I'm not sad.

It's just that I wake up in the morning and I wish I didn't.
Every time I see a car zooming past, I also see myself in front of it.
I stopped crying because I feel like my tears are apologies for living.
They say it is only a vice but they will never understand how my blackened lungs serves as the only thing that reminds me I am alive just for the very reason that I am still struggling to breathe.
The clock is working but my time is frozen. I took its hands and put them in shackles.
My body feels a little heavy than usual as it fails to lift me out of my troubles.
I read a hundred different worlds from books and wish that I'm in one of them.

I'm all of these things...
                   but I'm not ******* "sad".

The magic in your eyes,
The "make my knees weak" smile,
The "my heart skipped a beat" moment.
The "world stopped turning" for a while.
That electric feeling,
when our elbows touch,
That comforting lie,
"I've missed you so much"
The heat of the moment,
When my hand wraps around your waist,
and I pull you close,
with the other hand on your face,
The "drumroll" leading,
to the firework kiss,
The warm embrace after,
that always makes me wish,
That if clocks could be broken,
Then so would be time,
And I wouldn't have to hurry,
In this paradise of mine,
and all these heavens,
that begin with a hello,
All disappear,
and time begins to slow,
and I try my hardest not to show you,
but no matter how hard I try,
The hell in hello,
is when you say goodbye.