if this is a stream of conscienceless then i have to give myself a break
if i keep bending ill just end up out of sorts
and i know i can do this
but i keep coming up short
i have to follow through and finish what i started
it'll lead to something better
thats where my heart is

if the saint is the sinner
then who is this angel on my shoulder
telling me to not look back

i have a headache from
the horns growing out of my head
but i look back
and you're there again

the sinner and the saint
a killer deal

they couldn't wait
they took me in
and sold my soul
to buy you

and i was left with a prayer
that one day I can be whole
but we both know that it doesn't work that way

"imma head over in like 10? Are u home yet?"

"lol thats how he sounded w me too"

"Okay when will you know officially?"

"And at first it was more like “first read reactions” but I wanna read it again and actually come more constructively"

"That is not mine"

"Okay nvm I’m at ya house and wanted to see if u wanted to walk!!"

"Hey guys just wanted to let you know that I’m at urgent care at the moment trying to see what’s up with my body I just wanted to give you guys a heads up that I might not be able to make it tomorrow"

"Can we post those photos yet?"

"let’s GO"

"i love it so much so far, like i feel like this fits me so much which i’m actually happy about"

"Perfect! Talk to you then"

wondering if, i can make something so seamless turn reality into a dreamland

thats enough of the talk about it
instead of the being about it

youll never know if you dont try
and keep trying
and if you fail over and over
while people succeed the first time

maybe your just a rare breed
that will make it in time

falling in loops and doing the same
is just as toxic as what you say

enough if ands or buts
im tired of all the foreplay
get straight to the hurt
and tell me what you regret most

sweating out the messes of last night
i wish we kissed but i dont know
you swam around in circles
like an angel floating in my mind
why the **** do you like him and not me

am i alone, am i even here, how do i shake this feeling

i wish you noticed me, but i dont know how to say it

people follow me to see what im up to
people comment to figure out how i do this and that
they dont care to get to know me
they just care to know how i do what i do

i think you know the answer yeah
ill say it loud and clear through the microphone


you can never be me

writing in a public space but
hidden behind my screen

no one knows what im typing
and it feels exciting  

like

im doing something bad
in the back seat with you

but your far away now
and my screen is all i see now

im working hard
but it seems like something is working harder
to keep me going and
to
keep
my
head
above this
water

thank you whoever you are

i cant believe
that i get to live the life of a creative

nothing could have blessed me more
than being able to pick up a camera
and to frame a moment
in any way i see fit

or to pick up a pen
and bring words to life
a way that no one else can

curled up on the couch
my life changed
slowly than fast
but i don't want to be here anymore

i thought the city would change me
give me back me the pulse that
used to run through my veins and straight into
your soul

but i cant believe I ever even considered you

everyone knew his name
and they tended to prey
but we prayed for him and
we adored him

but did we lead him astray

did we take away his every day  

when this was his last we talked about him
his soul will stay the same

off topic and out of line
I thought that was the last time
but you were the source
and I was the

nevermind

I think I got off track but I'll bring it right back
and youll go ahead and say
you were first

but I influence you and you dont even know

so stay in that box and stay on track

boy better make up his mind
im not trying to wait up all night

text me back
did you forget that I got what you lack

is this new or am i bored
you remind me of what i had before

im not gonna waste any time

i do anything for you

the truth is

i cannot ignore you  

the truth is

im all out of games to play

the truth

is just a lie now

im ******* ****** and i dont even know it
feeling so emotional but i dont even show it
and if i could get you off my mind
i shouldve couldve wouldve of
but nothing beats the times when i thought youd show up
instead youre too busy liking him
so i mind my business once again
never getting what i want  
just slowly nodding off

and i think you would be more interesting with me
but what do i know
i cant even spit out a word
so soon ill ******* choke on the adjectives and the verbs
nothing new to describe her
except that i maybe kinda love her or maybe im just lonely so ill shut the **** up

you can tell when its real.
and you can tell when its fake.

maybe both are ok,
you just have to know what you're going for.

crying and laying on my side
watching the city pass me by
i could be living my best life
instead ill stick to these lies

is it an act
or are you real?
you're a character
i wrote
yet i don't remember
writing myself in

am i the one who drove you off track
is that what i do

you paved the path ahead of you
put in the work
you learned what you had to

i came in and i took from you
is it me?

but maybe everything really isn't about me

do ya'll just like poetry or do ya'll just like
words

do ya'll just like money or do ya'll just like
numbers

do ya'll think about your fate or do ya'll just  
exist

do ya'll want something from me or do ya'll just
hate

do ya'll really know me or do ya'll just
want to know me

ok so i am actually literally really totally

going to make a film

i want to write about being in love
the feeling in my stomach is
disshelveling

hope he doesn't hear this
but hope that he leans in
close enough for me to see his dreams and

hope that im up in them

things are tough
but im gonna get through it

the money is tight
but im still gonna laugh

things are hard
but im still going to wish the best for everyone else

i know its hard
but we are going to make it

i love you,
its ok

i can't believe I feel like this
and ive been doing so well
yet everything is so glitter and gold
until its nighttime and the demons come out to play

no one sees it
because everyone has forgotten
about what it used to be like for me

but there is no going back
or either side
id rather fall down
then retrace my steps
back to you

i know you dont want me to do this
and you want to see me fall so hard
i never recover

i could never though
too high up
im on a whole another level

just know that i might
because this grass is greener
and the moon is in full bloom

pulling my tides aligned
my life is lined up
the 26th floor
is too low for me forever more

searching for you
its hot in my room

**** you make me nervous
calling my name

say it louder
make me shout it

but we were young
and this world doesn't want to work for us anymore

surrounded by the broken egg shells
surrounded by spilled milk
the cottage cheese is clumpy as it runs down the freezer door

but im reaching anyway
because my failures surround me
but this noosa yogurt is top shelf

i think its so unfair that you read what i wrote. you saw me say i love you online, but not to your face. don't act like they're the same.