a small settle
away; a
message that things are back to normal.
even happily
given time,
the kitten may be so by
itself, may need its paw held,
some cat's
companionship.

remember, we live the
values of one
another- different people, those who
are
used; a quiet life may be left
on loudly.

and,
lonely for you, on holiday or in hospital, would
you prefer nothing?

it's just: I'm afraid and will
need a lot of loving, another animal,
time,

after
you.

with just keys, right pocket, as witness,
truly,
i would fall a little
more with
you close enough, with
you i
could go out every night
or sleep just a little
easier. we slip
into patterned strides,
eyes ablaze under the enclosure of
sodium streetlamps.
through scraps of sienna cloud,
one star emerges:
a steady twinkle in your eyes,
a heartbeat,

a truth and an intractability.

all in footprints i
throw onto the side
walk i mesh with
patterns laid out
like so many
fractions of leaves
caught in an under
tow, when
autumn emerges once more and
streams down the hall, i
can't remember
why
i ever thought at all
that these splinters
inside of me
would just dissolve;
or how
i ever got so
down and out.

little by little, fractures
develop. little by little, i'm
breaking down.
and,
for an eye's blink duration,
i finally understand,
what has come to be, the
sapling of reason i might be able to breathe
a little longer or
curl away, until
the lights in your eyes
become slowly emptying stars,
gracing some horizon, once again,
like
before i found i'd ever fall for you,
and the split-second it took to change that.

'cause, now,
i can't stay asleep,
i can't sleep, can't
find sleep, amongst these tides,
i can't sleep anywhere,
can't
          do this
anymore, {for the thirty-seventh time, I whisper.}

the moment dissolves.
awake, eyes closing.
the splinters don't budge.

still awake,
twisting nothing.

heat sinks through
my skin these days, i
can't keep it out. i can't stay
put to shed the extraneous
motion inside of me; i suppose,
if anything,
i'm contracting, collapsing.

god knows what i am willing,
but, angularly, my
motives are changing and i'm
afraid of where these
clouds lead.

am i free or just a
cast shadow of me?
am i a liar,
or do i care simply in veiled metre,
and
would i stop before i seem?

at once, a fragment of time,
feigning invisibility, or ignorance, or
questioning:
what was lost? surely i.
the list repeats;
three kilometers-
a thousand or more repetitions,
a mountain-
just one,
cold, partially fogbound.
open covers, reveries composed of wolves' teeth.
huh, some olympia this makes.

i slept and your words were life.

you smiled, silent,
one-half of a crescent moon's portrait,
the sky was soft, turning
away you set light
awash on the tracks of swells
i cast a small boat across
the depths-
there are too many nothings, here. i'll drown, empty.
lithe, you
move a hair's width, you
drop an anchor into the world.

and i, warm,
wonder, once more,
how the seconds must trail
shadows across your skin,
in the rain.