Ren Crostini

Ren Crostini Nov 2016

It's not his fault.
He doesn't really understand what he's saying.
He couldn't have meant it the way it seemed.
He just doesn't know.
It's not on purpose...

These phrases
These excuses
prevented me from seeing
my abuse.

**Don't let them blind you

Ren Crostini Nov 2016

Just me, Cleopatra

i dyed my hair black.
(well purple.
on accident
of course,
and then black to cover that)
but i love it.
but i was nervous to go home
because my parents choose to worry the most
when i am the happiest.
(my happy just must be different then theirs.)

anywayyyyyyy......

my hair is black
(potentially so is my soul
but who really knows)
and i saw an old frenimie
and do you know what that ******* said?
(quick. a little background:
this man loves to be feared,
will be the first to tell you he's an *******
and will never to admit to being your friend
but deep down is almost nice.)

"You look like Cleopatra!'
WELL DAVE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
i mean,
i know what you mean
but what are you saying?

but then,
looking back,
i just laugh because
my dear, sweet, ugly former manager/friend,
Cleopatra is known for her beauty.
You gave me SUCH
a nice compliment!
Like that's in the
Top Five Compliments I Have Ever Received.
so i think i'll leave it black for a while
but i can already see
some purple showing through...

seriously idk if he was trying to compliment me, but i thought it was sooooo nice! ps i think this poem is actually about loving yourself no matter how you change, even if there are some people in your life who wont accept you anymore)

Ren Crostini Nov 2016

Stepping Stone

there's no way I'd be here today if it weren't for you
thank you so much*

I know what you think you're thanking me for:
a shoulder to cry on
the movie nights
endless lunches
the family we made out of spoons at work one day
helping you move

Here's what I remember:
sleepless nights waiting for you to come home
hiding your blades
reassuring your mom you were "just fine"
you walking away with no thought
of what would happen to me

"No please, there's no need to thank me"
I didn't have to help lift you at all
because you just
stepped on me
with no thought at all

the only person you can ever truly save is you

Ren Crostini Oct 2016

Easy

some one said
"love is not just cuddling before bed and making dinner together,
its yelling and fighting
and getting sick of each other"
and I disagree completely.

Falling in love with you was so easy

I didn't even know it had happened until I
was already there
and I looked around.
I'd been there for a while,
one of my blankets left on your couch
and some of my socks mixed with yours.
And every day we just mix a little more.

Now all the plates and bowls and glasses
are ours
You do the laundry and I fold it when its done.
We only play fight and the only response to
"Have I done something?"
is "oh baby i love you no no no"
and it comes with a warm body wrapped around yours.

I've picked you for life and I didn't really mean to
but it was so easy
and it still is
I love you more every day
(every second really)
I know it won't always be this easy
but working things out will always be easier
than walking away from you.

Ren Crostini Sep 2016

I Need Thicker Bones

I am often surpised
by how deeply
I can be hurt.
Often I forget
that not all of me
is skeleton.
Your pain is greater than mine?
Make sure
to stab me
at least one more time.
Or at least
til we're even.

My mom asked for my house key back. Don't worry, that's not my home anymore.

Ren Crostini Jul 2016

...Love?

I am not sure what this is
Yes I'm talking about this poem
But I'm talking about this life too
And this.... Love?
I am not sure what this is

I have been in love before
But this is soooo different
We are so different
We are together
But neither wishes to define it
I am not sure what this is

You grew up in a different world than mine
My mom avoids "unnatural hair colors"
And when you run out of drugs you just
Ask your mom to use some of hers
See what I mean about different worlds?
I am not sure what this is

The second time I got drunk
Like flat out
Fall down
Cry for no reason
Only remember flashes the next morning
Drunk
You held me up and put me in bed
But right before
You held me tight
And tears spilled from your eyes
As you told me I was different
As you said you were so afraid you would ****
Everything up
I didn't think we would ever be anything serious
I am not sure what this is

My cousins think you look
Like a gangster
Not even gonna lie
You definitely do
I wear ******* diamond earrings
Real ones
I still go to church with my family
When I'm not busy
With you
I am not sure what the **** this is

I know this poem is super long
And it's more a jumble of thoughts
I am not sure
You could even call it a poem
But
I am not sure what this is
And I am not sure who to ask
I am not sure what to do
And I am not sure what to think of you
Is this...love?
I am not sure what this is

Guys help me out cause I really don't know

Ren Crostini Jun 2016

Again?

I am reminded
On a
Daily
Basis
Of why I have
Trust issues

Thank you to some of the worlds ******* friends