One day I hope to feel
Not so lost without you, not so
Broken into pieces, scattered too thin across creation
My heart weeps to read your silk but it has been so long since you have written
I will stop checking, I will stop refreshing your page like something will materialize, some confession about that wild boy you decided to start missing
Like you'd suddenly grow new sentiment, years later
I swear I will pick myself off the floor
I won't see you in everything that smells like summer
One day I will move on
I will be okay without you

I experience the world in neon
I stare at the bright, bold colors, mouth open in awe every time I see them as if it's the first
I will fall in love with something new shamelessly every day until the day I die
Play a sweet song and I am ecstatic, I am dancing, I am emanating light and life and joy from my fingertips
Tell me a story with heart and I will hang onto every intricacy, hold close every character
Tomorrow I will be chasing a different star in a different direction
So I may not ever get anywhere, but that's not really the point
I will never run out of things to chase
You may tell me this wonder is immaturity
But one day you will have the light clasped between your palms, escaping through your fingers and you will not feel the warmth and you will not know the beauty
and what then?

things were so simple but then they got messy
i couldn't stop screaming
you covered your ears, then you left me
and i miss you so much some times it feels like im dying
and sometimes i'd rather than live a life without you beside me
remember the times we had? remember how perfectly we fit?
you were my everything
the guiding star to my ship
and i loved you loved you loved you
i look back at the days when we were everything
but it all got so messy

things were so simple then

today I woke with a bad start and I pushed my way through the quicksand of the morning,
sleeping in isn't an option for my 4 am shift life and a good night's sleep is called showing up late for work
it took a week for 9 am to become 10
and everything felt so slow that I ran a red light without noticing on the way home
I am drowning at 1:30
the afternoon sun taunts me for crawling back into bed but I don't have the energy to fight this today
feel my throat close up and I cry for no reason again
eat lunch from a microwave pouch
'cause I don't have the energy to leave the house for fast food
I will only be awake for  7 more hours today
I am sure that I will waste every second dreading tomorrow
when it all resets just to replay

the taste of lonely lingers on my lips like my last kiss, 6 or so years ago,
like blood seeping weakly through cracks, like salt and iron
it feels like i have been alone forever

once i held a firework in my hands
and the colors were so pretty
and i got so, so burned
i still have the scars
but i'm begging for the heat

tell me you adore me
and i'll sit at your feet
while the water rises

love me desperate ***** like we're dying like i'll leave you tomorrow though we both know i won't love me burning up at your touch love me groveling love me sick it's all i know but i'll take anything over lonely

I roll over to hush my alarm and swear I'll quit my job today, every day
Eye twitching, hands shaking, vision unclear and gaze unsteady
Falling all over myself until I fall asleep uneasy
Here comes 3:30,
Looming over me
So I rise before the sun
Roll over to hush my alarm
And swear I'll quit my job today
But I'll swear the same tomorrow

it's the first time you've washed your hair in a week and it comes out in clumps
you stare at the water and try not to think about who you've become
scrubbing away the sweat and dead skin
moving lightly over the bruises where you've struck yourself
watch it all go down the drain