I've tuned in to the wrong channel.

My brain tells me all sorts of things:
You're an alien to the world
You don't belong here
You don't belong anywhere
You don't think the same as others
You're too stubborn
You're too straightforward
You're not like the rest
You're drunk
You should go home.

Well yes,
I totally should.

Fell
into a deep hole
that I had dug up
with my bare hands
That dark hole
was called *Love

In your words
I *found comfort
In your eyes
I found clarity
In your heart
I found trust
In you
I found security

Yuck
Not again
I'm failing
For yet another
Time

Walls collapsing
Mask disintegrating
Voice disappearing
Smile vanishing
Thoughts muddling

Grip is
Loosening
Throwing me back
Into that ******
Pit
I fought so hard
To climb out
Of

My strength is
Depleting
I don't think
I can make that climb
Again
Or at least
Fight that
Monster
Suppress it
Squash it
Ultimately
**** it

My control is
Slipping
My tongue is
Sharpening
My voice either
Booming
Or vanishing
Evil thoughts
Rampaging

I wish it would stop
Where's my will
When I need it
I need it back
To climb
To talk
To smile
To fight
That
Blasted
Side

I can run
But not for long
It will catch up
It has already caught on

And nothing
Already
Matters
Anymore

I don't lie
I just phrase things
Differently

I don't hide
I drop hints
Everywhere

You just
Don't
Notice

there's a lot
of love out
waiting to be

loved

a lot of
fires waiting to
be lit lord

your kingdom come

in my island
in my desert
in my city
in my family
in my friend
in me

there's a lot
of silence waiting
to be heard

sleep to sleep
in peace and
safety

there's a lot
of love
waiting

to be
loved

who god bless
no one curse