I was a star in your sky
that refused to get old
then I was the blue on your bread
when you scraped away the mould

After Lewis
Anger raged within me like the seas had just kissed the moon
You sailed on hypothyroid emotions
within the eye of my bipolar brain’s monsoon

After Lewis
We didn’t bother to change a thing
wound each other up like a yo-yo
and we watched each other spin

After Lewis
I was still tired from the mirror
because only now it gave me daily beatings
telling me I needed to be thinner

And it was only after Lewis
that I realised it was too late
I had done too much damage
and caused you too much heartache

dishes fly across the kitchen
food climbs the walls that I want to escape
a beer scented storm screams into my baby face
as my mouth is closed from fear and not tape

my body is frozen in statue
just an inanimate object with a beating heart
lost property of my father
as I am torn gently apart

hands on my skin
my eyes glued to the hands of the clock

i wish they’d made me a body

a body

with a lock

I am relentless, obsessive
when I am screaming into the hardened face of this cliff
but is there anybody here to listen?
or talk me out of it
over a spliff?

Yet, I only have one purpose
one desire, one selfish wish
and that is to find what it is that we’ve lost —
the thing that what was missing when we shared our last kiss

I will continue to throw my light
into the shadows of your doubtful, ‘made up’ mind
and I will light up it’s beautiful skylines
until it’s the real you that I can find  

You don’t have to see this through
this path to which you have committed;
sometimes it’s braver to just admit the defeat
and let your soul be aquitted

Why should I just give up searching?  
when I know you want more  
I promised I would never give up fighting
for things I did not value before  

I will dig my weatherbeaten feet  
into the bed of this sea
until you turn around and you listen  
and sail right back home to me

If you didn’t want me to speak
then why didn’t you perform a tracheotomy?
or saved yourself the trouble
and just given me a lobotomy?

I guess it doesn’t even matter
because he’ll pretend that he didn’t see

and as soon as he asks
you’ll just pretend that it wasn’t me

Was the day I spoke to your mother  
about the carcasses we saw of fluffy animals
I wish I’d have told her how much it meant
that she even wanted me there

You looked so beautiful by the Derwent that day
I should have pulled you behind that fir tree
the one the squirrel danced around
and I should’ve just kissed your lips

I think you lost your heart at the Derwent
because I haven’t seen it since
but I still leave the taps running in this house
so it can find it’s way back home

Do I only belong to early hours
and having meaningless connections
under disco ball reflections?

Would I have kept my next of kin
if I had managed to keep myself thin?

I am being carried into morning
by the spirits that do not live in hell
and if i pricked my finger would it even break the spell?

three **** yellow strands
stand up on edge
at the sight of a basic boy
that could be pushed from a ledge

he ponders and he wonders
what lonely has yet to become
while through a fake easy smile
he's showing far too much gum

you may persue the same religion
but that book is mine
that is my holy bible
that you've got tucked neat between your thigh

my hand written annotations
will remain splashed across it's pretty pages
and my tear-stained droplets
will still be there when it beautifully ages

so you can read it, you can rip it
you can even tear out the middle
but my name will always be inside it
because we ****** so hard in riddle

You pull the wool over his dull eyes
every single time that we speak
and while you won’t give me back your heart
you won’t give it to him to keep

So you still refesh me by the hour
and call me up late at night
and though you’re doing me no wrong
You aren’t doing him no right

I see that you were Jaywalking
down a dead end North East road
but Bible’s have never belonged  
amongst the books on the Highway Code

We can get the Walker man off our path  
and back in fifties Kansas where he should stay  
and I’ll be the one to cross you over to safety
in the me and you kinda way

So, who needs a car?
even in this inclement weather  
when the journey was always my favourite part
because our hands lock perfect together

You can still chose your crossing
and I will always give you the choice
still I regret the times
that I silenced your beautiful voice

in passing they were
beside the corner next to the monument
two strangers that had already met
who would one day become strangers again

and he found him at the monument
when he saw what he wanted
the beauty of his lover shined back then
and now it's starting to shine again

he kept the image of him inside his head
for months and months he waited
because he could not let him go
and he had to make him his

and one day they will cross paths again

at monument