Rage,
the only constant,
always there,
just beneath the surface,
waiting.
Waiting,
to pounce,
to maul,
to ****.
I don't let it.
Well,
I don't let it hurt OTHERS,
but energy is energy,
it has to be burned off,
so it pounces,
it mauls,
it kills,
me.
Me,
the only one who suffers,
so that everyone else,
can live more happily,
it's a sacrifice,
one I make every day.
But...some days...
Why?
I wonder why I make that sacrifice.
And then I think,
about the charnel battlefields,
the rolling hills of men once living,
the terrors that are my birthright,
and I remember.
I will die from this someday.
I won't be able to contain it any more,
and I WILL die.
But I will not falter.
I may have a monster inside of me,
but I am NOT a monster.

Rest
that's all I want.
I don't mean sleep,
that I can manage.
My body will shut down for 8 hours at a time,
and my body will be ready to do another day's worth of work.
But my mind won't reset.
Why can't I just rest?
I just want recovery,
respite,
a break, for God's sake.
WHAT WON'T LET ME REST?!
I've got all day to think on it.
And I think it's you.
I think my mind
more, my heart,
can't go on without you.
Or...something like that...
I can't figure it out.
I know you don't love me,
you said as much,
but I feel like I need you anyways.
It doesn't make sense,
and I hate it with every fiber of my body,
but it's how it is.
I want it FIXED!
...
I just want to rest...

I finally finished.
I put myself back together.
Piece by piece,
hour by hour,
tear by tear,
I am whole again.
And now,
like a glass vase,
I must sit still,
never moving,
ever quiet,
And hope that some childish person doesn't come along.
Because I don't want to be broken again.

We all have our demons.
But they aren't all the same.
It's our demons that make us different from others.
Some are bigger,
some are stronger,
some are faster,
but we all at least have a few.
You can deal with them one of two ways;
you beat your demons down and never let them have any power.
This is the, "safe" option.
This is the way that people think is ALWAYS the best option.
To the point that they can't even think of the other option as viable.
The other option?
Embrace them.
Make use of them.
Let them have JUST enough control to help power you, to help keep you running.
And then put them in their place.
It takes SO much effort,
and SO much practice,
but it's worth it completely.
The Wisdom one can gain experiencing Pride,
the Love one can learn to appreciate after Lust,
the drive that Wrath can give you,
the Motivation one can have to fight off Sloth,
The Selflessness that comes with analyzing Envy,
the Generosity that can come with learning how horrible Greed is,
the need for Moderation that experiencing Gluttony can give you.
They bring knowledge,
understanding,
strength.
They don't INTEND to,
but you're strong enough to make them.

Breaks are never really clean.
You never get that
perfect break
where nothing is really damaged, just split.
Like anything perfect, they don't exist.
You can never really
avoid the pain of a break
especially when it splinters.
Though, it always splinters.
Though again, some breaks are worse than others
And you may not KNOW what to do about it.
It's not always obvious.
There's usually not an easy answer.
But you can find one.
Just give yourself enough time
enough energy
and you can find an answer to anything.
So I'm splintered all to hell right now,
but I'll find a way to fix it someday.

Powerless
I can't
move
I can't
speak
I can't
stand
I can't
walk
I can't
cry
I can't
help
for the first time
I can't even...
help people.
Normally
I can
help others
even when
I feel bad myself
but now
I can't do anything
and it's not my fault
but I can't make myself believe that...