MY MASK

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind this gigantic lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
As though I was missing a larger part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to always be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I am still searching
For the one thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For that person who'll wipe away my tears.

But until then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I have learned to wear.
Just hoping for the day I will be able to smile,
Until then, I'll be right here hanging around for awhile.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER

Seconds, minutes, hours and days go by
I have to count every minute and don’t know why
Cleaning, dusting, washing and planning
All must be done or moving on is just not happening

Routines and rituals are a daily task
Why can’t I escape it I have to ask
Things have to de done in a certain way
Or, I am truly afraid things won’t be okay

Checking and rechecking consume my day
It’s difficult to keep my daily rituals at bay
Things I own always have their proper place
Or, I cannot relax in my very own space

Doing things out of order will just not do
Moving things slightly makes me crazy, too
No matter how hard I try to refrain
Actions are overridden by my own brain

I am told this is one of my mechanisms to cope
If I’m not careful, I will be hung by my own rope
I can only take this one day at a time
But, if I continue to work on it, I should be just fine.

THE COYOTES’ MESSAGE

You never know when you’ll see one
They pass quietly through the night
Keep your eyes and ears open
And, one or two will come into sight

So quickly they come and go
Moving with a mystic kind of grace
Once they see you, they’ll turn around
Slinking away at a quickened pace

You are one of the fortunate ones
They allowed you to see their face
Quietly into the night they will go
Returning to their den without any haste

As you see them leaving
You look up to the sky
Thanking God for what you just saw
He chose you to see them but you wonder why

He has a message for you
He uses the coyotes to spread the news
What are you waiting for
You have nothing to lose

He promises everything will be alright
Let go of the past and begin anew
It is time for you to move on with your life
Just like the coyotes returning home will do

THE SIMPLE LIFE

I’m not made to live in the big city
My job had kept me here-what a pity
I wanted to be a social worker or a monk
Instead ended up in business and was ultimately sunk

My compassion, caring and loving heart
Knew I had to leave to find a new part
It wouldn’t be easy that’s for sure
But it had to be done for me to endure

So, I left the fast paced business world I was in
In the long run it was sure to be a win
I took time off to clear my mind
I was breaking down and needed to unwind

I now know it’s not all about that mighty dollar
It’s so much more than wearing those starched collars
Be more comfortable and be more free
Who cares if you don’t use your degree

Life’s too short to worry yourself sick
Find something simpler-take your pick
The simple fact is your life here is meant to be happy and kind
So, take control of your life and that new job won’t be hard to find

THE SUNFLOWERS

On the way to the store today
I decided to buy a packet of seeds
They had to be for giant sunflowers
Or else I would really have no need

As I strolled the aisles of the store
I came upon exactly what I was looking for
The packet said they’d grow to be six feet tall
Aiming toward the sky they would surely soar

I took the seeds out and they were oh so very small
How in the world were they going to grow to be so tall?
I took my time and planted each and every seed
In a straight row they went as if to form a floral wall

I watered and waited and even watered some more
Until one day I awoke and saw that they had broken ground
It seemed like they were growing at least a foot a day
One morning I arose and there were buds to be found

Each bud was compact and as tight as it could be
How in the world would they be able to open
Their petals were bent in with no where to go
They looked like they could explode but I knew not when

Today I woke up and was amazed at what I saw
Overnight the tucked away petals had burst open with pride
Big, bright yellow sunflowers were here at last
One little flower seed created sunflowers at least six inches wide

WORRY

I cannot seem to stop the constant worry
As I navigate through my own complicated life.
My brain is always in such a **** hurry
To find the answers to all the future strife.

How will I manage to care for myself
When all the others are dead and gone?
I have no money or friends with any sort of wealth,
No one to help me get by with every break of dawn.

It scares me that I might be out on the streets
Living in the elements with nowhere to call a home.
I envision my feet blistering from any excessive heat
Continually walking aimlessly with no free space to roam.

Is there anyone out there that truly cares,
Or am I left to myself to do it all on my very own?
Will anyone come forward and invite me to share
Something as simple as a meal or even a phone?

The only way to get through this is to have great faith in God.
He will watch over me as long as I continue to believe.
I must learn to let it all go by acknowledging Him with a single nod
Trusting He knows where He is taking me and He will never leave!

***-PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, SEXUALLY

I have been abused more than I have ever let on
Physically, mentally, and sexually-it was all very wrong
I’ve tried my best to come to terms with it all
It just sickens me that I alone had to take the fall

Abuse is the worst as it causes hidden pain
You never know when the memories might start to rain
Falling like drops from the ever darkening sky
Soaking you with visuals that make you want to cry

Once you have come to terms with what truly has occurred
Be sure you talk to someone and make yourself  heard
Talking it out can relieve the building steam
Of those ugly memories contained in your many dreams

Stay strong while you relive the past
Knowing your ugly thoughts are not meant to last
Prayer and counseling can surely help
With this ugly hand you have randomly been dealt

It will take time to feel entirely whole again
Step by step-it’s just the way you must begin
Close your eyes-be free from the pain
Dream of happy things-its goodness will keep you sane