The morning sun trickles through the curtains as a reminder of another day begins
finding the rhythm of life an echo of days past, just a picture out of time unable to break the
cycle of days leading to the recycling of moments of prior.
To hope and pray for a change to change my life to make me new was no where to be found. Placed my hope some thought to be safe, but not the case found pain and sadness in their wake. Anger, fighting, regret and mistreatment  lead to exhaustion and feelings of coldness and emptiness.
When realization sparked like a light bulb going off in my head. This for all of it's faults was my prayer answered a change in my life to change my stagnant life and give it some heat good, bad or indifferent. So watch for the answers to your prayers they may not be as obvious as we think they should be.

Have you ever noticed life is a repetitive set of circumstances
one follows the other, with what seems to be a never ending
path of destruction, or blessing.
For what seems like a decade it has been raining a drizzle here
a spritz there. Enough to make me damp but not enough to soak me through.
As of late say the last two year I have been in a repeating cycle of a tropical depression.
Recently my heart was broken by the only woman I would trust with .
So as I started this statement (for this aint not poem) when it rains it pours but in
My case the ***** stole my umbrella.
So take this for what it is love it or hate it these are the nonsensical ramblings of a heart broken fool to lost in his own storm to see the light of day, longing for peace and for god sakes a little sunshine wouldn't hurt.

Oh selfish heart how can you lie
you love me then say good-bye
I wonder the wisdom in your choice's of life
Will you miss me when I am gone
will you notice when my arms aren't around you.
to abuse the love your given so freely so endless
for your own selfish desire for your own selfish world
you turn your heart away and change my love to a
hatred not felt before.
would never have thought I could hate you so
but now it safe to say you let me go
though I hate it and my heart is hurt
when love and hate collide no one survives
so enjoy you life do what you want
and when you finally slow down and start to look
around you will see yourself alone never to be happy always alone
may you see your path before you lose it all with no one and nothing to call yours

The choice is made the mode unsure with the taunting call of death ringing in my ears beckoning imploring me come.
Making the end seem all the more alluring I reach for the gun once so feared but now embraced by my callased hand
I deserve and crave deaths cold hand, I have lost so many including the love of my life,caused so much pain that iI am due.
To hear the sounds as the bullets are loaded sounds like the loss of seconds on the clock. With every bullet memory of those lost and pain I have caused.
The clip is full though only one would be needed, I stare at this instrument of death contemplating what it will feel like as the bullet pierces the skull and destroys my memory.
To those left behind I am sorry for the one last pain but u will quickly forget about me and move on with your lives be happy.
So I pick it up set my mind as to not back out, unlock the trigger And load the one round into the barrel the slowly I reach for the trigger shaking and scare but determined now is the time good bye

Loss of love with slow unintentional barbs and pokes
I have failed to nourish and cherish the love I have been blessed with
A lie no matter how small is a lie, why is the truth so hard to face so elusive to the conversation.
Why do I insist on hiding stupidity when it always finds its way out into the open to destroy what is fragile and easily sacrificed on a daily basis it seems my love for you.
What is lost is not easily found your eyes must be open and your heart willing, I may never get another chance to love you my soulmate and for that I will grieve till my last day on this planet.
You cannot and will not be replaced , for I cannot replace half of me with prosthetic for it isn't real just a false accommodation to fill the hole left with the loss of you.
I will take this moment and every moment following to plead my love and beg forgiveness. The time has come to face the obvious I have lost my love, and know your gone. May you find love, honesty and happiness all you couldn't with me.
I will wait for the day my heart stops hurting, though I hope it never does so I can never forget the pain I caused you and pay my pentence for my sins against you.
I love you

The pain felt because of pride and the need to be superior
To revenge some wrong percieved is not right no matter how turned or explained
If you can't be supportive you are not needed so move on
When looking for death and trying to stay positive I must remove that which pushes me toward the goal of death.
Why, why would you do this or be this way you have hurt me more then I can forgive or ever forget. The one I love isn't supposed to hurt me or the ones I love, but to hold me up and support me but you can't.
So we are done with the petty self serving hatred you carry yourself in shadows living in darkness and emptiness. Though you won't be alone you will find some man willing to accept your hatred and anger ignoring their own self respect to accept hour abuse.

Why must we lose our love of love
Are we so busy to monitor where love is
Are we so jaded that we dont even care
Love seems to be on the endangered species list and quickly dieing out
When we as a society, people, or person must fight to keep love alive it makes one wonder if it was ever alive at all or stillborn from conception.
I for one choose to live with the belief that Love is alive and well just ignored for it's simplicity.
Life is complicated with stresses piling up making our lives chaotic as a hurricane
with love being the eye of the storm, with most of us being bliwn away and never reaching the eye seeing the peace and calm that comes with it. So strap yourself in life is a storm of chaos and complexity dont give in hold firm for you will soon be in the eye and see the storm in a whole new way