I wait- and I always will
hunting for some time to ****
but now I have some shoes to fill
on the other far off side

would you desire me if I changed my plan?
would you if I was a worthy man?
I could alter where I stand
if you maybe wanted me

I'm making eye contact
with a perfect precious girl I lack
at least I got myself back
in time to cut my losses

I wait and I always will
one day I will see her and time wont go still
but for now I bide my time until
I can catch her eyes again

reinvented....time and time again until it lost its sanctity
just like saying the word- love- broken from overuse by lesser men
keeping composure in the worst and losing it in the best
you asked for this side of the fence
you chose it
you love it in a sick way
it is now time to reinvent the reinvention
and instead of trying your very hardest, weak one
you will become
all the poems you draw your power from
all the strange daydreams that championed your thoughts until they were melted in the forge of complacency
as a reinvented man cowardice has no place
in any form
self control is most painful when you cant see why you are controlling yourself.
but you shall
and you know why
and you will never ever forget.
and then when you find for yourself the answer to why you act this way
you will have the peace of mind enough to communicate with others about it wont you?
don't forget

You were a gypsy- and had to move.
I had a need, a quiet thing to prove
there's an accidental fire burning in the coal mine.
there's a southern gospel choir singing "love in hard times"
she had everything my heart was questing for
but she doesn't kiss me in the daytime anymore

you were a gypsy-the world was yours.
never did i gaze at you with thoughts that weren't pure
there's a river running through it
a strange knocking on my door
but she doesn't kiss me in the daytime anymore.

She was a gypsy-horizon bound
and to this day the greatest beacon I have ever found
there's a deep and tragic longing
there's a salted, barren ground
She was and is and won't be soon restored
She doesn't kiss me in the daytime anymore.

the lowest point it was a bridge
or  a field by the park
it could have been the greyhound station
or the truck stop after dark

wandering toward a blurry point
a sunburn in his hand
nothing but this blanket
and a memory of good land

I'm coming back to where love is
there must be one thing that remained
a shard of my old countenance
that proves I am not stained

The light is bright I see it!
it burns away the present dark
behold the joy is rising
our hero may still make some mark

At 2 A.M this morning
the bad guy proved himself
he got back on his feet
and found his missing health

I would seek the light at the end
if only I saw a tunnel first
an inside longing for an outside gesture
A glance perhaps
an accidental graze of skin
on the only part left exposed by a heavy winter coat.
Neither poorly worded poems
nor hand crafted metal flowers can breach the invisible walls
that bar my entry into your world.

Again I promise myself to stay in your comfort zone
for I refuse to cause discomfort
they say to grasp your attention in some way
to dance as if that would make you see me
and as if seeing me would be the answer.

but I shall not dance

I only seek a tunnel
an inside longing for an outside gesture
A glance perhaps
an "accidental" graze of skin
on the only part left exposed by a heavy winter coat.

I follow the light
and endure what I must
I have never been the one
who needed to not trust
I have walked through alcohol
and battlefields of lust
and I returned again

I follow whats right
removing all the rust
and once upon a time I knew
exactly when a thing was just
I can live through anything
including this  swords ******
that I may return again

there comes a time in every life
to forget what they said
to pick up this old shovel
and bury this old dead
making something beautiful
out of what you dread
and perhaps you'll find a way
to return again

somethings they go away
like old best friends
colliding with the change
and being left to hang

some things they drift away
like your green balloon
its getting hard to see
flying past the trees

goodbyes aren't so hard
when hope's waiting for you
when all the best things that
you never wanted come true

some things they hurt you bad
like losing all your joy
you're now getting older
and you're hearts getting cold

some things turn you around
like driving off a hill
or starting a new future
by swearing that you will

v1
Twice a week i'll prove
and show the world that I am clean
An older me I cant recall
no longer floods my dreams

v2
I'll never dwell, or kiss and tell
your secrets safe with me
i'd break the paper chains
if I intended to be free.

v3
I blame the crush, a seismic rush
To flatten and to build
lets raise another glass
to all the brain cells that we've killed

chorus
it makes no sense, I need no rest
I need no room to breathe
I love the violent precious things
they gently sing and seethe

If you have a bit of time
may i prevail upon your pity?
There's something of a wounded man
in search of what is pretty.

for somewhere very distant
from the wasteland he has made.
There's something of a wounded man
who fled the things that stayed.

Though inspiration come
through fire within ones heart.
There's something of a wounded man
who has forgotten how to start.

If you have a bit of time
may I prevail upon your pity?
There's something of a wounded man
Who just met someone pretty

when hope comes to shove
you're my language of love
the second chance that finally worked
to bring me to my newfound feet

it could be forward motion
or a poorly made ocean
a time to give old grief a miss
and do the things I asked myself

I fall in love every day
and still I keep my soul at bay
for fun? or fear? or lack of light?
you my dear are worth the fight
I sought you all this time
and now all of this hope is mine
all of this frightened hope is mine

dancing through the wasted days
this tired man has changed his ways
I cherish every thought of you
because you brought me back

Do you dream of escape as I do?
When the hurt starts to fall does it all fall on you?
when the going gets tough
Does your soft heart shine through?
Do you dream?
Do you hope for escape  as I do?

Did I ever forget to win?
In the dark behind my eyelids must I always witness sin?
when the going gets tough
Can I still bear and grin?
Did I forget?
Shall I again forget to win?

Did I give it all at age eighteen
The fiery soul of the greatest dreamer you've ever seen.
when the going gets tough
Can the dreamer stay clean?
Did I give it all?
Did I lose it all at age eighteen

Do you dream when you're deprived?
Like when the last light of a dying fire somehow stays alive.
when the going gets tough
Can a dead heart revive?
Do you dream?
Can you still dream when you're deprived?

you must
and shall
remain alive

have yet to write a song
about a woman's eyes
I've only written songs about
a man who fails when he tries
a man who lies yet still denies

you have conjured hope from what was numb
something to run at-not-from
your existence holds my soul enraptured
I now feel more like tamed-not-captured

an untainted me calls out to you
from a place I had but never knew
I hate to make my heart so open
but I would rather tell you and have it broken
than never try to make you mine
I'm following the light you shine

as you required, I will do
I sit beneath this tree for you
neither victim of society
or standard for false piety
my sweet though I know not your name
I remain for you


desire, wonder, merriment
mankind's heart perhaps is spent
diluted maybe from over ease
you and I apart from these
I have not loved since life was fair
go to the tree. wait for me there

and I will prove to you
what someone changed can do

for him it began all at once
like sometimes it does
when you lose your fire

but often when you fall
you say to yourself
-at the end of this
i'll be dead or a liar-

that's the way sleep walkers do it
just like I did in one time and space

and when you're gone
remember me
and what we should have done to this place

just like one year-five months ago
when a poor soul fell and didn't rise
and you remember
how you water that plant every day
but it still dies

thats the way sleep walkers do it
just like I did in one time and space

and when you're gone
remember me
and what we should have done to this place

I remember it was bright
like a lamp
to eyes adjusted for the night
painful
yet welcome and desired
hopeful
like the memory of a good thought acquired

it was love
precious and unfailing
to the unwitting heart
in need of some saving

it was love
to the naked and fully clothed eye
you were there with me
when I started to try
like a bird with a broken wing
nursed back to the air
I have not forgotten
what it looks like to care

there is joy here
when all things are new
there is hope in my heart
and now I blame you

its 9:22 and here I am
I could be drunk or tired or dead
just too much happened and sleep wont come
I drank and wooed and hurt my head
and cared too much and threatened lives
9:27 no help arrives

she cant do this to me again
I spent so much time running from dark
but Saturday night to Sunday night
memories and new things have left their mark
and anger and alcohol and absolute things
9:37 an angel hets his wings

it's not the first but more acute
showering alone despite my wishes
unconscious friends and nervous twitches
sometimes it's very hard to be
the one you were before the fall
9:44 I'm still alive but now I'm sure my world's too small

With a thought I cant capture
I shall wait for the rapture
-And sit upon ideas-
As if they were my Gold
Or my sunshine or a hand to hold

She said there is power in the rain
Hearts don't need  to change with pain
-There has to be an instance-
where something changed from the worse
where a good man rises from his curse

Even bad men fall in love
In water they must stay above
-And some hearts may come back home-
To the beginning of some path
Before they forgot how to laugh

Second chances are not curses
more like pages with no verses
-A wanting so intense-
That you shall be allowed no rest
Until you get a heart back in your chest

Bailey prays for me sometimes
As if things never happened-as if we stayed and tried
like we never lost the baby-like I never lost my mind
Bailey prays for me sometimes

Erin thinks of me at night
When there's no one else to get up out of bed and hit the lights
Like I never left her waiting, like the time was always right
Erin thinks of me at night

Becca gave me one last chance
I put her on a pedestal before I left her trance
I had two weeks to hold her in the kitchen while we danced
Becca gave me one last chance

Was it them or was it me that got away?
the ones whose lives are better off because I didn't stay
An influence at best and at the worst I brought decay
Was it them or was it me that got away?


Bailey prays for me sometimes
But she had to move to Portland- let her conscience be her guide
It's for the best we let it rest. pretend we never tried
but.....Bailey prays for me sometimes

She was the calm, the storm, disaster in between
Some joy kept at a distance that that's looking after me.
It's dry here in October the grass can catch on fire
There's promise in the hard hearts
Strangled by piano wire

In the way a sailor drowning finds comfort in the sea
I rest completely in her -or at least her memory-
I'm a drunk man on the train tracks not a southern gospel choir
cuffed to the radiator now and remembered as a liar

I blame in on the crossroads and the choices that I make
The choices that kept me alone but kept my mind awake
I stopped trying to reach farther now I run as fast as trees
She once lived in my tower
now she can't count on me

Tie me to the mast Los Angeles my love is far away
but if I remained mountain-bound I wouldn't live today
I blame the crush a seismic rush to flatten and to build
let's raise another glass to
all the brain cells that we killed

Change the sheets, change the locks
Change the way that you approach him when you talk
Change your job, change the sign
Change what your looking for to save your mind

Close the door, close your heart
(that you should have never opened from the start)
Close your legs, close the deal
don't pretend you don't remember how to feel

Hide your keys, hide your smile
hide important things like when you were a child
Hide the bones, hide the cash
You just can't be too careful when you crash

Pray for me, pray for dreams
Pray that the world's more gentle than it seems
pray for hunger, pray for your needs
pray you'll someday see the forest through the trees.

Did you only love me when you lost your meds
when you found out i'm warmer in your bed
After all this life I couldn't change my mind
you were omnipresent but impossible to find

Drones don't have cockpits- my pilots on the ground
I'd trade a lifetime of hiding for a split second found
you were my prayer, my answer, and my consequence
I would sell all my stories to buy back common sense

Did I really only love you as a concept?
as a magic thing that came to me and blinded when it left
there's days where I forget your face, your hands, the things you said
but I remember days back when you lost your meds

But were we important? were we people worth knowing?
Did we have prospects? Was our paradise Growing?
I'll ask you one question. Are my insides showing?
I've held on for years now-but the drum beat's slowing.

There are many kinds of broke
Someone broken once just told me
Not the coins that you cant spend
of the thoughts you don't dare think

It's not caring about the cancer
when the doctor says it's forming
it's not sleeping under bridges
outside Rock Springs Wyoming

It's dropping your old habits
so the new girl thinks your clean
It's missed appointments, parking lots
Fireworks and kerosene

There are many kinds of tired
my old body spoke to me
it's your back that wont stand straight
when the tendons start to sing

It's keeping your eyes heavenward
so age wont make you mean
It's dead end jobs, bloodshot eyes
fireworks and kerosene

IF I could only catch on fire
when my passion wants me to
or take a warmer breath
like I've got something to lose

It's something just beyond my reach
a song I don't dare sing
it's missing links, a chance for peace
Fireworks and kerosene

I'm a barely spinning, broken piece of
Alcoholic machinery
I grew tired of waiting, losing sight
the farther I get from whats near to me

And it's never been more clear
I'm still trapped with me in here
we are reassembling
into curious new things

I'm a treasure buried, sunken chest of
hope and youthful anxiety
I'm reluctant chances furtive glances
growing pains and recovery

Rocky mountains held me close
you held what you loved the most
the golden hour to the west
for a second there was rest

I'm an accidental, sentimental photograph
from when life was kind
I'm a new fond memory, a change of heart
reminding you that there is still time

There's a statewide fire ban
but you could torch me where I stand
or keep me pretty on your shelf
at least I didn't lose myself

Thank God I'll never get what I want again
and I'll never rest, I'll never breath
I hope again I don't get what I need
Or space to think, hope I don't win
Thank God I'll never get what I want again

Thank God my engine gave out when it did
When times were tough and I was trapped
you should have heard it when the heartstring snapped
could have been brave but ran and hid
Thank God my engine gave out when it did

Thank God I'll never fall in love again
I'll never wake and know that I'm complete
there is no someone coming back for me
to clean my heart and touch my skin
Thank God I'll never fall in love again

Thank God for things that I will never know
How I got here and at what cost
I'm still afraid of bridges I once crossed
I can't stay young, I can't grow old
Thank God for things that I will never know