For a moment I wanted to forget about you, forget about what I had to do, and forget who I was. I wanted to think, but not of you.
I do that too much.
I wanted to swim amid my thoughts, go back, move forward.  Say more, think less. Do more, think less. Feel more, touch more, care more. Think more.
I wanted to cut my hair short, be like some else so that I could feel like someone else. Some who wanted to talk all night, who wanted to be there every ******* second,
who wanted me as much as you wanted me.
I tried.
You only wanted me because you couldn’t have me. Then when you got me, you realized who I was. Who I wasn’t.
That I wasn’t. I’m not anyone. I’m not yours. I’m not mine. I’m no one.

She cries
Not on the outside, not when anyone is around
She knows,
All of her shortcomings, all of her flaws
She is a coward
Too afraid to show emotion, too afraid to do what she must
She could be great
If she would open, if she would stop the doubt
She could be great.

Rudimentary trifling in creativity
Boiled down, frothy lines
Stumbled, broken relations.
Too much, too open,
Yet nothing is hidden between.
It’s not about the words
Stalky presentations mask what is meant
Overthought, underappreciated.
Expecting the praise, knowing the torment

Embarrassment.

I want the spaces.
**** the lines.
A blank page says more than a thousand full.
No thoughts, shot spark
Tired form, ugly flow.
She has no shame,
Takes no judgment
Jealous gawk,
Rooted fears,
Expression is the enemy
Lack of substance drives the ghost.