Timothy Kenda

Timothy Kenda Feb 2015

Help you

Sometimes I look into your eyes and I see
All the pain of years gone past
Flash throughout the synapses of your brain
So I pray to false gods that you'll be okay
Because the world we live in can't afford to lose another beautiful soul like you
I wish I could hold you tightly in my arms
And make it so that there is nothing wrong
Open up your eyes to the light that shines
During the daylight of our time that we spend here on this earth
But instead I just see your hurt
Your chemical attempts to make it all make sense
Your downcast eyes betray your lack of confidence
And while to me you could be nothing but heaven sent
The rose colored glasses you once wore have dimmed down into grey
The question creases across your face as you wonder
"Will I be okay?"
There is nothing more that I would want than for that to be the case
The world will fall apart if it was to lose your beauty
Like grains of sand when the tide comes in
I would disintegrate and wash with the refuse out to sea
Please help me help you be happy before
We both simply cease to be

Timothy Kenda Feb 2015

Adriana

I'm sure if he could tell you one last time that he loved you
He would do anything he could to make that happen
But Adriana, your daddy's gone, and all I can say is that it wasn't your fault
He lost his fight with the monsters in his head
And all I can convey is how much he loved you every second you were alive
When he spoke your name the light shined in his eyes
And he smiled
There is nothing I can do to help heal your pain
You miss him so much, and I miss him too
When he isn't around to take care of you, reach out into the air
He is silent and smiling and he'll be standing right there
And though you can't picture the light in his eyes
Please know that they shined brighter than all the stars in the sky
They shined that bright for you

Timothy Kenda Jun 2014

thoughts

Staring at the silence that you made
The same silence that destroyed you while I was away
And today I heard nothing
Just the screaming of your voice
But that might as well be silence because I didn't have a choice
And the best things are gone only our memories plod along
Singing of all that went wrong in our melancholy songs
Do you know what it's like to dig a hole so deep
That from inside it just looks like a grave?
Do you know what it's like to run out of tears to weep
Because you know you cannot be saved
My life is so ******* depraved, then there's you
The anchor to my chain pulling me down, being blue
I used to swim against it, now there's nothing I can do
But watch it all turn to black as I separate from whats true

Timothy Kenda Jun 2014

Bad timing

I had to meet you now, at this period in my life
One marked by so much insecurity and strife
Because I swear any other time I'd set all this right
And cut you a place in the fabric next to me with a knife
And we would forever be fine, and forever be free
And forever be happy like we're supposed to be
But the problem is mine, and I know you can see
It's inevitable that time will throw it's shadow upon me
And I'll go away, whether by night or by day
And you'll be left lying
Alone in the fray
An unforgivable reminder of the price I must pay
For all of the stupid games I decided to play
As I look upon all of your poise and your grace
The emotions and feelings that flicker over your face
I need to show you I'll be there even while I'm away
And a perfect life is possible, just a little delayed
So though I can't say it's possible, you have nothing to fear
I refuse to accept it's impossible that one day I won't be able
To call you my dear

Timothy Kenda Apr 2014

Dreams

We were barely half asleep
As you crawled from bed
So cute and drowsily, another day
Filled with pure joy
And you looked at me so coy
As I leaned in for a kiss then you were

GONE
And I snapped awake in my cold sweat
All alone with nothing left and so I broke down
And wandered aimlessly trying to jump back
Into that dream I wanted right back in that scene
What does it mean
Oh god just take me already
Dispose of this ******* husk
And as sure as at the end of all the days come all the dusk
And if I must I will do whatever it takes
Stick a needle in my veins just to orchestrate
My escape so let me slowly slip away
Back to that dream into that scene
Back to a happier time and place where I was
Not yet a disgrace
Where I could see the smile on your face
Where we were happy, and carefree
And had all the love there could be
Before I was all alone
Before my heart was set in stone

Timothy Kenda Apr 2014

Deep

The crushing depths below
Suffocating in their innocence
Now it's too late to repent
As I struggle
No breath
Reaching for the surface
And I yearn
For your touch
Just one more time
My eyes affix
On the promise we once shared
But I drown all alone
You are no longer there
Do you know that
I still care
As I die, lack of air

Timothy Kenda Apr 2014

Afraid of You

It haunts me in my dreams
And it kills me in my sleep
Oh I am so afraid yes I am so ashamed
What could it all mean
Black scars that run so deep
Transgressions of my past in my heart that I do keep
Yes I am so afraid and forever so ashamed
Does it make me weak to know that
I can't speak your name soft and slow
Without the searing pain of blame
Welling up in my chest, it makes me so **** depressed
Of your name I am afraid
Of our end I am ashamed