Today it was hard to breathe .
I wished for an escape and
I got one.
The feelings temporary.
That I know.
Blood Bubbling in my veins.
Baby, take me home.
Crooked smiles side ways glances
we don't believe in eating
we live off of sunlight and each other
your scent tangles with mine
legs interlocking like this is life or death.
as if we may slip away

I am
    cold and collected
most of the time.
  I swallow every salty tear
as soon as is crawls up my throat.

I feel no pain while I am interacting with you.
But after we go our separate ways
The blue consumes me in waves.
crashing up against my  
                                    chest.
  
The Void . I feel it coming back.

Feeling useless
  knowing i'm worthless
No purpose.

I'm a worker bee
for my family
    Its always something different
I'm a house wife
cleaning and organizing till i feel better
about who i see
       when i look into the mirror
I'll never see clear
Fog
     encompasses my sight

Wrestling with my self
always in this personal hell
cigarettes make my lungs tight : still a delight.

This over played day is out of date
if you wait too long , it might be too late.
To save me from this fate.

Sadness slowly being replaced
Anger bites my tongue every time I speak
Keep telling myself that i'm weak

Sunlight burns my eyes
Careful now, you may see through my poor disguise
My mask is cracking.
But if I keep laughing
no one will notice my smoke signals
Getting out of this hell
yet every time i've fallen
i slide back into comfort
          lets see,
how can i make this work ?
rearranging my wires , till i've fixed one short.
Still
       not
            enough.

Slipping off
into secret desires
pleasures to help  me forget
my self loathing.
Trying to get away from
                                   self.
My reality a poorly written fiction
           I happen to be the biggest mistake
I swallow my heart ache for breakfast