The night time is my forte,
The daylight is my night,
And as the sun sets over the horizon,
My mind begins its flight
Through the vortex of a lifetime,
And what I want to be,
My weirdest dreams, my nightmares,
My thoughts and memories
All fill my brain with reasons,
Not to lay to rest
As I begin my battle,
My epic journey,  my quest
To find the golden treasure
Hidden deep within the maze
Until I'm in a stupor,
An exhaustion brought on craze
All I want is to close my eyes,
Lie back and let the darkness do its work
But my brain just keeps on whirring
All cogs spinning like clockwork
Just let me have my final breath
Let me embrace the moon
In a long sought out reunion
With the bed inside my room.

sometimes i wonder
is this all we could have been?
this mundane little bubble
and all that lies therein?

all there is to do,
all the places we are needed
all the problems we have caused
and the progressions we've impeded

soothed by the exchange of a small piece of paper
for useless items we're told we need
to fit into an image of a generic person
complicit in a culture we immortalize and breed

or others by their own conviction
in a set of rules older than this
to tell them how to make decisions
and promise them eternal bliss

each taught not to question preachings
or face some form of indefinite sanction
to remain obedient to a master
legitimizing the subsequent action

i don't understand.

how can this be the epitome of civilisation
so full of ignorance and hatred
we fail to see the beauty that surrounds?

how can this be the epitome of human intelligence
that we need glass screens for communication
and lenses to record our every movement?

how can this be the epitome of the human existence
that inequality is perpetuated
and poverty ignored?

one day you will realise what it is you have done
in your desperate bid for power.
you doomed the endurance of your kind
for the sake of one, tall tower.

It happened today, and I didn't say a word.
Not one word
To you,
Nor to anyone else that mattered.
You can be angry with me for that, I completely understand.
But I can't empathize, I can't.

I don't believe there's a God.
Personally, I struggle to see how one could be so cruel.
But since you do,
Since she did,
I hope He thought of her.
He would have known her better than I anyhow.

I'm so sorry.
I just don't know how to be there for you.
I wish I did.
And I hope someone's taking my place.
I'm not going to tell you to get through this,
But I really hope you can find a way.
I'm so sorry for your loss,
Really, I am.

It's not as if I've never seen you cry before
I have, so many times.
And though each time I felt sad,
This time it hurt.
You were always the strong one,
The one who didn't think, just did.
I guess I just had you up on this pedestal.
But the knowledge that you're scared,
That you're struggling,
It terrifies me to the core.
I needed to see you do it with ease,
As you've done everything else life has thrown
I needed to see you loving it:
This newfound, independent life.
Because then, I at least had a chance.
If it scares you,
What am I going to do?
How will I be able to cope?
And every day it gets a little bit closer
Every day I get a little bit more scared.
It's a part of life,  I know.
I'm going to have to do it someday, I know.
It'll be good for me, I know.
But am I ready?
I'm not so sure.

I hate it when you lie to me,
I know that none of it's true.
I hate it when you cry with me,
And let your heart pour out of you.
I hate it how my soul feels free
Whenever you're around,
I hate that when we're together,
My heart is finally found.

And still you go on hurting me
As I beg you, please, just stop
You lie, complain, you twist me up,
While your beautiful brain just rots.
You let it stop you thinking,
Your heart takes full control.
Your body slowly falls away
Leaving vulnerable your soul.

I hate that you still need me
To protect you in the night.
I hate that I'm your angel,
Your harbinger of the light.
And I wish that it was me,
You had to look forward to,
But every time you look my way,
Your sight passes me right through.

So please, just let me escape from this,
Let me take my flight,
I don't want to be your strength anymore,
To be the dawn before the light,
I want you to do this on your own,
To let the darkness fade away,
I want you to leave me, happy again,
To leave me to the fray.

And there I'll burn, I'll turn to dust,
My life will be forgot,
No one will ever know my name,
Of my plight, you will know not.
From here I'll leave you,
On your own,
I know you'll struggle through.
You'll find the light soon now, my love,
And I will never come back to you.

Blue  is a horrible and lovely colour all at once,
Deep as the sea, while light as the morning sky,

Luminous and bright,
Yet mysterious and cold.

Now I understand why you had it at the entrance to your house.

I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you in your time of need
-Scratch that: I haven't been there for you.
I'm sorry I never came through on our plans to see each other.
I'm sorry I never call you up.
I'm sorry I never ask how you are,
How you all are.

I hope you know that it doesn't mean I don't care.
I wanted to be there
- I still want to be there.
But I'm not sure how.
I don't know her,
I may never know her, now.
And I want you to know that I'm ashamed to say that.

I'm sorry I didn't make the effort.

You smell old, though you're not yet loved,
Your pages blank and perfect,
Longing for someone to touch you, caress you, want you.
You've been forgotten about,
Thrown in a pile with the rest of the unlovables.

But you're different.
You're not unlovable, not entirely forgotten.
Maybe she's just not used to this.
Has she ever shared her true feelings?
Scribbled down her innermost secrets for you to keep safe?
You dream that one day she will trust you,
But is that ever going to happen?
Is it all in vain, spending your days hung up on an unrequited love?
Maybe.

She picks you up once more,  and you will her not to let you fall.
You feel her stroke your unblemished paper, smooth to the touch.
You feel her write something down, but it's not what you want to hear.  
It's shallow, fake.
It's not a lie, but it's not everything you wish she'd tell you,
It's not everything she has to say.

She'll probably just forget you, you tell yourself, as you begin to resign to the idea.
Or maybe she's struggling too,
Maybe she wants to love you,
Maybe she wants you to be hers.
Maybe she wants you to know what's going on,
Inside the deepest caves inside her head,
Inside her heart.
But she doesn't.  

She puts you down,
And walks away,
Leaving you behind,
Forgotten.

You once told me
That life was beautiful
That progression was beautiful,
That I was beautiful

But that wasn't true,
I know it now,
You couldn't have done,
Though I still don't know how,
Or why
You chose to hide it from me,
But what's done is done
Even if it ran deep
Though the rip in my heart
That was already there,
Just one quiet sentence
And one loud tear
Of muscle

I thought I was strong,
I could hold it out,
And there's no use in crying,
Or a scream and a shout
Because you don't want to see me
It's all about her,
You thought it would be easy,
And it wasn't.
For either of us.

Was it beautiful for you?
That simple progression?
Is life as beautiful as you once mentioned?
Or is it different now,
Not better nor worse,
Is it what you wanted, what you rehearsed?
Or did you just not think at all?

Golden eyes
In a flash of red
A solemn growl
And a lover dead

A beating heart
Lying on the ground
A love once thought lost,
Once again found

A cry of mercy
In the midst of the night
A howl of a wolf
Of the highest might

Then silence, it comes,
Encompassing the land
A sorrow so heart breaking
Too hard to withstand.

And now the feeling won’t go,
Won’t leave me alone
The idea’s there
The seeds have been sewn

But you’ll never come back
To this life we once cherished
All that we had
Has died and has perished.

You talk about this stuff as if you read it in a book, yet you know not how it truly works.
You know not of the havoc it could wreak, or of the consequences which would occur.
Your innocent mind, so high in the sky, could bring our world to the ground
All down to this new information you suddenly seem to have found.

So please my darling, heed my advice.
I don’t want our world to fall apart
I want you to stay just as you are
Just as you were at the start

I do worry dear child, how you understand it not, yet how you seem so completely unafraid
Of the power you hold in your small, childish mind, a power which may never fade
Which will remove all I've known from your beautiful soul, take the life right out of your eyes
I worry, my love, that your deep infatuation will lead to your untimely demise.

So please my darling, heed my advice.
I don’t want our world to fall apart
I want you to stay just as you are
Just as you were at the start

I have told you once, child, I will not tell you again that you should stay away from all of this
You have not paid attention to any of us, yet it’s not something you can carelessly dismiss
As you have done throughout all of your life, as you charged on entirely unaware
Of the dangers you have passed, so effortlessly, without even a hint of care.

So please my darling, heed my advice.
I don’t want our world to fall apart
I want you to stay just as you are
Just as you were at the start

My dearest love how I wish you were still here, here to stay forever more.
If I could I would bring you straight home, come back to me, I implore
But you didn't listen, as you never had done, and now you are gone from my life
And all I once loved has turned to dust, the happiness turned to strife.

So please my darling, heed my warning signs.
I don’t want our world to fall apart
I want you to stay just as you are
Just as you were at the start

I don't remember the first time I saw you,
Your sunshine eyes and golden hair
Were hidden from my view
As I looked past you, and to the rest,
All of the people, plainly dressed,
To the front and to the teacher,
Rabbi, Priest, Guru, Preacher
Of a faith I didn't want
And a lesson I didn't need.

They say it's true love at first sight,
But try as hard as I might,
I can't remember loving you,
At that moment, right on cue,
Or even when we first went out
My heart didn't flutter, scream or shout
With pure emotion, love or lust
Instead a slight murmur, just
A flutter in my stomach.

Maybe this wasn't meant to last,
But it shouldn't have ended quite so fast,
Or I don't think so anyway,
Because I just can't keep my heart at bay,
The love came slowly,
You can believe me,
I fell for you,
Head over heels,
And you let me down.

Thanks, babe.

I do so hope you're not as lost as I,
My young, beloved warrior.
Why that tear bedims your eye,
As you charge forth to your death

I hope you know what you're fighting for,
My passionate, silly lover boy
Why you chose to end your life before
Any of it had even started

I want to know why, naive, young man
You went and left me here alone,
To sit and wonder how I can
Bring you back to me

But every time you hear that name,
I see you burn with anger,
I see your heart burst into flame
With a passion I'll never understand

I don't know what it did to you,
That one inglorious monster,
Of the pain you feel I have no clue
Or of the terrors which came after

So come back to me once more my love,
Don't let it ruin all you care for
And I will help you rise above
The anger and the pain

I'm going to go fishing
Down at the rock pools
In the blue and green
Are you fishing for pearls?
No, I'm fishing for diamonds
Amongst the ***** and the fish
I'll stay til I have one
oh sure, you wish

When I find it, I'll show you
And then how you'll laugh
And I'll keep it with me
For no one else to have
And then you'll be sorry
You ever doubted me
You can sit by and stare
At the display you'll see
Of the strength and the beauty
The jewel it does hold
How it sparkles and shines
And glisters more than your gold

I caught a diamond
It's big and it's bright
It shines in the daytime
And brightens the night
I'm sure it won't last
And I'm sure it will
And you won't laugh
Any more
Because I am happy
And I've found what I'm searching for.

You are terrifying and beautiful all at once
A solemn look on your face
The face of the most perfect sculpture
An angel of the highest grace

And as you open your mouth to speak to me,
You pause, you hesitate,
You catch your breath before it leaves,
On a great escape

Instead you carry on staring,
Your eyes exploring mine,
As we stood there in silence
Wondering what you’d find

And you looked deep into my soul
And heard my cries of sorrow
You ripped the pulse out from my heart
You took away my tomorrow

You brushed off all the specks of dirt,
You fixed the imperfections,
Then you put my pulse right back,
You were my resurrection

But I am not as perfect as Him,
Nor you or anyone else,
Yet you helped me find my way back home,
To discover my own true self

And then you left me,
Graceful angel,
And you didn't say goodbye
Instead you walked into the distance
Singing a mournful lullaby.

As the other kids traipsed off to bed,
You held me on your knee,
I watched the cricket, next to him,
As they made history

The crack of the bat against the ball,
The cheering of the crowd,
I didn't understand it then,
And neither do I now

But his room would always smell the same,
Of mothballs, damp and sweets,
The three of us would all sit around,
In pyjamas with bare feet

The taste of garlic lingering,
The best food in the world,
And I knew what it meant to him,
To be next to his favourite little girl.

There's a beautiful sense of injustice in what has happened to you, I notice,
As I watch from afar, your eyes cold, your heart beating slowly.
Your voice is barely audible above the clamour of the room,
Your gaze set low, sinking beneath the glare of these 'spectators' to your humiliation.
They bray and holler, as you rock to and fro on your podium,
Your 'pedestal'.
Your mouth is silent as your mind cries out for help,
Lost and falling,
Further
And
Further
Into the pit.
The dark envelops you,
As you drown in the echoes of your wailing soul,
Bouncing off the walls
Of the trap
In which you find yourself
Caught.
Still, you remain silent,
Strong,
Dignified,
In the eye of the storm,
Against all odds,
As they jeer and laugh at you,
You sit still,
Your back straight and you head held high,
Yet I see through your stony exterior,
I notice the missing link in your chain mail suit,
I notice the gap in your shell.
And only I understand what it means,
As you briefly loosen your grasp
On the pendant of the locket hung around your neck
The locket which is keeper to your darkest secret,
The secret you have strived to keep safe,
And only I see the fault
In your near perfect act,
For your 'loyal' audience,
To whom you are a puppet.
Only I will know why this is significant,
As the small gasp you let free,
Flies between ignorant ears,
Until it disappears, like smoke.
I once knew you when you were happy,
Though you're more peaceful now.
And that is unfair,
And it is beautiful,
Because today will be your last.

I know why you smile,
Why that twinkle's in your eye
That up-curl on you rosy lips
Is the reason that I cry

I want to see you one more time,
You don't even have to speak
I still remember walking away
As the tears spilled down my cheeks

And yes it's bad to say all this,
It's been three months, I know,
But you've crept your way back into my dreams,
And I don't think I want you to go

So come back to me once more, my love
And we'll let the time fly by
But this time, won't you promise me
Just one last kiss goodbye?

in the dark of the night i heard the thunder
i saw an empty alley filled with smoke
i felt the rough bricks of an un-built wall
as i searched for a leader to call king
the one who would rule with his golden soul
the kingdom from the castle to the stream

as i looked into the babbling stream
once again i heard the rolling thunder
shaking the foundations of my own soul
as i watched my world fill up with the smoke
the desolate legacy of my king
i built my self a protector; a wall

from the new found safety behind my wall
i listened to the warble of the stream
drowning out the voice of my once hailed king
a boom resonating like the thunder
i once had heard, dispersing the smoke
to reveal the treasure held in his soul

i saw the glistering gold of his soul
Through the gaps in the bricks which built my wall
down the alley i could see no more smoke
but i could see no more fish in the stream
and i could no longer hear the thunder
as i saw my world, taken, by the king

with a menacing smile the ruthless king
laughed as he stood, without his golden soul
ruler of my world, king of the thunder
his armies approached, to take down my wall
The bricks falling, flying into the stream
as once more, my world darkened with the smoke

now thicker, halting my breath i saw smoke
through it i saw the shadow of the king
roaring, laughing as the dust filled the stream
i reached out before me to take the soul
the glistering gold from the ruined wall
and i felt myself fall to the thunder

A cold winter’s night with the moon in full,
The trees rustle, but the wind lulls,
A Lullaby so sweet and melancholic,
Howling through the woods, a song so chronically
Painful to the ears, beauty at its purest,
Encapsulates your fears that everything’s not perfect,

And there you stand,
Shadow of a man,
A creature never to be seen,
Singing along
With the melancholy song,
A poor soul never to be found

The rain it falls and drips through the leaves
As the it storm rages all around your feet,
You run for cover from the lightning bolts,
As they slice their way through the dark and halt
The movement of life in your adopted home,
As you cry for the life you’ve never known

And there you stand,
Shadow of a man,
A creature never to be seen,
Singing along
With the melancholy song,
A poor soul never to be found

And now there’s silence, little old man,
As you stand as still as well you can,
There’s no more rain and crashes of thunder,
Just the branches of trees that were once under
The sky, the mighty big blue,
But now they’re under, under you.

And there you stand,
Shadow of a man,
A creature never to be seen,
Singing along
With the melancholy song,
A poor soul never to be found

All you are
Is a pair of eyes,
Big round discs in the dark,
With the tallest ears,
And the widest smile,
And the voice of a singing lark,

And I love you more than I could have imagined,
Your face imprinted in my brain,
The day you leave the world will be saddened,
The darkest shadow of a stain.

All you say
Is a metaphor,
For the love you give to the world,
Your brain it soars
Through the clouds above,
Listening to all there is to be heard,

And I love you more than I could have imagined,
Your face imprinted in my brain,
The day you leave the world will be saddened,
The darkest shadow of a stain.

All you see
Is the beauty,
Of everything you will ever pass,
Like a shooting star,
Or a stranger’s smile,
For the light you bring will always last,

And I love you more than I could have imagined,
Your face imprinted in my brain,
The day you leave the world will be saddened,
The darkest shadow of a stain.