she was beautiful even at 86 as much as at 21 even without hair she shined like the sun as bright as she was she poisoned herself one cigarette after the next her lungs were begging to be set free and when they finally gave in she was nothing but a happy memory
it was my grandmas memorial the other day wrote this in remembrance, i miss you teta
he was a mean scrawny old man anxiety causing havoc in every direction he stepped foot making you to think of all the possible ways you could fall when reaching for the stars while his best friend overthinking sat and thought of a million more
suffered a lot with anxiety the last couple of years , finally getting better enough to start writing about it
ready or not here i come, she said to her younger brother as they played hide and seek. ready or not, she screamed 10 years later, her voice trembling and shaking, her hands ****** and bruised, here i come, she whispered
why do i feel this constant need to be sad to think about it because if i don’t dwell on it did it ever even happen? he would say it didnt the 10 other people in the room would agree so why do i still think about it it sits still in the back of my mind watchint the dominos begin to fall all caused by its very presence
just shut up i need silence, an escape it’s loud enough in my mind i need to catch a breath a breath? funny how that’s what i’m fighting for so please for the love of god, shut up.
oh to be a sunflower called upon by the sun to dance delicately around the moon with arms long and wide soaking up every last drop of sunlight until the day you die your soul fluorescent like the yellow that shines through you to not have a care in the world the only thought in your mind wether or not the bees stopped by coming to say hello on their way to all the other sunflowers all living such an simple yet wonderful life oh to be a sunflower
an angel on a horse you are an angel on a horse galloping around a meadow of our memories the good part of it all and as the sun touches your face the blue in your eyes glistening the song in your heart echoing through the leaves as it all starts to look up the song in your heart comes to a standstill the lush green forest turns into mulch the you look down and there i am with a knife to your heart watching the notes of song pour out along with the shining velvet of my pain dripping down inherently it was all a lie for you are the devil in disguise and i fell for it
summer finally came she was ever so beautiful with her golden hairs reflection on the crystal blue clearing her warmth so enticing so forgiving she could lure anyone in yet winter came in with his icy touch and froze everything within reach
the tunes of song weren’t enough anymore i tried to drown myself in the rhythm in the lyrics and i still felt the same the music playing in my head was so much louder than anything i could play
why is it that all i ever want is, skin and bones, brittle and shaken, making me weak and fragile, yet i smile, because this is all i ever wanted right?
i wanna go back to when the tooth fairy existed this piece of myself of kept under my pillow wishing she would visit and bless me with her presence it was only when investing myself fully in the tooth fairy that she truly existed are you my tooth fairy? do you exist purely in my mind?
there’s something about the way your nose creases when you smile the way your cheeks light up a bright red and that subtle highlight on the right of ur eye glistens that much stronger i hold my breath when i look at you not wanting to miss a second of your beauty for something as insignificant as a breath of air i stare at you like art you are art with your delicate intricacies your presence so captivating and i’ll keep staring until i run out of air to breath
death comes knocking door to door the thought to answer so incandescently present in my brain so ingrained in my thoughts but i don’t do it i sit in agony and watch as death walks away it’s strange i miss him i hope he comes back to knock on my door this time maybe i’ll answer this time maybe i’ll finally be set free
witches and gargoyles, sirens and werwolves, dragons and monsters, oh protect me from the tundra kind sir save me from the terror that is your dismay be my knight in shining armor if you will
i come stained unable to wash him away with every attempt i make unable to reverse the mistake i made the looks i gave the flame i ignited it’s my fault it’s my ******* fault although not physical, i am stained my heart so fragile, so disposable that with every beat it becomes more and more empty my brain eventually letting go of any thoughts it blurts out until i depend on no one but myself but how can i depend on myself when i myself am the predator
like a lemon drop expecting a slight taste of sorrow but instead being met with the overwhelming grief that accompanies it as the drop melts onto your tongue the flavor slowly triggering your appetite your hunger for more becomes apparent you’ve been starving yourself not feeling anything really the sweetness of it all starts to seep in that sorrow, that grief, all dissipates into nothingness thoughts clouding your mind when everything but nothing remains who would do all this? just for the sweet taste of what once was for with every true adventure comes a nasty resurgence, it’s perfect complement
you were so much but so little at the same time and so when asked i reduced you to a singular feeling that feeling of water dancing along your fingertips of light catching you by surprise in the space between two clouds of the specs of salt falling on your face along the shore
one day your smile will be real, one day you'll want to get out of bed, one day your tears will be of joy, one day you'll say your okay and mean it, wait for that day
i don’t know who i am anymore i feel myself becoming her becoming all that i said id never be the cigarettes i used cough around are now the only way i feel at ease the alcohol id get goosebumps from is now the only thing to numb the pain in my mind the razor i had used to feel pretty i now use to free my mind from its torment the body i used to call beautiful i now see as disgusting the friends i thought i’d hold onto forever are now slipping through the cracks the person i used to be is gone i’m her now
i came crashing and burning like tidal waves in a storm trying to wash away any parts of you and when it all came down to it when i thought you never left you weren’t there from the start not where i was at the very least in a fairytale of my own creation the memories fluorescent and bright the future filled with promise the past nothing but a bad dream but everything comes to an end the clock finally stops and all that’s left is the bitter taste of what once was
blue. not the blue in which u smiled goodbye to the blue on the floor where my tears fell down onto the blue crashing through the waves killing what was left before you but in the end it is blue i hope you drown into
im not the person you said i was but now i feel myself turning into her your cruel words ingrained in my mind and now all i can do is drift towards the story you wrote of me im nothing but the person you said i was
it’s funny how something so incredibly stable can turn to chaos in a matter of seconds the silent chaos the type that shatters you inside until nothing but the memories are left the memories your trying so hard to forget that are now etched onto your chest that’s the worst kind the silent type because no one knows what’s happening no ones aware of the damage you endured of the loss you felt in that moment of the hands you see on you whenever you look in the mirror of the hours you spent arguing with yourself on wether or not to speak up the internal dispute, fighting with none other than yourself which you eventually lost the weak side in you always prevails doesn’t it? kicking past the door of possibility wherever you step foot
i don’t think it’s called falling anymore i think i’ve fallen using the verb falling would imply hope to get back up i’ve lost that hope along the fall
i’m sorry for being too much yet too little too loud and too quiet too stupid yet too cautious too stubborn yet too forgiving i don’t know who i am anymore
guilt is a debt left unpaid it grow by each waking day and the longer it sits still collecting dust and others feelings it takes more in its wrath
guilt is an infection it spreads to every bone in your body takes over you immune system until it is all what every cell in ur body feels
guilt is a mindtrick it fools you into thinking it’s over then it wraps you around it’s finger and like a serpent it strips you of any air you have left to breath
oh guilt i stay a victim to your actions a slave to your thoughts unable to climb myself out from a hole of my own creation