I've won the game that no girl ever wants to win.
The 'I love you more' game.

I don't cut my skin with sharp objects because i find it fun
Or for attention
Nor because i want to die.
In fact I very much want to be alive.
But because there's pain in my veins.
Pain that wants to escape.
And who am I
To not let it?

Just like a dream
It took so long to get you
But you went so
Fast

I thought you were my sun.
But my opinion on you changed
When i saw that the flowers still bloomed
When you left.
Morning still came
when you left.
And there was still warmth
When you left

"You deserved so much better  than him anyway"
I know i deserved better than being ignored,
Left on read,
And treated as i never existed.
But,
I don't want any better.
I want him.
I want his cute smile
His cheesy jokes
His gorgeous hazel eyes.
I may deserve better;
But I love him.

10:50 p.m.
Its 10:50 p.m.
And while id rather be laying down dreaming,
Im currently awake sitting in the corner of my room yet again.
With my knees tucked to my chest
and i can feel the teardrops fill my eyes and roll down my face.

10:53 p.m.
It's now 10:53 p.m. and what was just a few tears escaping my eyes is now waterfalls of tears falling down my face
as i struggle to keep in the screams of pain that  have built up over time.
I wonder if i should just leave this place.
Im sure that no one would mind.

11:11 p.m.  
It is now 11:11 p.m.
Wishing time.
While everyone is wishing for a certain someone,
I'm wishing that you never came into my life.
Im wishing that i could get you and your manipulative self out of my head because if you dont i may just wind up dead.

11:16 p.m.
Its now 11:16 p.m.
And what once was just a short time lapse has turned into a relapse.
A relapse bringing me back to my dark days.
The days where i never felt enough or accepted.
The days where i felt like everyone but me what perfected.
But with you i grew from those days.
But look what you have now caused.
And it all started at 10:50 p.m.

Your new girl.
I bet shes beautiful.
I bet i could never even compare to her tan skin and blonde hair;
But,
On the nights when your parents are arguing is she gonna be there?
To hold you whilst you cry
And play with your hair?
Did she pray to have you
Or were you just another person to come through?
I needed you.
She wanted you.
Can you tell the difference?

If I were a flower,
i'd be a daisy.
Because i also tear myself apart
wondering if you love me, or if you love me not.

What a shame that you thought the others and I were just the same.
Its your loss, baby.