew
And that cloud above my head
A thick, grey ball that floated above my head
Would once again pull me into its deep embrace
Enveloping my dreams like a cotton wool,
A gentle protector from the night
And a happy reminder
That I belonged.
That room has since been painted over
353 · Nov 2015
Crystal
Tommy Nov 2015
Encase me in a casket made of crystal
And throw it overboard
Sinking down in the depths of that deep deep blue

Wait as my body sinks further and further
The cracks begin to show
As the pressure gets the better of my hard shell

Keep looking for me as the bubbles rise to the top
Knowing that there's nothing you can do
I'm still hoping I'll float

The waves are flooding into this crystal box
As the walls fall away at my sides
Don't leave me here alone, struggling against the current
i don't know if i can keep going
349 · Nov 2015
Red
Tommy Nov 2015
Red
Dark as a winter's night
While pale light reflects
Your skin glowing
The heat of your body
Red, like an aura
About your Self
Keeping me safe.
348 · Mar 2014
Space
Tommy Mar 2014
I looked into your eyes
And it felt as though they were
A direct window
Into space, and the galaxies
And the constellations
Unfolded before my very eyes,
Each star the twinkling
Like the little lights
That hang from my walls.

And as I looked deeper,
All of a sudden,
I realised that if my world were to fall apart around me,
It would be alright
Because I could still come home
And look at you
And there would be endless worlds
I could fall into.
i am completely smitten
347 · Nov 2015
Close
Tommy Nov 2015
Slim fingers
Running through silken strands of bronze
Gentle
Careful
Loving
Light dancing
To the gravel tone
Of your soft voice
Moving this way and that
As my heart beats
Like the flicker of candlelight

Dreams of lazy sundays
Warm in my nest of cotton
Close
Steady mind
Alive
Present in the moment
Safe, as though this were my home
Soft lips
Light breathing
Like feathers tickling my skin

You lay
Heavy like the weight of my heart
Still
Smiling
Tranquil
As I sink lower into these clouds
Lower, lower, back to Earth
Reality drops
As I breathe out
written while the album Trouble by Ray Lamontagne played in the background...
344 · Mar 2017
Cityscapes
Tommy Mar 2017
The buildings rise high in the distance
A different vantage point from
The night of the wolf howl
He'd held me close
And told me he didn't want to put me down
As our cries rose above the city scape
Our laughter lost to the biting winter air.

Tonight I watch from a pathway
On my way home I am alone
Limping, not from what you've done
I can't figure out how I feel.
Last time this was a dream
A nightmare, I groaned and shuddered
Until the snow cooled my fevered brow.

Now I feel different
The cold doesn't bite me but the thoughts of you have sharp teeth
Thoughts of her words when she sees me grind my flesh
She can't see me like this
Even if I'm not in a way
I don't understand what this is
But I know how to give you my all.
I wonder why you don't respond?

I do not want your love
Nothing so foolish as your heart or mine
I got what I came for
Or not, that's up for question
But you leave me undignified
Even as I stand tall
Even though we both know what this is
Is this inevitable?
why did i let me use myself like this
340 · May 2014
Untitled
Tommy May 2014
i don't know whether to hate you or not
you did the right thing,
though it broke my heart
but was it naive of me to genuinely believe
you might still want to be my friend?
i do try talking to you,
but it's hard to keep up the conversations
and this time,
i want to be the one in control
after having lost it for such a long time.

i know you're not really okay
but unfortunately my dear,
i can't change that for you
and no one but yourself can get you to
make that all important move.

i know you're doing what's best for you
and, in the long run,
probably me too,
but it still hurts when you ignore me
with such frequency
for such lengths of time,
when it's still fresh in my head
a time i could hardly go a day
without your contact.

i'm not asking to have you back,
nor is that something i would really want,
i don't think,
but if you could just help me out,
would you rather i hated you and we never spoke,
or can you find it in you to talk to me back,
like you promised you would?
think on that, would you please? and get back to me ASAP dear, i have other things to think about too.

i can't think of a title?
334 · Nov 2014
Untitled
Tommy Nov 2014
Close your eyes
Shut your mouth
Open your mind
And restart your heart.
Breathe.
Live this moment for a century
before you move onto the next one.
Treasure it.
Feel each pulse of your heart
like a beat of thunder through the sky
Feel it resonate
down the spines
of all who surround you.
Feel your presence:
Absolute.
Now let the silence envelop you once more.
We are all small
But we are all here
And before long we will all be gone,
Bar the marks and scars we left upon this world.
Life is short but it's the longest thing I'll ever experience. It's okay to slow down, but I must never forget to appreciate the beauty and wonder of it all (if I could only find the right people to share it with, I'm sick of this lonliness)
331 · Apr 2015
Untitled
Tommy Apr 2015
i came from the sea
reflected by the moon
and as the waves broke around me
i heard a solemn tune

the water fell around me
making circles around my immersed head
the light shone through like glitter
as my heart dragged me down like lead

the sand beneath my feet was soft
making mountains between my toes
the seaweed stroked my saturated skin
and as she sang her song i rose

pulled like the tide towards her voice
she coaxed me, ever nearer
and as the final drips slipped from my feet
the song, it only became clearer

she sang a song of sorrow
while my heart it turned and twisted
her voice it grew in volume
and my ears could not resist it

i've been stripped of all i'm worth
as i stand here, alone and naked
and my heart still cries and mourns
though the song has long since faded
hate the ending on this one too
327 · Feb 2017
A Hopeless Romantic
Tommy Feb 2017
The sky outside is lilac and purple
The clouds hang like smoke outside my window
The draft which finds its way in sends slithers of air through
Drip feeding my lungs
Leaving me wanting

I bought you a gift
It was only small, something sweet
It might last long enough to sugar up some of the bitter days
I don't have paper to wrap
So I wrapped it in my favourite scarf
I don't want it back

I wrote three pages in my diary
Of all the things I haven't been able to tell you
When I think about it my lungs contract
My heart stops and starts
I don't want you to know that I'm in pain
I just want to say sorry

The sun has disappeared now
The purple has sunk into a rich velvet
The clouds cling like strands of cotton
And I am enveloped in the magnificence of the earth around me
If only I could have told you
We could have marvelled at it together.
i didn't mean to hurt you
323 · May 2014
Forever
Tommy May 2014
She asked me
If we would ever get back together
And I'm not going to lie,
I still dream of your kisses,
Your lips against mine,
Of lying in your arms
Feeling your chest drag
Heavily up and down
My heart beat in time with yours,
But I don't think I could.

I know you're right
When you say it was getting too much,
A week every couple of months
Isn't enough for either of us,
And soon I'll be at the other end of the country,
Maybe even the world
And it would only get harder.

But those weeks,
Sporadic as they were,
Felt as though they could make everything right
That even if forever isn't real,
We could last a **** long time.

Maybe I was mistaken,
And maybe it's naive
To think I could give this another chance.
316 · Sep 2015
Plea Bargain
Tommy Sep 2015
I can't help thinking
Back to when we were something
All those years ago.
I should still be angry
But my heart feels sad
And my brain made a pathway to you.

I don't know if you remember too
When, as a young sixteen year old
I asked something of you.
The clause was played out as a hypothetical;
I was prepared for us not to last
Though it still hurt when you finally did let me down.

It was a small thing I asked of you;
As a child still, everything seemed so big,
It still does.
I am ready, I am where I want to be,
But I do feel a bit lonely
So let me ask again...

I know we messed around a lot
And you said things I don't want to forgive
It was intense, almost too much.
But it was solace
It was comfort
So please, would you come see me?
(Just for a weekend)

(I know it's a bad idea, sorry)
311 · Nov 2017
Fiery Sunset
Tommy Nov 2017
Orange clouds,
Behind them a blue sky
As the sun sets below us
The bell tower rings twice

As the town gathers their belongings
And sets off now to bed
I'll stay up many hours more
The wicked need no rest

The steeps of the buildings
Loom silent above my hood
A long cape trailing behind me,
I tip-toe away, fingers dripping in blood

I didn't mean to do so much wrong,
I didn't want no harm or damage
They were just a few small rocks,
Placed before her horse drawn carriage

She didn't deserve such a tragic end,
She lived her life so much better than I
And yet still she crossed my path
And mine were the only eyes to watch her die

Red clouds,
Behind them the sky turns purple
I'll never return home again
Every step another towards that looming inferno
304 · Feb 2014
That Kind of Thing
Tommy Feb 2014
I was always too young to understand what was actually going on in your head,
Though I don't think even you knew completely.
You wouldn't tell us about it though;
We were children,
Too naive,
You didn't want us thinking about that kind of thing anyway.
The closest I got to understanding,
Was the time you cried,
The only time I had ever seen you crack.
She wasn't there to help us out,
So we sat with you,
We cuddled,
And I handed you some tissues,
But you didn't explain.
We were too young to understand that kind of thing anyway.
There's always been a part of me that thought I was your favourite.
I was always your little princess,
I could get away with anything.
But I think my stubbornness as a child scared you a little,
I hadn't mean to make you upset that time,
But she was much easier to entertain,
And easier to get along with.
I think you interpreted that as her being my favourite.
And though I've grown out of that stubbornness,
I think you still think the same thing;
You've not got enough confidence to understand this kind of thing anyway.
When I said goodbye the other day,
Though I don't think you saw it,
I was on the verge of tears.
Sometimes I worry you don't quite realise how much you mean to me,
That I don't have favourites,
And those worries make it so much harder to leave.
I don't speak about it with you often,
It would be a strange conversation for me to have,
But if you knew how much I spoke about you to everyone,
If you knew how highly I thought of you as a person,
Not just as my father,
I think it would help you come round.
But we're not around each other enough for that to happen,
And I think there's a part of you that's still too stuck in your head to understand that kind of thing anyway.
300 · Apr 2014
Sun
Tommy Apr 2014
Sun
Your eyes shine brighter than the sun
And try as I might,
I can't look away.
I will go blind
If it means I get one more glance,
One more look
At your beauty and splendor.
I just want to qualify that's not actually true :P
297 · Feb 2016
Summer
Tommy Feb 2016
That I could listen to your melodic voice once more
Hear the gentle breeze of summer Ease your words from your mouth
And watch them lift the world around
Like the greenest leaves which have fallen from their trees
Watch your eyes glisten in the midday sun
Admiring the beauty of your work
This world is a lighter place for your brain
It is easier to glance upon
And see the
Truth in its existence
I would compare you to a summer's day
But I am only too sure
That it was your creation.
292 · May 2018
"Grey Areas"
Tommy May 2018
how many words are too many
to describe the wrongs inflicted on my body?

all it took from my mouth
was just one utterance
to tell you it was wrong

your election to ignore
left the words trapped in my mind
too many more have since
denied me my voice

how many words
are too many
for me to explain
that if they don't leave my brain
i might collapse under their weight?
I was brought up to protect my body. I thought my words could be my armour
i have since learnt my body is a battlefield, and words aren't enough to protect me
289 · Apr 2014
Untitled
Tommy Apr 2014
If I stay silent
Maybe if I just don't open my mouth
The screams and the cries
Won't find their way out

I am scared that if I begin to say
What's really going on in my head
The demons will force themselves
From my stomach out into my world
Where I can see them

I don't know how to explain to you
That I feel as though my insides are crumbling
And my brain is shutting down
While they take control

I want you to help me stop them
But I can't open my mouth
If they find a way out
They become real
And I don't think I'm ready for that
284 · Nov 2014
Untitled
Tommy Nov 2014
I'm too naive for this.
I let myself fall once more into your arms
I let your lips graze mine
And I let you whisper those sweet nothings to me
As we lay in the dark
My stomach churning.

Don't you ever pull me into your arms again.
I let you do it that one night
Drunk, lonely and sad,
But your even drunker self the next night
Seemed to misunderstand the lack in continuity.
I never want to walk you home again.

I will never let myself into your grasp again,
As far as I can control
But calling me to your bedroom
On false pretenses
Even if "For the sake of your roommate"
Was not fair,
And I did not share in your laughter.

I will never miss your hold again
As your sober hands found their way across my body
I stopped them
And I tried to remind you of that all important word
A hint that went unnoticed.
That, dear friend, was unforgivable.

Tell me you love me one more time
And I won't be polite anymore.
All those conversations
And you still couldn't fathom
The dual nature of our situation
I DON'T WANT THIS
I hope I make myself clear.

Someone once told me 'stay in contact with your exes'.
To an impressionable, idealistic fifteen year old
And though an innocent observation,
I don't think as a middle-aged man
His experiences in romance would be comparable
To those of a naive, inexperienced, insecure young woman.
I like the sentiment,
But I don't know if it would really be wise,
Given what's already happened.
I know it wasn't your fault, I was confused too, but as the older, more experienced of the two, I was hoping you wouldn't have been thinking quite so self-centered as you were.
282 · May 2014
Empty Spaces
Tommy May 2014
When I said I didn't need the idea of you,
Well, maybe I was wrong,
I'm not sure anymore
On either account
Because either way, you're gone.

They've told me we can still be friends,
I don't know how many times you've said it,
But right now I don't know if I can.
My heart still drops to the floor at the sound of your name
And my stomach spins when I realise you're no longer mine.

I wanted to make sure you didn't think I hate you,
Because it's the direct opposite of that,
But it felt like everything was normal
Until you said goodbye,
And then a second wave of hurt knocked me back
And I almost let myself get swept away.

I don't know if it's you I need,
Or the idea of you,
Because now all of a sudden,
Everything feels a lot scarier,
And all of the changes feel so big
That they could overwhelm me completely,
Swallowing me up,
Reducing me to a speck of dust.

This is all too much for me,
And though I'm not alone,
You've left a space in my life
I don't think anyone else can fill,
Which begs the question,
Is it really you I need,
Or did I just like the idea of you?
259 · Jan 2018
Stay a Little Longer
Tommy Jan 2018
A fire rises from behind that hill on the horizon,
The trees silhouetted in front of the roaring light
As the the tide creeps closer and closer
Bringing a cool blue across the land
A clash of forces battling fiercely
All on her front doorstep.

No wonder she's so stubborn,
Learnt her ways from the dramatics of nature
In the house we all call home
Married into a clan of warriors, and born of the same stock
Her life has been a dance through the land of time
Nothing stays the same.

As the shadows of the sunset climb their way
Across the hillsides and down below the grass
The trees remain illuminated, glowing orange
Their empty branches reach towards the light
         and catch it at their fingertips
Stealing it away for themselves, sending pockets of steam billowing above our heads
She said she might not come back next year

With gravel in our mouths we said our goodbyes
Held on just that moment longer
A lingering panic in the air - she might be a woman of her word-
But her army are rallying at her sides
Ready to fight her battles alongside her
A shimmer of hope gleams softly at the edge of the room
(refracting through the water bottles in the corner)

Stay a little longer
254 · May 2014
No. 5
Tommy May 2014
I don't know what hurts more
That what's been done has been done
Or that I know it hurt you too,
Although a small, selfish part of me does hope
That it did.

I heard that creak in your voice,
And though you didn't stumble
Over any of your words,
I heard your voice change pitch,
Your words squeezing their way
Over that lump in your throat.

I hope you didn't hear me break,
I didn't give you much of a chance to,
But it seemed a bit too loud to me,
When I felt my stomach rupture
As my heart crashed down through my rib cage
Landing with a thud at my feet
Having fallen all the way from the top of my throat
To where it had leapt at the sound of the words
"I don't know if I can do this anymore".

It hurts to know that it's still there,
That a part of you was reluctant to do it,
Though I know it couldn't have lasted much longer anyway,
We were too far apart,
And you were locking yourself in your own head.
So, I guess,
I hope you find a way out.
i know i'm milking this but i might as well! :P
251 · Mar 2014
Lonely
Tommy Mar 2014
It's not that I specifically needed you
To end the loneliness
There were so many days I was fine

It's that I needed more time:
I like to be on my own
And sometimes it all just gets too much
To be with someone all of the time

But take away the time I had
To balance it out
And everything goes out of whack
So that night when you hung up
It hit me
Like a brick in the face
That you weren't really there
And I would have to sleep in
My empty bed
With shadows as company.

I don't need the idea of you,
I can get along just fine
But now that I have you
I need you more than ever.
237 · May 2014
Sweet Dreams
Tommy May 2014
I've been dreaming about you,
Your warm beauty emanating
Like the glow of a new star,
Your smile lighting my nights
And your sweet voice lulling me deeper
Into your realm of dreams.

You remain nameless,
I don't want to ruin the illusion
And no word I can think of
Quite describes you,
No name is beautiful enough
To be yours.

I do hope I meet you one day,
Outside of the dream realm,
So I can feel the satin touch
Of your light fingers across my skin,
Share the song that is your voice
And your heart finding its way out
Of the cage in which it is enclosed.

I will know you then by name,
A name I will only have to hear once
Before I fall madly, deeply and passionately
In love with everything about you.
So please, my guardian angel,
Find a way to merge our realms
I am sick of waiting
For the release of sleep
To see your face.
235 · May 2014
Untitled
Tommy May 2014
What's one more drop
In the ocean
Of a water so salty
It leaves tracks on the skin
And renders it
Weak and painful

And what's one more run
Of your tongue
Across your dry lips
Before you feel the skin crack
And the taste of blood
Covers your tongue

And what's one more look
Across the room
To the gap left by your absence
And you feel your heart shudder
And your stomach drop
As a jolting pain
Fills you up
Will you find a way out?
the first stanza was inspired by this poem:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/708829/no-boundaries/
thanks for the inspiration!
Tommy May 2018
I don’t believe it that the man made of cheese lives on the moon. Last night he crept into my bed, demanding sausages. “*******”, I said, but he wouldn’t leave. He sat, for the rest of the night, on the edge of my bed. A a pair of glowing binoculars in his sweaty fingers, he stared up at the moon. He does want to go there. He says it must be where he’s from. “There’s no food on the moon.”, I told him, my voice heavy with sleep. He began to cry. I told him to go back to his own bed.

2. I asked the King for permission to leave my bed. He told me “No.”, firmly, so I stayed put. My eyes grew heavy once more, under his spell, and I was back in the grasps of the shadows. They reach through my window in the night, they pull past my curtains and seep slowly into my lungs as I breathe. The King rules the world of the night. I merely beg permission to lay my head to rest. At his feet. I’m not sure this is where I belong, but I can’t sleep any other way.

3. I lost my fairy wings in a duel with a raven. Taken in by the electric silk of his feathers, I fell into an oil well. My fingers coated, I lost my grip. As my heart beat picked up, panic rising through my oesophagus, I gulped down the thick molten lies. Glinting in the sun, I thought it melted gold. Now I have lost my voice, I realise I was just a fool. I have forgotten how to breathe. The raven’s claws pierced through my skin and as my blood merged with the oil, I forgot where I ended and this pain began.

4. I rode on the back of a brown bear. I was cradled in the warm fur during the cold nights, and the strong claws never once broke my skin. I felt safe. I told the bear “I have something I need to do” and I tried to leave, just for a few days. The bear grabbed my hair and tore me back. I pleaded for my freedom, and the bear began to wail. Am I indebted to him? Do I owe him my life now that he saved it? Maybe I should return there, to those dark depths once more. At least then he’d know I wasn’t going anywhere.

5. The man made of cheese sits at the end of my bed, again. In his hands are a plate of greasy sausages, bursting with fat. I ask if he wants vegetables, and in between scoffs he sends chunks of cooked meat flying across my clean sheets. I wish he’d listen to me. I told him I didn’t want him here, and yet, here he sits. If I still had my wings, maybe I could fly far from this kingdom of ether. The spirits are up my nose, working their fumes into my brain.

6. The man made of cheese sits, drawing up blue-prints for a catapult. I lie half-awake, waiting to fall into that deep hypnosis. Waiting until I’m cushioned by the suffocating darkness of the night, the only place where I can dream of the real world. If only I could remember how it was that I arrived in this ulterior universe. Send me down another rabbit hole. Maybe I’ll find peace down there.
Tommy Nov 2017
Today I felt sad at 5am
I wanted to tell you
The birds were beginning to shout
And the rising temperature of the sky
Matched that of my blood
As I felt myself cooking, stewing,
Gazing at the endless galaxies out there
Now invisible in this light trap.

Condensation dripped down the inside of the window,
From my nose pressed against the cold glass
But I made sure the sigh I exhaled didn't disturb the contents of this tiny box-
The door says 'do not disturb'
- And then I held my breath
Until the dust had once again settled,
A little thicker than before.

I tried to make myself dream
I thought up an expansive meadow,
Sat just at the top of a cliff
The grass greener than anything else
The sun dancing gently atop the wildflowers
And I imagined taking your hand-
running, screaming, laughing-
I imagined happier reasons
For my uncontrollable heartbeat, my rapid breaths, the clammy sweat,
Despite the fact that I'm actually shivering, swaddled tight under two heavy blankets.

I buried my face in the cushions
And turned on a light to ward off the dark
I put on headphones to mask the silence and the pounding screams
Of the tiny birds keeping residence outside my window.
If I had my own way I'd drown them out with my own song
The pounding of my dancing heels
Keeping time with the waves in my head
To fill this empty room

I wanted to tell you
But right now, you're somewhere else
Asleep as you should be
I tried to curl tighter
To ward off each stab of a high-pitched whistle
I made mental notes of songs I could sing you
Once I've escaped these walls.

Until then, tell those warblers to go taunt somebody else.
and in the meantime I'm just going to have to trust that I'll end up back in your arms, your beating heart a shield to the arrows which pierce mine upon each beat

— The End —