Please believe me dear
When I tell you
That it was never a lie.
What I did was awful
I don't need you to tell me that
But I'm naive,
We're naive
And I'm still learning how to be.

I didn't set out to hurt you
It wasn't supposed to be this way
Please don't turn your back
As I plead with you
On my knees
Tears streaming down my cheeks.

I know it doesn't mean much now,
But if I utter that awful word,
Would you believe me that I am?
I wasn't ready for this
I should have known it from the start
But that doesn't mean it wasn't real
I was, and still am, just a scared little child
And I think that can be said about you too.

Baby I don't want to leave it like this,
And I don't want you to go,
Not now, do you really have to?
Please listen to me,
Just look me in the eye and let me persuade you,
I am sorry.

It's not that I specifically needed you
To end the loneliness
There were so many days I was fine

It's that I needed more time:
I like to be on my own
And sometimes it all just gets too much
To be with someone all of the time

But take away the time I had
To balance it out
And everything goes out of whack
So that night when you hung up
It hit me
Like a brick in the face
That you weren't really there
And I would have to sleep in
My empty bed
With shadows as company.

I don't need the idea of you,
I can get along just fine
But now that I have you
I need you more than ever.

File up
In a single line
Until I can see
But one silhouette

From there you will march,
March until your feet bleed
And the soles of your shoes are worn down.
Do not stop
Until I give the order.

Hand me your possessions
And remove all accessories
You are one
You are not individuals.

I will present to you a selection
But you must choose one route
You may not divert
From the course I have given you.

Now tell me you're free
Tell me you have a choice
Tell me you have an identity
That is separate to theirs.

Welcome to conditioning.

I promised myself
I wouldn't let this consume me
That the claws ripping me apart inside
Can be stopped
Can be calmed,
But I think I have since forgotten
How to make them disappear.

You lay beside me
And I felt safe,
Everything forgotten,
Just the beating
Of two young hearts
And the heavy
Up and down
Of your chest
As you breathed,
Soft as the sea
Upon the sand.

If I threw you a line,
Would you catch it
So I could reel you back to safety
From the mucky waters
In which you are currently drowning

The salt in the water
Has chafed your once flawless skin,
Which is now
Red, peeling, sore.
Let me tend it for you,
So when I cradle you in my open arms
You won't hurt.

I know it's colder outside the lagoon,
I know it's hard to leave,
But if I lit a fire, we could
Sit around it together,
Singing sweet lullabies,
A blanket draped over your shoulders
As I rock you to sleep.

We don't have to speak,
I just need to know you're safe.

I don't know how you've done it,
But I'm hanging off your every word,
I'm waiting on edge for your reply,
And there's a small part of me
That isn't convinced
When I say it's okay that you'll call tomorrow.

I'm not usually clingy,
And I've never felt like this,
And while I'm over the moon
When you kiss my lips soft,
I have also never been this nervous.

You've done the damage now,
How I wish we lived closer,
So you could start patching it up.