in my vision i saw it clearly
our hearts became one
my hand in yours as we fell asleep
a glow emitting from where our bodies touch

i sat, staring blankly into the stars of the unknown.
imagining your arms wrapped around my chest tightly, imprinting my skin with your touch.
trying to feel the remains of your lips pressed against mine as we fall deeper into lethargic slumber.
envisioning your angel sweet voice drifting through the room, only to come back to my ears in a soft and simple i love you.
and so i sit, staring blankly, wishing you were here with me.
but soon my love, soon.

let’s run away to a faraway land where train tracks meet the stars
where flowers bloom in the moonlight
where trees are evergreen
where the skyline is painted pink and yellow.
let’s run away.
let’s leave behind this world full of forced smiles and fake laughs,
let’s leave the world that’s polluted with corrupt governments and unlawful laws.
let’s run away.
a place we can be free.
to be you and me.

despite all this rage,
i am still the little girl crying over her scraped knee

sometimes i wonder if you ever loved me, because if you did you wouldnt have left me so easily

and yet again,
my tears have become a sea

you put our song
in a playlist
you made for her

i stand in the bustling enviroment.
surrounded by people whoes stroies ive never heard,
never will hear.
rolling wheels and harsh voices fill the filtered air.
hushing mothers, and their crying children.
i stand in an airport, surrounded by crowds ive never known.
wishing to hear a simple story, a little tale.
to know the place i stand

ill take all you can give and leave you empty.
ill **** all the blood out of your heart and break you apart.
im just a leech boy.

the world may turn again
the breeze may whisper sweet nothings into my ears again
the flowers my bloom again
but the world will forever be dark without you holding my hand
i will never see
not without you guiding me

but life is full of goodbyes, and i guess this is mine

so long partner
till the next sunrise

i hope she slow dances with you, in the kitchen to the humming of the air conditioning
i hope she kisses you, with passion ran deep within her veins
i hope she sings to you, with angels in her voice and a sweet hum in her throat
i hope she loves you, with all she has

like you used to let me

my head is pounding sorrowful rythems in the back of my head.
my heart is knocking against my ribs.
my blood is clotting in my veins.
i can feel myself dying.
but ill keep it inside

goodnight pitiful world
goodnight to the one that dreaded my existence
goodnight to the one that wished me unbroken
goodnight to the one that shamed me into hiding
goodnight pitiful me,
you deserve the rest.

my parents always told me of monsters under my bed
or the ones that waited in the dark of my closet

but maybe it was me who was the monster after all

i want to be the only star in your night sky,
but im just not.

i love you.
and all your broken parts,
all your missing pieces.
i love you for you.
so please let me heal you

and once again i fell into a pile on the floor
crumbled into the lack of person i am
i have lost everything
i am nothing,
but a pile of ***** clothes on my bathroom floor.

I bought the legos you promised you’d build with me years ago.
Laying in the dark of your room, we promised it would be our first big set.
Built together.

I will leave the last piece off, incase you ever wish to fulfill that promise.

you said you missed me,
that you still loved me and thought about me every day.

you said i was beautiful,
and that you missed the way my eyes lit up.

you said you’d get an apartment,
and have me over every night.

why’d you say these beautiful things,
if all these things
were just lies?

i long to feel what the people feel.
i want to feel the love,
the joy,
the excitement.
i want to feel the flood of emotions running through everyone’s veins.
everything but the pain,
for i already feel pain.
where did i go wrong

every twist within my dna seems to be overruled with the unwanted thought of failure
every breath that expands my lungs reminds me of the mush and metal stitched into them
every word, every phrase, every epithet reminds me that i am nothing
i will not say everything is okay
when it is not.

i need a hug
the embrace of ones strong arms
the caress of ones gentle hands
the lock of ones shoulders around me
before i crumble upon your floor
into a puddle of nothingness
i need a hug, just one

i long to feel you.
not sexually, but i long to feel your chest rise and fall aganist my back
i long to feel your eyes captivate mine
i long to feel your hands grasp mine
i long for you in the most innocent of ways
i long for the late night talks
and the drowsy kisses
i long for the way you say my name in the morning
i long for you, the way you long for me.

I am from empty wine glasses
From jack and coke
I am from the forgotten house on the cove
(broken down, empty, but only on the inside rather than out)
I am from great oak trees
Growing towards the sun, shading me from the harshest words
Im from Christmas dinners and alcohol scented sheets
From mom and dad
Im from the broken promises and the smashed plates
From “get out of my face” and “you need to be fixed”
Im from forced catholism and torn easter prayers
Im from the sweltering heat of the south, and the glistening waters of Italy
From pasta and fried chicken
From the harsh voice of my mother
The lack of care from my dad
From the ripped photos off the wall
From the loving arms, I always wished to receive.

i hope you fall.
not in love.
not for someone.
not for anything.
i hope you fall.
i hope you hurt.
i hope you bleed.
i hope you suffer.
i hope you fall,
for a person that treats you the way you treated me.

i will always have a piece of you.
a piece that comes running back.
i will always have a way to make you crave my lips melting with yours.
to make you long to be tangled up with me in the middle of the night.
to make you need me.
every night
until you some how forget me
which you wont.
so go ahead, run on to the next one. and the next one. and the next one.
but i will always be here,
and you will always come back to me.

i let go.
because i knew i would break you in the most beautiful of ways.
i would treat you like a princess and make everything you see around you become your castle only to rip it away from you.
i know myself more than anyone out there, so for me to sit here and say i’ll treat you okay.
is merely nothing but a lie.

yet ill continue to spill my reservoir of love for you.
ill dump it in your darkest places,
spill it in your brightest
ill make heeping piles of hearts, broken and mended.
all for you.

"Oh, love is a journey with water and stars,
with drowning air and storms of flour;
love is a clash of lightnings,
two bodies subdued by one honey."


– Pablo Neruda, "Sonnet 12"

i’m going to stop trying to be the main character in your love story.
i was merely a side character,
or maybe a comic relief.
but you were always my main.
goodbye lover,
continue your story without me.

i want to say i got better.
i want to say i can look at a bottle and think of only the dosage.
i want to say i can eat a meal without puking until my lungs lack air.
i want to say my arms and legs are clear.
but whats the point in lying anymore.
everyone knows im lying, they just dont care.
or maybe im to good at hiding it.

ill stand in the middle of the road and scream your name at passing cars.
ill climb the highest of mountains to find you again.
my soul string belongs to you.
whyd you cut yours.

pick me up and cater to my swollen lungs.
kiss my scraped knees, and hold my shaky hands.
make me yours and heal my heart so i can heal yours.

sometimes we fall onto our knees and bleed to the ones around us.
sometimes we expand our lungs with poison, for the ones we love.
sometimes we knock our own teeth out, and force a different smile.
sometimes we're human.
and thats okay.

why wont you listen
why wont you care to hear that youre wrong
everything i say is locked away
blocked out of your memory
you wont even hear me
see me
feel me
nothing.

You leave me gasping for air, gripping at the teathered ropes that lead behind you.
I fell into your trap just as you wanted me to.
I fell for you and into your love.
Your air restricting love.
But its all worth it for you my dear

i dreamt of you last night.
i thought it was real,
thought you were real.
but i know youll never want me.
stupid little dreams.