i don't know why i write so much
mediocre words jumbled together in a desperate need for expression i suppose
sometimes i wish you'd sit down and read my spirit right out of me
and maybe i'd finally feel heard, seen
*this is a cleansing
my scars and soft spots bared to you
i curl in on myself as the world blinks innocently
this is a cleansing

my bones urge me to
reach out, reach towards you
bear an honest to god broken smile
tell you how violence lives in the back of my mind in a whisper
tell you my will is as thin as paper
dissolve slowly in your arms
but you're so far away
and i have to find a way
to do this on my own
force myself to be okay
gotta stop getting you caught up in my
messy hot glue strings

I guess I live life moment to moment
Not so much in a spontaneous way
I'm just waiting for something to happen
I need a change of pace
Less time spent breathing in and breathing out moments with no action
Time slipping through my fingers like sand
Time not spent but wasted
So I wait for the change to come to me and cross my arms and sigh
There's gotta be a domino I can tip somewhere
I wanna live life moment to moment
I wanna laugh real and bright and true
Appreciate my friends and kiss you
And run down the streets like we're kids again
But objects at rest tend to stay at rest
For now I'll curse inertia and dream of carbonated spirits

Did you know you smell like home?
I can't really describe it any other way,
It's something so you,
And sometimes I'll catch it in the air and remember nights spent in your basement and my backyard and our endless kingdom.
I wonder if it's normal to recognize scents,
Not too unlike the warm and sweet air in the kitchen where cookies are baking
Except I always feel a little bad
Because i haven't quite convinced myself it's okay to love you this much.

And do you notice
The weight that fills the silence
When i take too long to send a short reply with any simple message?
It takes a lot for me to stop
To keep a clear head
If I don't focus I might slip up and call you baby
Darling, sweet, my love

Gotta get it into my thick skull somehow
You are not my love
You are not my love
You are not my love
And you are not my home
I backspace, can't call you baby
I know, I know
It's too much
I'm sorry

Something sick, unfair inside me says please love me
Says think of me, talk to me, write for me
Says I need you like oxygen so tell me you need me too
And it happens around the same time of night, ever night
Something sick, unfair awakens
And the whispers grow louder
And *I wish I'd just die