Every time I put in more work I get less in return
Somehow I don't think this is a lesson I need to learn
Growing up has never felt like this but where do I begin?
I'm at a point where I ask myself why do I need friends if all beginnings have endings?
Could it be that these friends or myself are transcending  
Past the point of them spending
Anytime with me anymore, how do you know a friendship is ending
It feels more like a facebook friend request, I'm just pending..
I don't blame others for anything they don't want to do
It's just been a while since I've had a friend to talk to
When I reach out it feels like I'm asking for a handout
and everyone's got their hands full
Not one to call bull, but I need to pull
Myself from this hole in my heart that tends to make me miserable
Sometimes I ask myself why or what did I do to be like this
But the truth is I'm more than fine just confused by it
It being this constant narrative where it's me versus me
There seems to be no one around my immediate 360
I use all my strength each day to work the hardest, safest, and most efficient as I can be.
I'm not saying no one is but who is there to reciprocate that energy?
For those times I need to look up and someone needs to be my guide
For the times I want to run and go hide
I don't want to do this that or even the other
Sometimes I felt like I never had a Mother.
Mine loves me to death, she is the greatest and got me this far
Sometimes I ask why because even she doesn't have the answers I need and when times get this hard
I try not to dwell but I also dwell
Rare times where I trap my thoughts inside of this negativity cell
All boxed up filled with explosive emotions
On a good day enough to part seas and oceans
All I need is a checkup, not one from any doctor
Perhaps the ones that put it all on the table
that don't proclaim it's their final offer

You havent madd it yet, they call you legendary
Hows it feel to have the skill and state of rap to carry
Like what's the deal cant find the real this has to be imaginary
The way these clowns come put it down, situations rather scary
You havent made it yet they call you legendary

Growing up with ghost wasnt an easy thing to do, for both of us the hardest part was getting someone to believe in you.

Never sell yourself short before you grow
The world is upset but it'll get better though
They told me to dive right in, I only dipped my toe
Where you end up on this wild ride you may never know
You gotta brace yourself  for no matter what it brings
Just know out there are some better things

In this place we roam I've become a lost soul
A place where familiarity and routine has a strong hold
Everyone is to do what their told
Until you've made enough money to grow old...

I want to write again dont know where to start
Always looked at words as a sacred art
Like a book whose pages have been thumbed through a million times
So others can keep refining and keep this art alive
I dont blame people who give up on it, I know how it can get
Some people only use it as an outlet
Isn't this crazy but I'm not like people I'm lazy
Nothing special about why I tend to use a book mark I dont like to thumb through
I like to dissect refine and renew
I hope by the time my new poems hit the surface
My writing will provide other with a sense of purpose