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 Aug 2013 the kid
idk
i used to be the girl who didn't eat,
the girl with the voice in the back of her mind tell her awful things about herself
i was the girl who didn't want anyone elses help
refused it
the way my friends looked at me
made me proud
proud to know i knew something they didn't
proud to know i was hiding something
often they'd ask
"are you hungry?"
"why aren't you eating?"
"you're not turning anorexic are you?"
and even coming from your friends those words can hurt
and you can shake it off
smirk it off
walk away
but knowing a little of that was a bit of truth made me all clear to you
they knew
they said
"i'm only trying to help"
yeah trying to help me get fat
i thought
those demons in my mind
the way i looked at myself in the mirror
all i saw
HATE
my legs
to huge
hated them
my stomach
brings me back to that summer day
i was ready
ready to swim
and was finally feeling confident
had just bought a new bikini and was so excited
put my new bikini on
and my cousin comes in and says
"you're stomach is disgusting'
do you know how that feels to have someone say you're stomach is disgusting
made me feel ******
made me feel insecure
as insecure as id ever been
i covered up from there on
i stayed in
i made sure no one saw me
i kept cover
and until this day
i'm still that girl
with the thoughts that haunt me and tell me
"no one hates you more than you hate yourself"
"you're stomach is disgusting"
"you're fat, worthless, useless"
and until this day i struggle with the reality of ever living up to MY reality
of looking in the mirror and seeing what i want to see
and dreading the fact that ill never be
the girl with the pretty smile, so skinny and perky personality
and even those girls
have so much (on the inside) you don't see
a little story about my past, opening up a little i'll admit, i wish i could still be the girl i used to be, happy, but i know ill never fully get back to that place, makes me strive harder to get to that place, but the more i strive its like taking a step forward and fifty steps back
 Aug 2013 the kid
Raven M Coulter
Locked up tight, like i would never feel again
Terrified,
And all those selfish hands always wanting more,
So young when the pain had begun
Now forever afraid of being loved
I was left to fend on my own,
Im damaged goods and Ive made so many mistakes
that cant be undone,
What happened to the image of being strong
Was I wrong?
Was love never the book i was meant to read.
It got to where they would cut me to watch me bleed,
I was weak and it was inescapable.
And the disney movies never tell what happens after the credits roll
Maybe thats my cue to just let go.
There's only so many minutes left before i ultimately drown,
There's no other way im going down but in the same shame i began with
Let alone, with no love the way i started this
Dying, unwanted, decaying on my own,
Ive been brusied and broken ,
left used and choking
I know ill never fall again,
I cant escape this fate
My life is meant for heartache
Do not tell me that you have time to prove yourself!
You have one day...
If that.
A mere time frame of 86,400 seconds is quite demanding to build an entire social status if you'd ask me.
A single glance from a student who's deemed themself higher than the others can determine the next four years of your life.
Don't tell me that we all have equal opportunities!
"Equal opportunities" is a term we use to make ourselves feel self-righteous while simultaneously destroying others, uncaringly.
I've seen specs of dust given more attention than the human life.
I've seen students overlooked as if they weren't even standing there...
As if they were thin air.
We vacuum dust, because we don't want it there.
Do you give them the same effort?
Don't tell me that we all live in the same world!
We see Earth through confident and bold eyes,
but I've seen others who see Earth through torn eyes.
Have you ever had your entire view distorted and stretched before cascading down into a irrecognizable blob of vision before escaping you, only to repeat the process?
I haven't, but I have seen others do so.
How? Why?
I've seen kids eyes glazed with tears day after day,
So much so that the tears violently escape with every chance they get to separate themselves because separation is their only substitution for acceptance!
They don't live, they merely drag themselves through life.
But life's a brutal ride for them.
You chain them to the back of a car and take off, smiling, subconsciously realizing what you're doing, but you refuse to admit it because you're a "good person".
They're not treated like the rest, they're an object, not a life...
Not a friend.
The extent of their connections are only the jagged rocks that you dig into them, their emotional scars growing larger, gaping so wide to swallow the world...
But the world's already swallowed them.
Their emotions are created by pills and drugs and counselors and parents who just don't understand.
Teachers try to teach, but the children learn only of cruelty and not of knowledge.
Don't tell me that they're not strong enough to face our world!
Persecution is simply the evasion of your own persecution.
But your persecution doesn't exist, not when you're armed greater than any military force on the planet.
You're armed with the rocks and missiles of emotion.
So brutal to take a life... but that's called their own suicide...
Then the blame's on them, not you...
I've seen spirits built, but I've also seen hearts shattered like a pane of glass tossed angrily off the Empire State Building by a single word.
No.
Ugly.
Stupid.
I've seen boys act like men, their actions larger than their capabilities.
I've seen them make executive decisions, but not about themselves.
Oh no, they wouldn't dare.
They condemn others potential.
So much so that their target believes it.
After all, hiding behind invisible scars isn't quite a good camouflage.
I've seen four mere letters **** lives.
...WHEN THREE CAN BRING THEM BACK!!!
Don't tell me that they need to build confidence!
...when you're the one who took it away.
Their building is limited to walls, not to keep others out, but to close the scars.
You don't see their effort.
Invisible scars aren't quite a spectacular sight.
I've seen glazed-eyed, broken-hearted, emotionally bruised, invisibly scarred kids say "I'm fine".
Each day.
To avoid further attacks.
The attacks bombarding them in their dreams!
While you float off into your escape land, they live with the shadow of death peering over them.
The pleas every night, accompanied by the all-too-familiar scent of tears fill the room, as their souls scream the constant longing for happiness.
But with invisible scars, come muted voices...
I've seen the attacks of others break a kid down so far that they cease to say a word or accept friendships.
Don't tell me that they're anti-social!
And don't tell me that they're fine!
I've seen kids walk with a drooped walk and eyes at the ground, because when their eyes meet another students, memories will flash.
Memories that they can't face.
Memories that people have created.
We're all guilty in some degree or another.
That's they irony.
Memories that were created...
By us.
 Aug 2013 the kid
thrcy
She made you her priority
all she wanted was your honesty
you could have also shown your loyalty
but you missed the opportunity
now she's gone for good for treating her so ******
the girl just wanted a little consistency
could have been more heartily
boy all you showed was just atrocity
and you thinking it was some sort of comedy?
that girl has no more patience and generosity
at least what you could do is give her an apology
treat her more equally
act more responsibly
show her some harmony
stop showing her hypocrisy
and maybe, possibly
she'll considerably
forgive you for your cruelty
but this time, treat her more like royalty
she'll be yours significantly
 Aug 2013 the kid
M
The love of my life never loved me back.
We only kissed once, and she had a crush on
some other guy anyway.
But I couldn't get enough of her.
Whenever she cried I felt
like I couldn't breathe.
And the next time I would
see her smile my pulse would quicken,
as if my blood was trying to get out to
show her that our hearts were
still pounding at us.
And who knows. Maybe love will come
back to me. Maybe this time it will
look at me and smile.
But I will always remember that kiss.
The way she leaned towards me in the dark
so she could deny it ever happened in the morning
and filled me with such electricity
I wanted to cry, because I've never felt
more alive than when I was on fire.
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