I am engulfed in the pain of the day
always stalking me wishing me harm
with my life unimportant it leaves me to try and discover why want's my soul
I always think i find happiness but discover that it is an illusion and a lie
I cause pain everyday I remain here in this eartly coil
The pain has convinced me to avoid further distruction of oters hearts I must cause one last pain one more loss.
Though I question my head and the broken and painful heart I cannot dispute the logic that is derived.
So it may be best to say goodbye and remove the pain from my life and leave one last pain for you to get over and forget about me

I want to die
I want to give up
I want to end this pain
I am to afraid to do so by myself
Though I think of ways to do it all the time
I pray that some drunk wreckless driver will run the light and help me
or I might fall off the roof and break my neck.
Or that my heart will just break from all this pain and stop beating from from lack of will
I have done so much hurting to others though I thought it was for the better I withheld the truth that was important to another I love and it has hurt her and wrecked us.
The only good I had in my life is now gone and I have nothing left
though the talk of death is hard for some the thought of being dead brings me peace
to see those that went ahead and to finally be at peace with the pain of this world behind me
Is this the "note" they all look for to help understand or is it the rambling of a person without the ***** to **** themselves, I dont know maybe both.
I am sorry for hurting you and hope when you remember me you think of me fondly and shed a little tear for me. I love you and will miss you .

The darkness consumes my every thought dragging me to the corners of my mind.
There I find the memories of days gone by, hurt that was forgotten and joy never known.
My silent torment remains silent as the screams for help echo in the hollwness of the memories I store.
why won't they help me? Cant they hear me cry for someone to save me from myself, from that monster that haunts when I am unguarded and weak. That monster that stole my innocence that stole my childhood, and it wasn't alone as most monster aren't. God help the child trapped in this wretched soul for it is damaged and broken.
To repair a soul, a mind is almost impossible for you can't recover what was lost in a sea of darkess and fear. Forgivness would be a start to finding peace ost would say, but that is an elusive response to the evil that lurks in my memories, and futile to seek that which does not come.
I know the Lord has forgiven me for my past and sin, but I am not so easily persuaded to forive such hurt and betrayal of innocenece. The monster that brought the evil upon me is the worste some would say, but I beg to differ seeing the unknowing accomplice (those with the power to help but not the courage) the worste evil of them all and never worthy of forgivenenss.

From a distance I can see everything that happens around me
from up in my tower I sit so high feeling protected from your prying eye
I see things that make no sense children in chaos and parents with no power
the child is in charge and the parent quivers in fear of the government.
Yes the government who tells us what we can eat, how much we can drink and how we must raise the chil we gave birth to.
Long gone are the days of individual freedoms, for we all owe the piper a debt we will never pay. Tremble thats right tremble in fear for the direction we head is anything but clear. hold your family close and your guns closer, God protoect us as we try to achieve cotrol of our lives and our future's. May our children find the way to sanity and reality.
I wish for you all is to find peace and to no fall into the hole the government is digging for it looks like nothing more then a mass grave. this is dug by the greedy, corrupt and easily swayed from they're own convictions., selling our souls for a piece of the money.
We are ready to blame big buisiness and democrats and republican but we all are a part of this mess and must live with the fate we may not have wanted but sure as heel got. So to you crooked politicians and corrupt business men we know who you are and are watching your every move. and America all races, creeds, sexes and religous conviction grow some ***** stand for wht is right and dont sell your children and grand children out for a free T.V. and cell phone have some self respect.

Shall I freely forgive a betrayal of love
Do i forget the whimsical way you sought another
Will the taste of disgust ever be removed from my memory's
You say your sorry
You said it was a mistake
You mention love for me as if hurt never existed
Those words so easily roll from your lips but do they really say anything
Is this revenge for previous hurt and previous pain
I will never know
You chose your path and made your choice
You couldn't commit to me so you ran to him
Do I trust you again it will take time to know the extent of the damage
Trust is earned and when **** on and disrespected it is taken back
When you lose trust it is impossible to get it all back

Why does death elude me
does it no longer hunt me like a lion to it's pray
the sweet sleep is so far away, outside of grasp.
The overwhelming feeling f reponsability impedes my plan
and my mind feverishly attempts to find a way to disolve the promise
and responsabilities owed.
To decide the way to face death is another decision
should it be peacful and fade into a quiet slumber
should it be quick and one painful
I find myself lacking the courage to take that final step, to pull that triger or take that extra pill
I ate my life and the constant strugle
I hurt everyone I know and can't keep the one's I love
I lose them to death and to my inabiltiy to look outside my of me
There is nothing to ook foreward to nothing that will change my life for the better
So I continue with my prayers to be taken from this turmoil and grief to stop hurting others in my life with one last pain and loss, the loss of me

Where are you sweet peace
I long for you long sleep into the endless night
oh dear heart can you quietly go into the darkness
fear not the loss of breath, for peace lays beyond the last gasp of pain
lay still and fain darkness for it is the true and only peace
to all who I have caused hurt and pain I can never be sorry enough
I pray your peace will come though it has eluded me