We smoked a cigarette in Durham
As we watched the city glisten
I was undiagnosed then
but you didn’t want to listen

So though you keep on judging
while you are waiting for me to plead
my insanity was an honest defence
that you didn’t bother to read

I spoke to a man over coffee
who said his grandmother also had ‘thyroid
said it nearly ruined her marriage
because the doctor couldn’t fill the void

I went with such an ease
So they didn’t need to place me under section
If I knew how much he was hurting you
I would have murdered my own reflection

For years we spoke only of me
like **** all else mattered
We had all forgotten your mental health
and we all left you scattered

Do you remember at the hospital window
when it fogged from either side?
My words couldn’t reach you then
but with these poems I still try.

you may persue the same religion
but that book is mine
that is my holy Bible
that you've got tucked neat between your thigh

my hand written annotations
will remain splashed across it's pretty pages
and my tear-stained droplets
will still be there when it beautifully ages

so you can read it, you can rip it
you can even tear out the middle
but my name will always be inside it
because we ****** so hard in riddle

I could look through the greenest fields
and I could search all of the golden beaches
I could fight in the wars
Put out official statements—or speeches

I could turn each single stone
and go through every dusty attic
Until the end of time
when the world becomes static

But I will never find another
who I would want more than you
Because even without you under my sun
you still paint my skies blue

A companion is a gift;
A flower,
And a lily.

They bark and fight the gate
Because they know they are silly.

They thud the floor with their wagging tale
while they are giving you side eye
But there is comfort in their presence
and they never ask us why

Taking on horses
Because she had way more character
Her foolish bravery
She’s lucky it didn’t savage her

But even when they are gone
They will always be with you
So I’m sure they thank you for the years
That you were always true

So please don’t be sad
Here’s to our dearest Lily
Always part of your family
And always so silly.

Play me some lullabies
But they won’t be sending me to sleep
And pass me some Zoppies
For my dreams I cannot keep

Withered and restless
Whilst I turn in the night
because even when I shut my eyes
I am as high as a kite