i look down.
i see myself.
i see my emotions
collecting dust
on a shelf.
i seem untouched
and "so distant."
i feel a glassy sheen
hover above my skin.
i know that's what
people think.
i understand
that they only get
almost me.
i wish
for someone
to break the glass.
i won't believe in love
until
i find someone
to find
me.

let me step in front of you.
there is nothing to see.
forget the rest of the world,
it's just you and me.
I'll take the responsibility of being a shield.
you don't need to hear what they say.
it doesn't matter
because none of it is true.
don't think of them.
focus on me
if given the chance
you would succeed
and they would see.
as it so happens to be
chances are unreliable
unlike me.
a protector I will be
and though I will always be there for you...
I just hope I can protect me too

i sit & watch
the beautiful
aspen tree.
it is covered
in wonderful
brown and yellow
butterflies.
they lazily
open & close
their wings.
the whole tree seems to be
swaying & dancing.
i wouldn't be
surprised if it
up-rooted itself
& pranced away.
i take a step closer
& the magical illusion
falls away.
there are no butterflies.
nothing but leafs
that bend
& sway.

No.
As a child
this Word drove me
CRAZY.
No cookies.
No movies.
"No. Go play outside."
I often wondered,
is that all they can say?
Now I am older
and I have fallen in love
with the Word
No.
No, I won't change.
No, that's not me.
"No. If you don't like my
decision, you can leave."
No.
It's one Word
I'm not afraid to use.

dark shadows reach for me
tears ***** my eyes and scorch my throat.
i push
it all
away.
i look up
and see myself.
A mirror.
i glare.
i shoot daggers into my own skin.
but there's no real pain/
it eats me
from the inside out
so no one can see.
i lift the mirror.
i walk out,
down the hall,
stomp down the stairs,
push open the front door
and step onto cool cement.
i lift the mirror
above my head
and slam it down.
no sound has EVER brought me
such
satisfaction.
in the broken pieces, i see myself.
i want to swear
and rant
and rave
but nothing will change.
because sometimes
i really hate myself
and when i look in the mirror
i see it reflected
over and over
again