When did I become so bitter?
Used to be the guy seeing a bag and pick up the litter,
now I watch it blow by,
less of a smile and more of a sigh,
my kid, my teenage self would never want to be this guy,
singing loudly used to be a habit,
now I just write sad poems on a laptop or tablet,
not the type you come to,
because all my colors are gone cept for blue,
what happened to you?
when did I become so sad?
instead of always seeing good,
now its just all bad,
not optimistic nor real,
just writing to make me feel,
but it doesnt help like i need it,
I used to finish a poem and sigh off the ****,
but now I'm consumed bit by bit,
by this world,
by my life,
by my past,
used to smile while finishing last,
dreaming was a hobby and I would want to sleep,
now I run away from dreams and stay awake till the alarm goes beep
when did I get so bitter?
used to take care of drunk friends like a sitter,
now the days are gone and I'm drinking alone,
waiting by the phone,
but not answering the call,
I used to see girls and feel my heart stall,
and smile when they looked my way,
now their eyes look and say,
what happened to you?
Why am I so bitter?

Dear my hopeful tomorrow,
I walk the streets during the day and during the night,
for you to take away my sorrow,
its hidden but still there,
and I feel you kiss me with rain in the air,
time and people move slow here,
like they know the date but forgot the year,
so I keep the headphones pressed in my ear,
wondering yet smiling, how did I get here,
tomorrow will be beautiful I say,
as the clouds and rain tell me you're going to stay,
I can dance with a memory,
but feeling down and low,
I smile as I hold my hand oot,
and ask like a geek for you to dance,
my hopeful tomorrow

My biggest hope,
collides with my greatest love,
what is there to cope,
when the realest thing you know,
is your greatest foe,
your greatest dream,
clashing with your greatest desire,
setting your soul on fire,
I just am split,
needing to think and sit,
voice getting low,
and them trying to make you feel like your the world,
but my world was building up to it,
bit by bit,
I have craved them,
but there is no going back,
because my heart doesnt know truth from fact,
I want to have it the most,
to beable to boast,
saying, "this is mine world and it will be greater than I could ever dream",
stuck inside which side to fight for and which side to lean,
I need to contemplate,
which one is right,
which one will be with me in the end of the night,
they have experienced the awesome bliss,
of someone that they always miss,
and I am just standing still,
what happens when you have to decide your thrill,
to decide your future on one or more,
there is no rhyme to help, no score,
so I just end up feeling sore,
and sad,
because I have to decide between a love I dont want to let go,
or a son or daughter I may never know.

Sing me something sweet,

play a nice a beat on repeat,

simple yet elegant,

take my mind off the rant,

take my mind off the day,

do it in some crazy way,

make it spontaneous,

my soul wants it instantaneous,

take me a place in a universe,

dont need any verse,

dont need any burst,

do it in some easy way,

remind me of May,

sunny and in tune,

play it till noon,

take me over like a wave,

something to nod to in my grave,

simple yet intoxicating,

to stop my minds debating,

make it easy and to keep,

into my head to creep.

Sing me something sweet,

play a nice beat on repeat.

There is a stump with a lawn chair on top in a yard with dirt,

no one knows how it got there, like a cheesy line insert,

some say the Gods struck it down upon yonder tree stump,

other folks say the lawn chair was dipped in the same stuff as Achilles,

that was some reason left at the dump,

but lock in a bond they are,

through wind and winter,

they locked tight as if holding hands in a ***** bar,

you may ask me what I think in some way or another,

but I think they are lovers frozen in bodies that never feel the sacrifice of weather,

holding onto what they can that stay still,

you may ask once again,

and I both despise and love their will.

Goodnight my distant movie,
Playing some ****** horror flick on repeat,
With the smell of some bar and meat,
Hanging,
The morning was quiet
And I gave up the fight in it,
So time to put it away with a dusty painting,
And go to sleep.

Goodbye my far away rhythm,
Dancing entwined with separate together mythdom
But always too far to touch
It isn't much,
But my dreams are a place to visit
So time to go put the music on,
And go to sleep.

Goodbye my recent moon,
Sung under crossed stars,
with an unexplained tune,
Beautiful but with scars,
I'll smile from afar
So time to put the globe away,
Knowing it's ok
Not being the Earth.

Hey kid,
keep your chin up and head held high,
for this is the year you realize a dream,
of being a normal person and you will know what I mean,
appreciate the somewhere over a rainbow,
and hold onto the truths you thought were long gone,
you are a hard worker with a bad business plan,
but cherish the two people that will always be your biggest fans,
dont discount the wisdom of mom and dad,
but remember you are allowed to mistakes and adventures,
that they (specially mom) might see as bad,
get drunk with Driven and appreciate every set list you play,
remember to appreciate the day,
and that paradise comes too slow and is gone too fast,
appreciate amount of times you tell yourself,
you saw the most beautiful girl, as an hourly toast,
remember your experiences with random poets that cant rhyme for ****,
and singers that told you that your writing is too good to quit,
hold onto the walks on the phone,
getting to remember every graffiti and every drain,
remember the taste of fear and the rain,
tell a transvestite they are cute without realizing what you are saying,
and remember that your last bar tab means you CAN't leave withoot paying,
even though you do(not on purpose),
remember to smile at every hobo,
and never forget the words to "Sweet Caroline",
Keep in mind how much your friends mean to you,
regardless if it is Jernastos or Driven,
but even your Hello Poetry stalker too,
rejoice in the fact you will know what it feels like to be in love again,
even if it something that doesnt work out in the end,
cherish the nights she made you feel like age never existed,
and how you woke up every morning with a craving in your heart,
you had to force reboot and restart,
feel the sand between your fingers,
and the burgers on your tounge,
the taste only a Hawaiian PalMal can bring,
but most of all,
dont forget to sing,
sing loudly,
sing loudly when no one is around,
sing loudly when there is a little light you found,
take pictures with strangers,
and put yourself in very new dangers,
you are doing fine kid,
so keep your head up and smile,
because in a short while,
you will be in and out of a paradise,
writing a poem to "Somewhere over the rainbow"
smiling too big,
because you know
that you were the kid you were writing to,
a year ago.

Dear dream girl,

Before I let the words unfurl
Let me thank you for meeting me there.
It's a place I know but have never been,
It's ground soft, like a nostalgic sin,
And I wait,
Wait for a sound or a feeling,
Sortof sitting, sortof kneeling,
You are there.
How you found the lair,
Or why we started talking were questions
I would not far,
to ask or know
Your face would change in your tone,
I had my bottle and you had your phone,
But neither of us would let go of them.
You didn't like talking unless I said something first,
And I was always left with a thirst.
There were walls like we were somewhere artificial,
Manufactured for a short use time;
I didn't reply, but you said "it will be fine".

The walls have reel to reel projectors,
With a hum of ghostly patriotic defectors,
With a weird blue tint,
Memories of terrible heartache stints,
My demons playing on the left
Every time I yelled or was jealous,
And zooming in it shows your smile
Or the sadness on the other end of the phone,
Or the craving to be with me at home,
And on the right was you putting walls up,
Fighting on things that now really don't matter,
Zooming in on me smiling,
Or the me just getting sadder.

I asked you to meet me here tomorrow,
Because I'll take all the time I can borrow,
The door closes,
And I'm awake.

From toes still in the water,
With love.

It's late and I don't know why I am writing,
What demons am I fighting?
The mourning of a past,
Filled with "regrets and gratitude",
And a dance never asked,
Another drink to pass the time,
Another cigarette to fill an empty line,
Drummers that don't have anything to say,
And singers filled with too much nostalgia,
I can't shake it,
What else is there but another cart to gather,
Making sense like a shampoo that doesn't lather,
Try to be the former and less the latter,
No sense.

Bathed in darkness and blue light from the monitor,
I realized I loved you,
danced with the black and integrated in ink,
I realized I loved you,
it wasnt until tonight when I say on my bed,
I realized I loved you,
when I held my breath during every pause,
I realized I loved you,
you are far away, but I watch the moon as you do and at that moment,
I realized I loved you,
I wanted to say it to you but the words slink and slide like my tongue has turned to sand,
I realized I loved you,
holding hands with my own fate and accepting the fact it happened,
I realized I loved you,
and I am alright with that.

A place that is rarely closed,
And welcomes all with their woes,
With a light and a beer,
Everyone is equal and entitled here,
The Pouncer Briest and his menagerie,
Opens the door to freaks and geeks to partake in the breath seeing pageantry,
Say nothing at all or all too much,
And leave when you want,
You won't hear a curse or a taunt,
The neon lights are faded ideals that have been all but snuffed oot,
Half the draw and 50% of the appeal,
That brings our lost souls with lanterns to forget what we feel,
Enough food for thought,
withoot ever getting a free meal,
And nothing feels really real,
So put on your masks and keep your names,
Have a smoke and a beer to forget the pains,
Come one, come all,
The Sanctuary has placed the call.

I am Scott Pilgrim withoot,
getting the awkward happy ending.

It's not something so easy to get,
Waiting for a reply,
Not wanting to have your name the last two times,
So you lie,
And send  another,
Underanalyzing to overanalyze
But you're pressuring too much,
So grab a crutch,
And ask a someone close,
Theyll ask you,
Are you in the gittyness or the get over it my friend?

You look at 'em funny,
And it's not because you don't have no money,
Because you've never had money to change your mind,
It's not the gain grin or drop of a smile,
Or a laugh that sounds different,
Like moving in a different apartment,
That's in the same building,
Are you in the gittyness, or the get over it?

There's no answer,
No answer I know anyhow,
Just depends on which side of the road you think you're standing on

There was only that, as my world faded, people and sound alike, all that's left is a smile and view, but in the days it felt new, now a memory like a star in night, it makes the darkness run in fright, in small pockets of my mind it shines bright, the music swaying up the seats and rows, a conversation that will never end slows, as my eyes can't shake, that smile you make, its been years and we've both grown, but on nights when I feel like the world wants me alone, I can still see the bay, and when you touched my hand and asked if I'll stay.

More I write,
aboot her,
it might make her real.

I'm outside of nowhere,
Knocking on door,
You're going to ask what's in store?
But I couldn't tell you,
It's white, but glows black and blue,
with nothing holding it,
But still standing like it is a good fit,
I knock again,
Like a writer with a pen,
I feel like I will be happy once I go in,
But nervous because of how it might end,
Feeling a deep breath escape,
It opens.

It was on the walk while surrounded by dizzy  
stillness and birds' song,
Invoked in a desperate last gasp
It was all too apparent with the spinning nothingness of this street
Swirled and unapologetically driven by nonsense except in smatterings
while looking down a street
looking for a cigarette,
The reality in facing reality hits me,
like a swift kick in the nuts
when the Gardener looks at me with those,  uneasy eyes,
The walk continues as
the colors inked with rusted mailboxes
etched with dying roses synch grey skies
and grey...sweatshirts
The walk feels well worn
and I stand in unconvinced understanding,
That I was no longer nauseous.

We walked in to darkness,
putting off what we both know what it will bring,
as sadness began to flare, and anxiety started to sing,
we both looked up to stars,
knowing it's one thing that has always healed our scars,
I began to cry a bit,
knowing it was going to be a while till we got to sit,
and talk aboot how many views we got that day,
I said I love where the middle star in Orion sits,
because the darkest spot in the night sky,
is a lie,
its a gateway to every thing that has ever come to pass,
and as our cigarettes came to an, I was praying the final drags would last,
we smiled at each other with a knowing,
that in the morning I would be going,
with a sigh I put the night to and end,
talking aboot the pictures each of us need to send,
we said good night, with a belly full of lead,
the conversation never ends, but the cigarette is dead,
and we say,
sleep well and see you in the morning,
looking at you with eyes full of sad, we say I'll talk to you later,
but in my heart I am saying,
I love you Dad.

I stare at camera and say my final signoff,
"it's been wonderful America, and we'll chat tomorrow night"
30 years and a lot of fight,
I got to this point,
but I question why did I really want to read the news,
to show people different views?
but I'm not the one writing the script,
I guess I was always a pretty face,
and a deep voice,
why didn't I make the choice?
where I could show what really matters,
it's my final sign off,
and my integrity and local stardom may fade,
but it is ok,
with all the money I have made.

A spontaneous creation unmatched,
to create a conversation is not a  plan that can be hatched,
it happens without you know it had began,
and it ends and rebirths without knowing it can,
like a different show but all the actors the same,
it cant be loud nor tame,
but afterwords you feel proud,
because it happened,
and something inside of you was tapped in,
to be able to share something that is hard to do,
a spontaneous creation in lieu,
of you being human.

Under a new night sky,
Wondering if my past is a life that I didn't let die,
Or a reason to remind me how to feel alive,
Is it the gear that lets me drive,
Or is it a parking brake,
A new night sky,
With the same twinkle,
A new cup and different wrinkles,
Still the goofy smile,
And the anticlimactic trial,
That the jury is still oot,
Long days are long days,
And what they say are still what they says,
The night sky hasn't changed,
And the writing still feels a little deranged,
It's still the past stars,
And the flashing lights of karaoke bars,
Just more cowboy hats,
I'm still adjusting to my same night sky,
And the past is a story that is a disastrously beautiful lie,
That I didn't let die,
Because my future depends on it

I walked into the dark cafe,
or was it bar?
thick with smoke, blood and confidence,
you could only see so far,
but I could see angst looking at their glass,
and nostalgia was dazed,
stuck thinking aboot yesterdays,
forever searching through a maze,
with no exit,
sadness is sitting with anxiety,
in between silences they talk aboot society,
while happiness tells me to smile,
with a certain style,
I tell them I need a beer,
or was it a coffee?
I do smile.
Anger comes up and tries to start a fight,
but redemption feeling the need to do right,
breaks it up,
To much noise and a black eye,
I say with a smiling sigh,
Time to write.

Little light around,
and this highways empty sound,
is playing with the tune in a way,
that makes it start to seem real,
I really don't know what to feel,
but the mountains are off in the distance reasoning with my new day,
but Bob Dylan is singing to me, "a simple twist of fate"
I can't help but smile.

It's snowing,
And the blood is pumping and flowing,
How did I get here?
Was it due to anger, or fear?
I just remember a card game,
And a bad hangover,
There's a man preaching and I can't see,
I guess this is perfect for me,
I asked for a shot,
But they gave me a bottle,
I asked to see the mountains,
And they poured the whiskey down my throat,
And cut eye holes,
I can't complain but still called them goats,
Or *******,
It's gotten blurry,
The snow kicks up in a flurry,
Guess we all got that time,
But no one has got a watch,
Life always ends with a knot,
Of things we did and should have not,
The sun breaks as twilight sets in behind the mountains,
As if God himself is pulling up a chair,
And taking a seat,
The ground opens up beneath my feet.
And it all fades to black,
With the sound of a snap.

It was the moment,
In between when the mushrooms kicked in,
And my heart blowing oot,
As heaven was destroying and rebuilding,
All the holes,
The music took hold,
And my smile made me bold,
The car ride seemed so far,
But closing my eyes I realized I am already there,
Scenes playing like a movie I had seen,
Just all of the sets aren't the same,
And all the actors have different names,
The smile is still there

It's the night,
before another rotation,
things feel right,
unspoken words,
have turned into one way actions,
elusive internet *******,
replaced by the piggle wiggle's,
chainsaw snoring,
the room smells of seroquel, feet,
and the helping of hope,
sticks from a recovery melted poet,
legs of jell-o,
mood of mellow,
dancing twilight in a skyline,
of building and buses,
a year ago he was drunk,
and jail was his entitlement a week,
later,
two years and more,
have evaporated to chemicals and nights that no longer exist,
and lust,
and fair share of unalibitical rust,
the sounds and smells he's,
holding onto this year,
the only hourglass sand bits,
not fallen through, for the feels of fear,
will only disappear,
Birthdays in rehab,
birthdays ad non infinitum,
courtships of programming & meetings,
the poet,
now producing naturally foreign unforced smiles,
better get his sponsor,
to sign his slip.

I saw him at the bar,
ordering the drinks that I order,
he's spilling drinks with my friends,
but I keep drinking alone at the bar,
he danced and said things that made 'em laugh,
I say that they aren't laughing with him,
but I keep drinking at the bar,
he smiles and waves and I think I'm gonna puke,
I fill up the sink and my head tossed in,
look to the left and see him again,
head in the water too,
I think why does he look like a clown,
take my head oot of the water and see,
a reflection of a clown staring at me,
I take another drink at the bar alone

Dear nostalgic memories,
I think of you as the wind smiles into a breeze,
almost like this sleeping city is making it ease,
lights are coming to life as my cigarette is dying,
the sleepy warmth and moonlight glow,
is something I am starting to love, to know,
watching from my own little spot,
a sense of ease and a feeling of dread,
come sweeping in waves inside my head,
to feel longing for what has been said and done,
and a hope for what is to come,
I am like the dancing dead,
I should be asleep and in bed,
but the lack of comic mischief,
and cosmic drama,
are keeping me away,
making my little stairwell,
one of my many pieces of heaven,
in a life that can feel like hell,
so I will sit here and pay the price,
of not sleeping tonight and not waking tomorrow,
because I can feel the ocean breeze, and for once in a long time in my life,
I can say,
I just feel nice.

I'm done trying to write,
So I'm going to write.

I kept searching through a
catalogue of memories,
And soon-to-be's,
Trying to find some great metaphor,
Or situation to use,
But it became borderline self abuse
Trying to find non-cliche *******,
But I'm done trying to right,

So I'm going to write -

'I miss you'
and well, the real question is
Who the **** wouldn't?

Your eyes hide a lot kid,
And that's what makes you frustrating
I can't tell if they are clear or fading,
But I kinda hope I never learn
So it forces towards me to discern,
If you really choose comfortability
That's ok lady gaga because your poker face
will never outpace your smile

That smile gives away more than your eyes,
The sudden urge to not when you know you're speaking beautiful lies
It shifts when you need to look away
And it's because you have to wear it every day
It's easy for someone to miss
the subtle ways.

And you, you're as subtle as a chainsaw,
To the people that actually see you.

Staring at empty screens and pages,
I must have read this ******* sentence through multiple ages,
but my mind drifts away,
they used to call me Holden,
I dont have half a head of grey hair I would say,
jumbled in my jaw,
and feeling bare and raw,
I need to do something aboot this,
but why cant I just attain a certain degree of bliss?
Is it because I want my life to be a sad poem,
at least that's what she said on the phone,
maybe she was right?
I'm in love with being a tragedy at the end of the night,
need a reason to be in my room,
to shake this feeling I might have till I am dead,
then I noticed,
I forgot to make my bed.

I put off writing this,
For then it becomes,
Real,
Like a scared kid with a,
Shadow in the room,
I chose to hide from it,
But pictures of pieces,
Still loom,
The surround sound sad songs,
Have all started rhyming the same,
And the soliloquies have all gone
Silent,
I'm just trying to be happy for you,
But even when thoughts drift away,
The feelings linger,
Crooked parkway signs,
And certain looks,
In young lovers eyes,
Sounds,
Bring it all back,
It is real,
And I'm just trying to be happy for you,
Memorial officials to weddings,
In dances of words,
No one,
But you,
Will understand,
Promises of undone cigarettes,
With entwined mountain town dreams,
And names like June,
Prayers in a house that reads,
"Isnt death always at a funeral"
We will move on from fantasy and foreplay,
Because It is real,
And,
I will be happy for you tomorrow,
Today,
I just need to be sad.

A person alone,
standing somewhere unknown,
a parking garage's top floor,
looking on people at the movies and casinos in score,
every one looking forward while one stares down,
at all that inhabit this big city small town,
the families and singles alike,
trying to escape their stationary bike,
hearing barely intelligible dreams and bemoans,
no one notices the person above alone,
the mountains mingling with skyscrapers and skylines,
all looking no one searching for something to take off their minds,
there's a cool chill,
and the person soon drunk enough of the scene to have their fill,
but doesn't back even when it starts to snow,
for they have no where to go,
cept stare at the scene of beauty down below,
the pull their phone out and write this poem,
still no one looks up and sees the person alone.

The lights in Beijing,
They are trying to imitate the stars,
Their falsehoods only ring true with the right song,
They only loose their deception in fake smiles,
And long standing words,
That have only little meaning left,
The waves in honolu,
Are trying to be the calming breath,
They only loose their depth,
When you cant believe your back at smitty's again,
When you see your last 5 spot,
And you know where it's going,
They can't calm you to sleep anymore,
The mountains in Denver are wanting to be Gods,
But they loose their glory in giant snow storms,
That make you feel like your fingers itch and numb,
Their Godhood is called into question when she won't wake up in bathroom stall,
And when you can't see the stars,
The heated wind in Phoenix,
Wants to be your warm blanket,
It just looses it's luster when you want to open your eyes to who you are,
When you can't breathe because of looks from far away people in far away minds,
And if you just need that cigarette to put the day behind you

The lights in Beijing shine true,
When the right song comes on,
And their glow is the hope that's left,

The waves in ol' Honolu breathe calm,
When you decide to go home,
And see your hopeful tomorrow,
Waves

The Mountains in Denver,
Are paying Godly attention,
When the sun comes a shining,
And remind you exactly where you are at,
The whisper,
It's exactly where you need to be

The hot windy days in Phoenix,
Show their comfort,
Dancing with dust and spinning with leaves,
The love of life always around,
And no matter where you are,
You just might be home.

"Outside fat snowflakes are falling on slanted roofs"
an end of early times whiskey,
with a name that is too perfect,
is at its last shot,
my last cigarette in hand,
I take my time to enjoy both.
The sun is rising.

Some day,
you will,
see me on the history channel

Bella donna are you smiling?
let me hold you tight,
and take away your pain tonight,
as friends is fine,
I'm so **** cheesy I know you don't know what side of the line,
you are leaning towards today,
because I'll always chase you,
a hopeless romantic born this way
even if you aren't mine,
just smile,
I'll stay longer than the expected while,
run from me for you,
but don't run because you have to,
there is no protecting me with your back,
so smile,
because kid I swear by the moon and the sun,
you look so much better with one

Another bus ride,
Seeing the cities as a tide,
Taking it in for a brief moment,
Witnessing humanity's atonement,
A collective of its wonder,
As the streets and the construction ring across the ocean like thunder,
But as I sit I also pay attention to it's greatest blunder,
Old lady,
Standing while a young person stares down at a phone,
Do they see her?
But a kid in the back,
Grabs her bag and helps her into the seat,
In one simple feat,
The balance of human's plays in synch,
I stand with headphones in,
My eyes absorbing life that exists,
On this small city bus,
The enchantment flirting with love and lust
My music is playing my soundtrack,
To their lives

I cant deny it,
another night of a lonesome fit,
craving to be in love with someone all over again,
but to craven to talk to a girl even then,
just wanting to not go through the steps,
at the same time I do,
I guess I am just a mess,
and fall in love with every girl that shows me the least bit of kindness,
or attention,
so I'll sit in my isolation detention,
dreaming of a girl who's face is gone every time I wake,
chasing an invisible girl for chasing's sake,
and this ****** big bed has teeth,
I just need some beautiful thief,
to steal some covers.

Dear the girl over there,
I dont mean to stare,
its hard not to,
I know I really dont know you,
and you havnt made the move,
but you havnt stopped smiling either,
maybe together we can make new believers,
to love in a place that seems to being loosing a lot,
So lets grab hands and go to a spot,
where we can sing loudly and whisper things no one cares aboot,
I'll get my suit,
you get your dress,
and we will destroy the all you can eat buffet and laugh at our mess,
So take my hand and we will go to the moon,
and make the lovers that swoon,
all jealous that we dont try so hard,
so consider me a tuneless bard,
with bad rhymes,
and fly by the seat of your pants
and take a chance,
it will be fun,
I promise.

You kept changing from one door to the next,
I couldn’t reach you in time like every ex,
You’d step through a door and I would try to fallow,
But every room had been cleared and hallow,
I reached finally and grabbed your arm and looked in the eyes,
And you were beautiful,
But you said you need to go,
With eyes of hate and anger was now all you could show,
And to let to let go of her arm,
I begged you to please don’t,
And you said you wont,
My satellite ran into your semi in the sky,
And we both flew down to earth,
So I let go of your arm.

Another night,
Messages on Skype,
Laughing at robotic replies,
A robot that needs to deny,
And then sends a link to a webcam site,
He likes to laugh at his own responses
Every night,
He tells the ai you are violating the three laws,
But all he hears is his own laughing applause,
Same 4 responses he reads everytime,
But nevertheless he comes up with a more and more witty line,
He gets fired and drinks more,
The messages are coming in but still the same 4 responses from the night before,
Then drunk and sad wanting to throw his phone,
He gets a message saying, "come see my **** cams baybay"
He types in all caps, "*******!
LEAVE ME ALONE YOU PROGRAM, SPECIALLY TODAY"
The robot responds,
"Are you ok?"

I did it again,
letting myself fall in,
before learning how to swim,
learning by now should have come fast,
but looking at my track record of the past,
I failed,
Meeting you again after the years swam by,
it was a beautiful lie,
that I was hoping rang true,
after only talk for a few days of talking to you,
I watched the walls fall into my hearts blue,
why was it so easy?
to let them fall,
but your smile made my heart stall,
like a tripped up teenager again,
I wanted this to be real, this beautiful sin,
I could have been less cheesy for truth,
but it came naturally like kissing in a phone booth,
and it spilled out in ways I hate,
saying your beautiful too early instead of late,
this sick feeling for someone I hardly know,
guess its time to go,
and start placing the bricks,
so my hopeless romantic side doesn't show.

I guess this was needed,
to get over feeling defeated,
and start the rebuilding,
might change my mind tomorrow,
but today I am smiling through the sorrow,
and realizing I had gold,
that everyone was telling me, including the jewler, that it was fools,
that I should fold,
I walked around with you in my pocket and in my head,
always remembering the kindly evil words you said,
evil now because they its me they haunt,
but kindly because its the words I want,
I would  have asked for another dance,
but its too late and the band has left and were no longer in the right stance,
we dont even talk and thats fine,
because I can walk around with my memories,
and know you were once mine,
but I threw the gold in the river bed,
and both our phones are dead,
I'll smile for today,
and I'll smile towards yesterday's way,
ask me tomorrow night if I am fine,
I'll tell you to it was a journey and not a line,
we all have to reach the end point some before some,
I'll take a step towards the left,
and follow a second rising sun.

That was it,
my greatest fear,
bringing my greatest tear,
a old man unable to keep his hands still,
there is no cure, no pill,
to make it stop,
he stood there unable to stop the shaking,
unable to to be the one faking,
its getting worse and I can feel it,
I can see not being able to write a little bit,
and I am terrified.
My future standing in front of me,
like seeing an island when out to sea,
I know I will get there,
so I keep my hopes up and down I stare,
at the man who can't stop or grip a pen,
there is a now and always a then,
and my fate of being unable to do,
wishing to stop and feel new,
but I have to accept,
I'll be that old man too

I've idealized you,
Making something false true, Thrown into a stew, Of falsehoods that feel new, I would have given the moon, But now I must look at the reflection in the pool, And admit I was a fool, So off my chin I wipe away the drool, To forever love something ideal, So how will I know what I feel is real?

I am the pillow you scream into,
the wall you are punching through,
the highway you are speeding,
a hand on your shoulder,
the reminder that you exist,
I am the words, "******* world!"
with undertones of it being alright,
I am the rock you skip,
the ground that forces you to sit,
because your legs quit,
the perfect song playing at the worst times,
and the perfect poem with the worst rhymes,
I am the sigh of relief,
and the sun shining when the clouds are out,
I am the smile when you need to pout,
the distance,
and late night phone calls from friends you forgot,
but never stopped loving,
I am the photographs you hold,
and what the drug dealers sold,
I am the start it all over new,
I am the pillow you scream into.

Being loved,
when no one asked,
is a weird feeling.

Sponsor numbers,
and Ibprophen,
reading,
feeding,
what's for breakfast tomorrow?
Hope with a guilty side,
Chinaski hidden in a,
recovery library,
words to the poet,
a secret vice,
are nostalgic tremors,
a giggle for the unknown,
terminal uniqueness,
and a desk map with no ****,
pray for the piggly wiggly roommate,
the hope overpowers the guilt,
and the coffee makes,
me smile,
a good day,
a better,
turn,
click.

Five words that make my heart smile,
"it's time for Dodger baseball",
He says in the same voice,
That has lasted the many generations by choice,
It's hot and the traffic thick,
Just passing magic mountain so quick,
I'm young and my dad,
Asks if I know what is going on,
It's 510 ktla,
And I know I have the memories messed,
But here we are blessed,
With the one am that plays his voice,
All by choice,
Even if there were other stations that dial my dad wouldn't touch on a dare,
At the time I didn't care,
But I hear ol' Vin saying it's going, going,
Gone.
Some no name,
Game,
That doesn't even matter now,
But forever instead,
The game the game and the voice that,
got us through the end of the hills,
And the beginning of grapevine,
Will always be in my head,
This is 510 KTLA(orwhatitactuallywas)
What another great game
This my friends is Dodger baseball,
As it fades to static.

I always fall,
into someone's soul,
everytime I am here.