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Tom Cooney Jan 2016
I want to Hunt.
I want to find Prey, and take from it, the way Predators have done since time immemorial.
Beasts like me are meant to Hunt, not sit around and play pretend that we're Prey, or are just there to be guard dogs for them against, "bad people".
I don't want to be subjugated by Prey animals because of their opinions on how a Beast should act when I am perfectly capable of breaking every bone in the hand they're using to stick their finger in my face.
I tire of being bossed about by Prey and by Weak Beasts. I tire of being limited based on fantastical versions of reality in which there are no Predators. What angers me most is that there's enough Weaklings that are willing to defend the Prey that I can't have at any of them without being locked in a cage or killed. By my OWN KIND.
Someday soon, when the laws of Men fail, and We the People are forced to fend for themselves...they will remember that the Predators are still there.
When the laws of Nature that Prey thought they could hide from come, yet again, into effect- they will remember.
And they will wish that they had hidden more carefully.
Tom Cooney Jul 2015
There are two wolves inside all men.
There is one that is Jealousy, Selfishness, Rage, and all other terrible things.
There is one that is Honor, Peace, Wisdom, and all other good things.
Or at least that's how the saying goes.
That saying also says that those two wolves fight, and the one that wins is the one that you feed.
Well, here's the problem with that-
If the Beast is the size of Fenris, the Godslaying Warg of indescribable power...It's not gonna matter for anything how much you feed that White Wolf.
That White Wolf is gonna use all the energy it gets from the food you give it just to keep itself away from the Beast, dodging its assault.
The White Wolf can't fight the Beast. It can survive the Beast. That's all it's gonna manage.
So, when you're trying to be that White Wolf, and you're trying to keep up with the giant, slavering Beast that wants nothing more than to ****, eat, and forget you, the same as it wants to do with anything else- sometimes you wonder why you keep evading the Beast.
Because it hurts so much from the exhaustion and the burdens that feeding yourself place on you that you don't know if you WANT to keep moving.
Is there really anything wrong with just...laying down...relaxing...letting it all end?
After all...the poor Beast over there just wants to eat...and he's been starving as long as I've been alive...
Tom Cooney Dec 2014
I've never been capable of true Hate,
It's not a part of who I am, what I am,
I can be Enraged for a time, but it burns off,
so now I wonder, as you push me away and stab me,
as you revile and curse me,
do I Hate you?

I don't feel Rage for you,
I don't want to tear the flesh from your bones,
I don't want to rend your body asunder,
but I still feel like I dislike you,
though it is definitely more than that.

I think I may finally know what it is to Hate.

To be reviled, distrusted,
to not be cared for,
to be in every way rejected,
though I show nothing but good towards you,
I think that has made me feel Hate for you.

It is not hot like my Rage, it is cold,
It is not swift like my Rage, it is slow,
It is not impermanent like my Rage, it is lasting,
And I think I'm okay with that.

So yes, I Hate you. And I almost want to thank you for teaching me what that means.

Almost.
Tom Cooney Nov 2014
I limp to my corner,
to curl up and sleep,
to give these gouges,
these wounds,
these rips in not just my body,
but my self,
time to heal.
...
I think of the cowards,
the weaklings,
the things that ought to be my prey,
whose cruel mischief I suffer,
whose idiocy I tolerate,
whose limbs I have yet to rip from them,
though I forget why I've not done that...
And I wonder why I let this go on.
...
Why do I tolerate this?
Why don't I return harm with harm?
Why don't I tear into the fools in return?
Am I not a Beast?
Am I not Strong?
Is it really so wrong as I was taught to hurt others?
Do I have to be selfless?
Do I have to act like a Man?
Would that make me, "good"?
Does being a Beast make me, "bad"?
Is my nature repulsive?
Abhorrent?
Abominable?
...
Am I an Evil thing, regardless of my actions?
Am I truly Evil within myself anyways?
...
Why do I bother?
Why do I restrain myself?
Is it because I ought to?
Or is it because I was taught to?
Have I never truly known what it is to be myself?
Have I always struggled against my nature?
...
I think I have...
I think I've never actually let myself...be myself.
Well...
Maybe it's time to truly be a Beast.
Tom Cooney Nov 2014
Why can't I stop hurting myself? Am I hurting myself, or is everyone else hurting me and I blame myself? Am I sane? I don't know how to stop hurting. Why do I hurt? Do I hurt because of something I did? Do I deserve this? Is it a punishment? No, I don't think so, that wouldn't make much sense...hmm...is it because of some part of Nature that just means I won't stop subjecting myself to pain because hurting is a part of me? Experiencing the pain others might otherwise deal with and keeping it caged in myself? It certainly seems to be what I've built myself to be. chuckles A sponge. That's what I'm like. A pain sponge. Is that good? Is that bad? Is that helpful to anyone? Is it even good for or helpful to me? I dunno. It seems to make sense. I don't think about it though, and most things can make sense if you don't think about them...when am I eating? What am I eating? Man, I'm hungry...I should go and get some of that cake out of the kitchen. Will that help me feel full? Maybe...Hmm...I wonder if I should talk to Karl...he might notice if I texted him...I could see if we could hang out...eh, we never end up hanging out except when he texts. I'll just sit here for a while longer. Hmm...I wonder what music sounds good right now. Let's think...Hollywood Undead? Eh, I can't think of any songs from them right now...Imagine Dragons? Mrrrrrr maybe. Probably not. Whatever. I guess I'll sit here a little longer...do I want to take a walk? I've not left the house in a while...I could do with some fresh air, maybe...or maybe not. I dunno. I just kinda wanna feel better. How would I go about feeling better? What's the best way to stop feeling so ******? Would google have any suggestions? I doubt it...******, why does my mom want so much of me? Well, she doesn't really want that much...or maybe she does and I tell myself she doesn't? Or does she not and I tell myself she does? Did I say those right? Do I care? I dunno. I kinda wanna sleep. I think I'm gonna go have that cake and go to bed. Do I want some milk with my cake? Yeah, maybe some milk...Maybe I could just sleep...I bet I'll stop feeling so bad if I sleep...
Tom Cooney Jun 2014
All my life,
I've ignored,
I've shrugged off,
I've tried to forget,
pain.

I've cried,
and bled,
and raged and screamed,
at and for the world,
and everyone,
and everything,
and now I just hurt.

I always said,
"Pain is temporary.",
that it doesn't matter,
that I'll get over it,
that I'm really all right.

Yeah, "all right".

We all do this,
in one way,
or another,
and we're all killing ourselves,
with our own stubbornness.

Maybe one day,
the pain will finally be enough,
to wake us up.
Tom Cooney Feb 2014
Masks,
we all wear them,
at least from time to time.
Don't try to deny it.
That girl who seems cheery all the time,
who always has a jacket on, or a sweater,
to hide the cuts,
and more importantly,
her Mask.
The little kid who sits alone at lunch,
who, "just isn't social",
because if he plays with others,
they'll see the bruises,
the beatings will show through.
Again, always wearing a jacket or somesuch,
but again,
more importantly,
his Mask.
Me,
me, who barely gets by,
without just exploding,
and hurting those he loves,
and wants to just be able to be STABLE,
just to see what it feels like.
I wear my faded jeans,
my gloves, to hide the bloodied knuckles,
from just punching whatever's at hand,
my boots,
to keep my toes breaking when I kick things,
but most importantly,
my Mask.
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