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 Nov 2015 Tonya Carpenter
M
I have never much liked science
and I never knew why, until now.
Because I have always known the grass is green
and I am constantly refreshed by the knowledge of
the fact of something new.
Knowing a formula, a law that tells me
the grass will be green every day
tells me to forget that the grass is special.
How can something be special if it is green every day?
How can anything be special if it is always the same?
A law gives me an explanation of how it will always be
and, personally, knowing something will always be
destroys my sense of wonder that it is here today
why do I care about the magnitude of a single repeating pattern?
if it repeats, it repeats. No matter for how long.
So, if the law says forever, it's no more special because
it is forever. In fact, it is less special.
I've never cared much for science because these laws
tell me, "it's not a miracle. In fact, it's always this way. Here's why."
And something, something deep within me, says,
"That's it?"
and science responds, in its dry voice, and tells me,
"That's it."
And I am convinced, still, in my heart of hearts, that
that can't be it. There must be more. Because I know
the grass is special. I know the world is good and unique
and different every day and deeply personal.
I don't care for laws because I know there are miracles around me
and a law tries to explain everything- and sure, it does.
Everything except the fact that this world is special.
I would rather be grateful the grass is green today than look at it
and say, "Well, I know it's green and will always be,"
and move on to the next fact to memorize,
in an empty pursuit of knowing all the laws. These laws
don't fulfill us because they don't lend us any sense of wonder.
They tell us the world is not special. That it's explainable.
I would rather appreciate it that it exists today and for what it is
rather than follow a pattern for all eternity.
Because I know that it's not just "That's it."
It must be more. It's got to be more.
a child of seven wants to hear a fairy tale that a man opened a door and there was a dragon. A child of two is already amused that a man opened a door. Every variation on what we already know is an attempt to satisfy and remember that feeling the first time we found out the grass is green. Laws tell us that we will never feel like that again. The grass will always be green. Sure, the discovery of that law feels brilliant and like a new discovery and a gain of knowledge but after that we will never marvel again at the grass being green. Knowing, instead, that something actively chooses to keep repeating itself and that it is life that does it again day by day through CHOICE is the true miracle. It is not bound to be green. However, we are thankful it is green because it might have been red or it might not have been there. "Law" destroys that gratitude. In fact, a law that must be followed and cannot be broken in fact robs us of both the obedience of following it and the fun in breaking it. A law that cannot be broken is no law at all. All the fun, in fact, of learning these new 'laws', is counteracted by the fact that you will never have the fun of discovering the grass is green again. The pattern will always repeat, no matter how many patterns you know. And knowing more and more patterns still will not free you. In fact, it binds you. Just some things to think about.

Read "Orthodoxy" by GK Chesterton. It's literally incredible.
I cried over beautiful things knowing no beautiful thing lasts.

The field of cornflower yellow is a scarf at the neck of the copper
  sunburned woman, the mother of the year, the taker of seeds.

The northwest wind comes and the yellow is torn full of holes,
  new beautiful things come in the first spit of snow on the northwest wind,
  and the old things go, not one lasts.
You come along... tearing your shirt... yelling about Jesus.
     Where do you get that stuff?
     What do you know about Jesus?
Jesus had a way of talking soft and outside of a few
     bankers and higher-ups among the con men of Jerusalem
     everybody liked to have this Jesus around because
     he never made any fake passes and everything
     he said went and he helped the sick and gave the
     people hope.

You come along squirting words at us, shaking your fist
     and calling us all **** fools so fierce the froth slobbers
     over your lips... always blabbing we're all
     going to hell straight off and you know all about it.

I've read Jesus' words. I know what he said. You don't
     throw any scare into me. I've got your number. I
     know how much you know about Jesus.
He never came near clean people or ***** people but
     they felt cleaner because he came along. It was your
     crowd of bankers and business men and lawyers
     hired the sluggers and murderers who put Jesus out
     of the running.

I say the same bunch backing you nailed the nails into
     the hands of this Jesus of Nazareth. He had lined
     up against him the same crooks and strong-arm men
     now lined up with you paying your way.

This Jesus was good to look at, smelled good, listened
     good. He threw out something fresh and beautiful
     from the skin of his body and the touch of his hands
     wherever he passed along.
You slimy bunkshooter, you put a **** on every human
     blossom in reach of your rotten breath belching
     about hell-fire and hiccupping about this Man who
     lived a clean life in Galilee.

When are you going to quit making the carpenters build
     emergency hospitals for women and girls driven
     crazy with wrecked nerves from your gibberish about
     Jesus--I put it to you again: Where do you get that
     stuff; what do you know about Jesus?

Go ahead and bust all the chairs you want to. Smash
     a whole wagon load of furniture at every performance.
     Turn sixty somersaults and stand on your
     nutty head. If it wasn't for the way you scare the
     women and kids I'd feel sorry for you and pass the hat.
I like to watch a good four-flusher work, but not when
     he starts people puking and calling for the doctors.
I like a man that's got nerve and can pull off a great
     original performance, but you--you're only a bug-
     house peddler of second-hand gospel--you're only
     shoving out a phoney imitation of the goods this
     Jesus wanted free as air and sunlight.

You tell people living in shanties Jesus is going to fix it
     up all right with them by giving them mansions in
     the skies after they're dead and the worms have
     eaten 'em.
You tell $6 a week department store girls all they need
     is Jesus; you take a steel trust ***, dead without
     having lived, gray and shrunken at forty years of
     age, and you tell him to look at Jesus on the cross
     and he'll be all right.
You tell poor people they don't need any more money
     on pay day and even if it's fierce to be out of a job,
     Jesus'll fix that up all right, all right--all they gotta
     do is take Jesus the way you say.
I'm telling you Jesus wouldn't stand for the stuff you're
     handing out. Jesus played it different. The bankers
     and lawyers of Jerusalem got their sluggers and
     murderers to go after Jesus just because Jesus
     wouldn't play their game. He didn't sit in with
     the big thieves.

I don't want a lot of gab from a bunkshooter in my religion.
I won't take my religion from any man who never works
     except with his mouth and never cherishes any memory
     except the face of the woman on the American
     silver dollar.

I ask you to come through and show me where you're
     pouring out the blood of your life.

I've been to this suburb of Jerusalem they call Golgotha,
     where they nailed Him, and I know if the story is
     straight it was real blood ran from His hands and
     the nail-holes, and it was real blood spurted in red
     drops where the spear of the Roman soldier rammed
     in between the ribs of this Jesus of Nazareth.
MY people are gray,
  pigeon gray, dawn gray, storm gray.
I call them beautiful,
  and I wonder where they are going.
THEY all want to play Hamlet.
They have not exactly seen their fathers killed
Nor their mothers in a frame-up to ****,
Nor an Ophelia dying with a dust gagging the heart,
Not exactly the spinning circles of singing golden spiders,
Not exactly this have they got at nor the meaning of flowers-O flowers, flowers slung by a dancing girl-in the saddest play the inkfish, Shakespeare, ever wrote;
Yet they all want to play Hamlet because it is sad like all actors are sad and to stand by an open grave with a joker's skull in the hand and then to say over slow and say over slow wise, keen, beautiful words masking a heart that's breaking, breaking,
This is something that calls and calls to their blood.
They are acting when they talk about it and they know it is acting to be particular about it and yet: They all want to play Hamlet.
 Apr 2015 Tonya Carpenter
Julia
Someday
someone will walk into your life
and see the beauty in you that everyone before was blind to.
Someday
they'll know every minute detail
and still commit because of the
love they feel for you.
Someday
the love you'd felt
for those before will be but
a whisper
compared to
the clamor
you feel inside when you
truly love
and are truly loved in return.
*jm
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my *******,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
A free bird leaps on the back
Of the wind and floats downstream
Till the current ends and dips his wing
In the orange suns rays
And dares to claim the sky.

But a BIRD that stalks down his narrow cage
Can seldom see through his bars of rage
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
Of things unknown but longed for still
And his tune is heard on the distant hill for
The caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
And the trade winds soft through
The sighing trees
And the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright
Lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged BIRD stands on the grave of dreams
His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with
A fearful trill of things unknown
But longed for still and his
Tune is heard on the distant hill
For the caged bird sings of freedom.
I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.
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