It jumped up a notch every time I said hello
The voltage went up some
And though the pain got harder
And this game more dangerous
The pleasure,
That adrenaline,
It was the best feeling in the world
And I forgot how to back down.

They moved me away, they did.
They made me leave. They said
"It will be better for you, it will"
That's what they said
As the walls crumbled around me.

Now I live in a small white room
There's a bed and a dresser
And a window that never opens.
They said I'm safe, they did
They said I'm healthy, they did
They said I'm better, they did
They said I'm okay

But they don't listen when I tell them:
I'd swap this dull ache for that electricity any day
The underlying pain for that jolt flying through my body
I'd swap this life for that game in a flash
The same time it would take to do it all one more time
Just once more
This is a life, but I am not living.

My chest feels heavy
Filled with wine
Bitter, purple and with a bad aftertaste.
With each beat
It's like a wave crashing to shore
Constricting my trachea
And splashing into my lungs.
There's no space to breathe here.
Seeping through my body
Turning my blood to poison,
*******, sweet, thick poison
That stings as it runs its way
Through my veins.
Lift me from this heavy sleep
From the purple bed
With too many covers
Silky, suffocating me.
Take me far away,
To some tropical beach,
With soft, glistening sand
And a sea bluer than the sky
Fill me life with light and air
Let me breathe deeply and feel it
Cleanse my blood,
Fill me
As though I were a balloon.
From there I will say our happy goodbyes,
As I float away into the big blue.

Red velvet in a sea of dust,
Dirtied and ruined but filled with lust
For what's to come,
The eye of the storm,
The hour in which you get to perform
For the first time loved
By miraculous strangers
Forgetting about the pain, the hurt and the danger
Letting yourself go
And opening up
Like taking a ride on the wings of a dove
You're finally free
From the cage in your head
You've grown a new skin,
An armour of lead.

Indestructible and happy.

Headless chickens
Come to mind
Running, lost, dazed and confused
I am really sorry
For the ways I have been treating you.

Scrambled eggs
Replacing neurons
Mushy, pale, broken and beat
I'm breaking before you
I have nowhere to stand, on these two feet.

Lollipop swirls
And condensed milk
Sweet, sugar-rush, headaches and broken hearts
You ended it perfectly,
Taking aim in this game of darts.

Chocolate cakes
And cookie-dough ice cream
Cold, set, sickly and baked
I gave you an idea of me
I'm sorry for the additives.

Icing sugar
And self raising flour
Wispy, powdered, whipped and kneaded
I didn't want to just let you go
But you'd have loved if I'd begged and pleaded.

120ml milk
And 3 broken eggs
Flour: plain and sugar: caster
Write this down and lock it away
It's just a recipe for disaster.

Make me a deal
Do me a favour
Go the **** away
Why you calling me "mate" for?

You need to go back home
Maybe get in your bed
Just chill for minute
You need to sort out your head

What the **** have you done?
I can't ******* stand your lying
I thought youse were alright
But she's just run away crying

Don't you lay a finger on me
Or I'll break it, I swear down
You're a real piece of work
Take off that fake crown

Step down off that podium
You're not as big as you think
Everyone knows it
And I'm on the brink

Of losing it now,
So step away dear
And don't you come back again
Or I'll ******* rip off your right ear

My place in this world
Is certain
It is real
And it can never be reclaimed.
My death
Will not undermine
The fact that I lived;
That I was here;
And that I did what I have done
And dream of doing the things I want to do.
I have plans which will take place
And those that will fall through
I have ideas which will shape my life
And hopefully the lives of others.
I have read these books
I will study these subjects
Take these exams
And do this research
I will sing, I might even dance,
I will laugh, cry, shout and whisper
Run, jump, walk, jog
I will tell you in four different languages that
I love you
J't'aime
Te Quiero
நான் உன்னை காதலிக்கிறேன்
(Nāṉ uṉṉai kātalikkiṟēṉ)
And I know that I will mean it
And so will you.
I will do as many great things as I can with my life,
Be they by my standards or yours.
So why, I ask you,
Is it
That when I look at myself in a mirror,
Or in any reflective surface,
I hate myself
Only for the appearance
Of the girl I see peering back at me?

can you not hear the thunder
building inside of me
rippling through my bones
from my feet, up my spine, to my brain
as the lightning strikes within

would that i could
i would open my mouth
and like a gramophone
this storm that rages deep inside
would be projected.

i would, but it would deafen
and it would be felt for miles
from Lands End
to John O' Groats
and it would shake this island.

you can't hear it
and i hope you never will
but if i write it here
that i have concealed it
will you listen?