Iwishicouldcurlupandfreezeforever

It's always a tree.
I don't know why,
It just
Is.

I draw it sprawled out across the skin on my arm.
Sharpies sting on scratched limbs.

But at least I can trace it and remember how much I've grown.

That is my new goal.
That day...

Have you thought at all about it?
What are you thinking?
You rarely tell me,
And it's okay.

I just hope you're looking forward to 10-26
As much as I am.

Different...*
That's all I can say.

I can only wish it gets better
And that these concrete walls
Are, somehow, torn down.

My skin is hot.
I can feel it.

But my bones are cold.

Shivers are sent down my spine
And I know I am shaking.

The only thing I can think of is
You.
Your scent
Your energy
Your touch
Your voice
Lingers around me and dances with my senses.
I am burning for you,
But I feel cold.

I never wrote about it.
I don't like to remember.
And few people know.

But I want people to know the story.
---------------------------------------


I was depressed.
My dad and his sexism towards me,
My moms screams over every little thing.
Everything seemed to be turned against me.

I wanted to end it all.

Death by asphyxiation.

Tying a bandanna tightly around my neck
And going to sleep.

I was sure it would work.
I tied it pretty tightly and all I had to do
Was finish tying the knot.
Three times.
So I couldn't back out.
I almost got to the second loop,
And I heard the beep.

I never read the text.
I just responded with
What I thought was accurate.

And, without my permission,
The knots untied.

And your name was the only thing I saw.

I liked you before then,
But after that, I knew I would grow to love you.
Something told you to text me right then.
Whether it be a selfish reason, or an instinct,
You saved my life.

And now you're a big part of it.
And I hope to the God I don't believe in
That it will, stay that way.

The sharpness of your cheeks.
The soft curve of your lips.
The shadows on your collarbones.
The shape of your hands when you stroke my thigh.
The hard, toned muscles encasing your slender frame.
The long and strong legs that carry you.
The arch of your back as you begin to jump.
The curious look you give when you catch me staring.
The faint blush you (sometimes) show.
The hungry grins you let shine through
Or the laughing smile when you are with friends and family.
And the haunting color in your eyes.

I could go on, but I'm just trying to say,
You are the definition of
Sheer Perfection.
You are the definition of
Absolute Beauty.
And you are
Entirely *Mine.