My sins are following me,
wherever I may go.

She's crying over text messages,
As the pink haired ****** decides it's time,
The dope always wins,
The lady behind me has flowers,
With a note tucked,
It says,
"Dedicated to the little moments".
The former **** with crossed oot S's,
Smiles at a skinny Jew,
We do change,
Most of the time over a ride,
But usually the ride lasts the lifetime,
She's no longer crying,
Trying to be strong like her mama once told her,
When she fell,
The college kid in tucked flannel reads chapter 45,
Of a book that is blank,
The pages scream, "fill me in!"
He checks his wallet, not knowing what else,
To do,
The poet is in the front,
Or the back,
It depends on which way you're going,
He writes this little story,
Tapping a face that reflects his good,
Intentions,
He has to write the opera of souls,
Poured out,
He signs off,
Another Lightrail Tale.

It snowed in Phoenix,
The winds smelled like a nostalgic candle,
In the middle of a crowd,
Dogs barked fearing the sky was falling,
And old timers were either smiling,
Or judging onlookers,
Because it reminded them of where then ran,
Chimneys rose with fireplace's pride,
They knew this day would come,
Cars scratched down freeways of people,
Lost,
Because they forgot where they were,
They themselves knew that they didn't know where they were going anyhow,
The dead rose, or turned over,
Depending,
On what Christmas song was playing,
The poets and the painters alike broke tools,
Because nature beat them too it-
Again,
It snowed in Phoenix today,
And the world decided to burn,
Time to put up those Christmas Lights.

Dog asleep,
Snorting at invisible peanut butter,
I have the lights on, but
Feels like no body is home,
Baseball game, barely paying attention,
Cant sleep, too exhausted exhausted,
This is the life I always dreamt,
House full of life,
Is this what's left?

Had an old-timer say on Saturday,
Insane thoughts don't sound too bad,
When you're batshit crazy,
Guess that's where I'm at,
Appreciating that most of the time,
I just don't know,
Nothing,

Drove home again,
Screaming at the headlights and silence,
Screaming at a loneliness I,
Lived so long with,
Screaming,
Why did you leave me,
Alone,
The house is no longer empty,
Screaming that my life,
Is just another,
Cold brew from Sonic,
Is this what's left,

Grey.
The Grey hair was only on my eyebrow,
Guess that's ok,
ATM cards slipping outa my pocket,
While flying over real life fictional cities,
Should have made the world smaller,
But it just made me feel more,
Alone,
There it is.

Newcomer,
Needing life,
Reminds me of what I deserve,
He said,
"I just want what you got"
Perspective
I turn off the light,
Dogs didn't move,
The sonic sobs,
I didn't finish it,
The loneliness flashes like a nostalgic smell,
The Giants beat the Mets.

It's there,
When we are ordering ****** food,
And the way you like how I talk to the cashiers,
I can feel it when you pick me up from work,
And you do this dorky little wave,
You have your way,
Which is just that,
Yours,
Whether it's comfortable or just comforting,
I try to read every pause in between your lines,
It's there,
When we dance in your car,
like the idiots we try to only reveal to those closest,
I can feel it when you squeeze my hand,
The refreshing reminder,
That everything is ok,
It's there,
In the moments where we collapse on the bed,
Both dreading that tomorrow means,
The end of tonight,
I can feel it in the silences that exist,
Solely because we are saying more with our souls,
It's there,
in blues music, and starry nights,
That every cliche could make the milky way,
I can feel it,
In the smiles that I thought,
Had never existed,
It's there,
And I can feel it.

Indigint rehab,
checking in checking out,
another bout,
another sight,
you're weeping in the bathroom,
not knowing that life is tapping its toe impatiently,
in the next room,
choose to be,
choose to rot,
I chose that my past will always be there,
but sometimes it's easy when it's normalcy that you sought,
forgetting to forget,
you take your breath and move "one day at a time",
so they say,
but really it's one step at a time,
your life is unmanageable that's clear enough,
full of things and stuff,
but another suicide attempt under your belt,
and another counselor asking you how you felt,
the rhymes are oot of place,
like you feel whenever you walk through another space,
who's to say you werent in the right,
who's to say that you arent just looking for another fight,
so focus ahead my dear guy,
for once you can remeber what color and how to pronounce,
the works that unlie,
in this new story you can decide to write,
keep moving,
"Dont give up and dont give in",
leave your pride and take that stide,
clean yourself up kid and walk through the bathroom,
you'll start seeing all the crazy new,
and the bits of blue,
from your new view,
with cigarettes and skylines,
You'll be just fine.

It's quiet in Phoenix,
Ain't no cars driving down,
Even the crackheads are tucked in,
It's only midnight,
And birds confused,
Sing far away songs,
The crickets forgot what day it was,
And wont stop a chirpin,
Old texts and dogs barking at tumbleweeds,
But there isn't any wind,
A plane makes more noise than my mind is,
And that's alright,
Air conditioners blast their melody,
While the lone car,
Confused at which street to take,
I say outloud, "I guess none of us really do."
The loneliness is fading,
With streetlamps wondering what's it's job,
Don't worry,
Just keep doing what you're doing,
The porch light dies,
And what's left,
Just them dogs,
And the crickets,
Goodnight Phoenix.

Natalia was mean to me,
I was 11,
I was 13,
Teachers said to stop flirting,
I misplaced ideas of what that meant,
I am 32 and Natalia is married with 2 kids,
Is it supposed to mean something,
Aging emo,
Codependency was never cute,
But at least they made some good records,
The records I am making were
Best broken bottles setting scenes at 8 am
Sober and spiritual,
Non chalant locked in battle
With too much chalant,
Writing letters that transform and terrorize,
Just to get the cathartic release,
Putting those letters back in the ether box,
They were never said,
But they were,
With glances and bad motives,
Harping on that embarrassment you felt,
After shouting into that flooded storm,
Yes,
This is loneliness,
This is the late night doom scrolling,
The early morning speed dates of pictures and one word pick-up line,
I should be further,
I shouldn't feel this,
******* crazy,
Misguided meetings,
Modern motivation through justifications,
I'm definitely going for the meditation not the manipulation
I accept my feelings after dizzying candlelights and a shouting mind,
But just because I accept feelings,
Doesn't mean that they don't ****,
"Who knew sobriety would make you so suicidal."
I guess only the ones who made it far enough to feel those unaccepted feelings,
The sun still rises,
Better come up with a better pick-up line.

Nature of,
Is ever,
Changing,
It goes with the wind,
No one understands,
How it's blowing,
A moment,
Is invaded by shadow,
But a byproduct,
Of light,
The winter appearing,
In the midst,
Of the ever present desert,
Shutdown,
With the spring and blooms,
The feeling
Of
Happiness
Of a sun shining,
Knowing the leaves will soon turn,
What is it, a kiss, or smile
The gray hair,
Or
The feelings of somewhere else,
It's all changing,
Life live streams,
Veins, in moutains,
Drying up,
Natures of lifetimes.
It's all just wind blowing,
Anyhow.

Bass too loud,
Breaking the sunset,
Riding to another hospital,
Stops along the way,
Followed by phone drops
And embarrassed looks,
No one saw anyhow,
No one was looking,
Energy drinks and firebombs,
We're are just looking for life,
The best of us lie,
The worst of us give up.
Another chair,
Sterilized smells,
the methadone looks like it's kicking in,
But I'm here looking for life,
they are looking for a way to get some smokes,
We're all oot anyway,
The ride home shakes the night,
Talks aboot living life,
Bills,
Past lives,
Punk rock grown up,
Black eye liner under transition lenses,
The dogs are waiting,
So is the laundry,
My welcome mat smiles,
And the love smiles brighter,
Turn on hbo,
Life is living,
Sunsets and overplayed setlists.