this is the end.
but dont be scared my love,
i promised to love you till the end of time.

i’ve taken up journaling.
spilling my feelings between thin lines and smudged ink.
although, my words are not articulate enough.
i don’t describe my feelings in a way that is poetic or neat, it is only human.
who am i preforming for?
if only my soul is to read these pages,
why must i put on an act?
why must my words of melancholy, rage, and hopefulness be reworked.
a beautiful home, without a foundation.

these are the days were the voices grow louder than my own thoughts
were the feeling of postmortem flutters through my head like a butterfly,
allowing my childhood thoughts to chase after it, with hope and light in their eyes
and all I can do is watch the light fade and the memories dissipate into thin air.
allowing myself to fall deeper and deeper into the thought

of postmortem.

as i laid there, my whole body shaking
struggling to breath
to talk
to hold my dinner down
you held me to your chest and sang.
and in that moment i realized
i fell even more in love with you
than the day i became,
the one you call your own

I laid there, looking at the slight lines in the star speckled sky where we traced out the constellations of our love wishing I could remember the day you left
the day I find vague and forgotten in the thin lines of time dotted with my tears.
the days we sat in my car and sang seems dark, contrasting to the bright memories of you.
I long to remember the day you left me, stranded in the stars
but as I sit at the bottom of this bottle I find it hard to remember a thing

it’s been 7 days, since i last heard your voice.

a tribute to us, i suppose.

the 7th of August, the day we fell in love.

the 7th of December, the day you came back.

7 days ago, the day you left again.

i’m starting to think it was written in the stars for us to only have a fleeting number of weeks together.
before one of us was bound to leave.

7 days in, will i ever hear your voice again?

deep within the ocean, only secrets lie.
the marine life will hear them,
whispers carried in the currant.

a lonely world, that must be.
to only live within secrets.
small promises whispered beneath moonlit sands,
hands clasped in the darkness.
kisses shared beneath stars.

secrets that travel beneath sea level.
infecting the waters with unfulfilled words and pleas.
a whole world of darkness,
deep in the depths.

where our secret still lies.

this place will always reside.
this place of love shown in
scrolls down the beach,
feral cats on my brothers street,
hugs when we first meet,
tear stains on my sheets.
this place will always be here,
just come back home and we can nurture it together

i have this feeling.
a rot, thats deep within my soul.
something that i cannot cut out, or heal away.

it grows around my organs and eats at my heart.
it feeds.
always feeding.

only your voice can stop the ache.
youll come back, wont you?
say you will, please.

and yet again,
my tears have become a sea

the sun failed to shine that day.
the ruby red roses failed to bloom
the sun failed to cast dancing shadows upon the streets
the clouds deteriorated into nothingness.
everything changed the day you left me.
and the sun still fails to shine upon my tear stricken face
abandoning the lit up the memories stored away
of simple me.

i drove down this road today
a road that’s tainted with your smile
your laugh
your eyes.
i drove until my eyes were blurry
and my lungs were aching.
even the trees sing your name,
throwing it around on a winter breeze.
you’re everything.
you’re everywhere.

I didn't tell my mom about you,
or pray to god.
I didn't write about you in secret spirals,
or sketch out pictures of you.
I told the stars about you,
about how you shine brighter than they ever could.
I told the sea about you,
how your eyes share its marvelous blue.
I told the earth about you,
how you make me feel like the only person on it.
I told the universe about you,
and it gave me you.

for the way he dances is as graceful as the angels voices.
the way his head moves, his hair following every direction his feet go.
his arms spin, his head nods, his fingers tap out the beat.
hes living in the moment, for the way he dances is so graceful,
how could i not fall for him.

i tend to get upset when people misunderstand me,
and when they cant truly read me as a human being.
but then i remember i made myself this way.
i built these walls up around my soul brick by brick.
i pulled the veil over my heart to make everyone turn away.
i am my own worst enemy

you make every star explode in prefect unison.
you make the sun dull.
the rivers dry out.
the earth turn slower,
and time run wild.
you make the world seem imaginary, and its beautiful.

i fall to my knees upon your thorns,
and you still dont want me.

not even after i picked out every spike with blood ridden fingertips.
how selfless of me..
to think youll want me

I've lived thousands of lives
walked thousands of places
talked to thousands of people
loved thousands with all my heart.
yet if I could do it all again,
I would chose to love you, even if its just for a second.

even though our world fell apart,
i can still look into your eyes and call them home..

till the days i dont have to feel sad songs in the pit of my stomach.
till the days i can look outside and see the world as something other than withered.
till the days i can breath without the wheeze.
i will continue to tell you im okay,
cause thats all im allowed to be.

i hope that the last hug you gave me
can continue to keep me warm for all these cold winter months to come
i fear, if not
i will freeze

when i stare at the sky searching for the dim moonlight i see your face in the stars.
when i look for seashells on the beach i see your face in the waves.
when i walk through the forest i see your face in the trees.
when im asked for my definition of perfect the first thing i see is you. your smile, your eyes, your hair, your shoulders.
i see you. youre my definition of perfect.
and no matter what you say, or do. you always will be

oh my love,
i will bring you to the most beautiful of places and kiss you desperately so everything once beautiful will remind you of me.
i will adore you so tenderly itll feel as if youll never be loved again.
i will make you crawl back to me,
and the storm that is my heart

i will always have a piece of you.
a piece that comes running back.
i will always have a way to make you crave my lips melting with yours.
to make you long to be tangled up with me in the middle of the night.
to make you need me.
every night
until you some how forget me
which you wont.
so go ahead, run on to the next one. and the next one. and the next one.
but i will always be here,
and you will always come back to me.

are you fighting for her or fighting for me
when you think of those eyes, whose do you see?
when you think of that voice, whose is the perfect key?
if you saw us both, would you run to me?
theres two sides to this battle,
and sadly i cant see,
where in the world,
you would choose me.

ive never been one to feel
but when your arms wrapped around me i saw the whole universe in my eyes
i saw the stars collide
i saw the oceans currents fold into one another
i saw the planets orbit
i saw the world in its pure and most beautiful form
thank you

my messages shine back bright green
depicting that you have moved on
while i am sadly chained to the thought of you on my skin

I get it.
the way red rivers flow
the way revines scar across your skin
the way your heart shatters and slashes your lungs
the way you get pushed last on the list
the way your smile fades when you see them
ive been there, I promise.
I understand your pain, your emptiness, your lack of hope
I understand you, and you're not alone.
you're never alone
I'm always here
you're okay angel

i’ve loved him for two years.
two years of hopeless pining.  
two years of whispered confessions.  
two years of secret glances and unspoken bonds.
there are times i feel our hearts thump together.
i hear them call eachothers names,
but to no avail.
my heart continuously calls out to you

can you hear it?

i hate this feeling.

the hole in my chest, pulsating and throbbing at the thought of you.
a broken promise, something reformed and remade every time we speak.

unrequited love. i know what this is.
i hate it more than i can physically describe.
i hate that you’ve done this to me again.

after months of intoxicated thoughts.
thousands of daydreams on a high.
weeks of sober tears.
i’ve decided that it’s better to be safe then sober.
cause when i’m sober i think of you,
but when i’m under the influence i remember you.

i long to feel what the people feel.
i want to feel the love,
the joy,
the excitement.
i want to feel the flood of emotions running through everyone’s veins.
everything but the pain,
for i already feel pain.
where did i go wrong

through all the tears and superstitions all i can tell myself is

"he'll never hurt me"

i’m not sure who you love
who you give your light to
who your eyes shine for
but i know it’s not me

you were my light at the end of a hallway.
but you were blown out.
leaving me stumbling through the dark

you already know my words before i speak.
you already know my heart feels weak without you.
you already know me.
just by looking me in the eye.
and it’s beautiful

and to think i would never break my own heart.

i feel like im drifting
through the clouds searching for you.
for the heart you laid in you open palm
for the bright eyed smile.
searching, prodding, scratching.
looking.
for the person i so easily fell in love with

and you left,
after endless promises of staying.
that yet again, you broke.

till death do us part.





i guess it wasn’t  death that could undo us.