He leans back
Cracks open a beer
Watching the girl be loves spin around
With his beautiful 5 year old daughter
The sun is out
The grass is green
There's a football game on in the background
He takes it all in, memory by memory
And he mutters
**"It's a helluva life"

She thought he was everything.
A lover
A friend
A protector
A secret keeper
She loved him with her whole heart.
She never imagined that he would leave it in pieces.
She gave him all that she was as a person, expecting him to treasure her.
But he didn't care.
He never cared.
It was all a big game.
He lied
He cheated
He took her for granted.
It wasn't until 2 years after she dropped everything for him that she found out he wasn't loyal.
She discovered his lies
She cried and cried and cried.
He didn't beg her to stay
Didn't tell her he loved her
She felt like a fool for playing his game
So she left
And started a new life
Better
Stronger
She's putting her pieces back together, one by one.

She was witty
Outgoing
Intelligent
Some might even call her silly.
She was a friend
A leader
A role model
A lover.
She was a people pleaser
Wished for the good of everyone.
But she only had one problem.

She had a secret.

It was no small secret.
It haunted her.
Every day
Every night
Every time she relaxed.
She couldn't escape it
Though she tried.
It was her past, and who can run from their past?

Nobody knew.
Not even her parents
Or friends
Or teachers
Or anyone who could help her.
She refused to tell because it was humiliating
But she couldn't help that it happened to her.
She lost her trust
Her sense of security
All within 15 minutes.

She was young
Didn't know any better
She followed him like a dog
He had lured her in and abused her.
Sexually and physically.
She ran home crying, but no one was there.
Not a person she could tell
Not a person who could soothe her.

And as she grew older, she finally began to understand the horrid experience she had been through.

Now she holds scars.
Physically and emotionally
But those very scars are what make her stronger every single day.
She refused to let some abusive pervert ruin her life
And she moved on
Lived on
Didn't let that stop her from being the beautiful strong woman she is today.

Promise me you'll never leave.

I remember when I said that. I made him promise from the bottom of his heart that he was mine forever. And he made that promise.

So much for keeping it.

All I can see now is his face and the slamming of the door that he walked out of.
He left me, heartbroken and deserted, with no one to look after me, no one to care for me.

He knew I was young. He knew that I would be more affected by a break-up than his normal girlfriends.

But he was experimenting.
He didn't care what happened to me to begin with.
He never wanted to be with me
He just wanted to be with someone younger.
A lot younger.

I lost everything when he left.
My pride
My sense of security
My trust
Now what am I left with? A box full of pictures, several of his old t-shirts, and a lifetime of demolished memories.

They  always said first heartbreaks are the worst, but I never expected this.

I'm learning, day by day, how to put one foot I front of the other again. It's not easy, but I'm making progress.

I just hope that he doesn't try to walk his way right back into my life.

Cuz I'm scared I  might be stupid enough to fall right back for him again.

You always told me you wanted the best. The best food, the best clothes, the best house, and you always said I was the best guy.

But what if that wasn't enough? What if one day you woke up and realized you could do better? I never thought that day would come, until it did.

You caught me completely off guard when you said it.
I'm not happy.
I had done everything in my power to prevent you from ever thinking those words, but now, it can't be taken back.

So now you'll go off exploring the world, like you always wanted to do.
And I'll still be here, reminiscing the times we spent together.
You'll move to Paris, or Greece, or some romantic city, and you'll become a writer, putting your dreams down in words.
I'll decide to be a construction worker, because I've never had any real talent for anything besides simple jobs.
You'll get into all these social events and parties and tell yourself that this is what you want.
And I'll travel, meeting all sorts of women, all while constructing buildings.
You'll get your heart broken by some Greek speaking player who never really loved you.
I'll have a different lover each night.
And you'll decide to come back to America where you want to find your long lost love from so long ago.
I'll remember the girl I fell for when I knew what love was.
Maybe we'll meet somewhere down the road. Maybe not.

But now I'm still trying to convince you to change your mind about leaving.

I'm not saying you're perfect, and I know that I'm far from it, but maybe if you stayed, and I learned how to keep you happy, maybe we could fall in love all over again.

The best kind of love, just like what you always wanted.

It all happened too suddenly.
To quick for him to realize.
They'd gotten in a fight just before she left,
And the last words he spoke to her were "stupid *****"

Now she's gone. Forever.
He regretted nothing more than those 2 words.
Now he was to live without her for the rest of his long lonely life.

Sitting outside the funeral home, dreading going in, the first tear falls from his face,
And "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd ironically playing in the background.
**** radio stations. Always knew how to bring out the weakness in a person.

A picture of her remains in his wallet
So that she will be with him wherever he goes.

He knows that she will be watching over him
His very own guardian angel.
And every night he prays for forgiveness of the final words he spoke to her.

He's learning how to live again, step by step, and eventually he will return to normal.
He didn't think he'd be this shook up to lose her,
But God knows what can come over you when you lose the one you love.

I left him.
It was quick and brief, but I left him. Someone so dear to me.
I'd only known him for the summer, but he managed to pull out an I Love You
Those three words caught me completely off guard, and I panicked.
So I left that town faster than he could say "please stay"
And now, flying down highway 88, I'm forced to remember every little detail.
Every kiss.
Every touch.
Every soft, gentle word spoken in the moonlight on top of my garage.
I remember all the times he would comfort me.
All the feelings I spilled out to him.
All the secrets revealed.
All the warm embracing hugs.
I remember how he used to sit behind me, wrapping his arms around me and entwining his hands in mine, and he would rest his head on my shoulder and kiss my neck.
Looking back, I can't remember a genuine reason why I left. All I know is that the only thing stopping me from saying 'I love you' back to him was my own fear of falling in love.
It's why I ran and its why I broke his heart.
Now I'm off to the east coast, particularly Boston.
He'll know to find me there. I always told him how it was my dream to move there.
And when he finds me, I will not hesitate. I will not resist.
I will crawl right back to him if that's what it takes.
And maybe, just maybe, I could finally have a happy ever after of my own, with the boy who made me whole.

She furiously takes notes in geometry class
He throws a paper plane across the room
She gets out her neatly written homework
He gets out a scratch paper with drawings on it
She maintains straight A's
He's lucky to get a D+
She has a strict curfew of 9:00 pm
He stays out all night
She daydreams about what could be
He steps up for what he wants
She reads Shakespeare
He reads... Well he doesn't
She drives the latest model of the Honda civic
He's lucky if his '76 Toyota will start
She's only loved honor students
He's only loved her
She pays no attention to him
He begs for her notification
She graduates top of her class
He barely gets by
She goes off to college
He stays and becomes a mechanic
She marries rich and lives wealthily but bitterly
He regrets the concealed feelings he never shared

10 dates
9 ice cream cones
8 bouquets of flowers
7 corny jokes
6 gifts exchanged
5 wishes made
4 secrets told
3 drive-in movies
2 willing people sharing
1 indestructible love

He decided to put it off.
To not tell her how he really felt.
He thought it would change things,
And boy did it, but not how he expected....

He thought she would climb mountains and cross rivers to earn his love.
He thought he was too good for her.

When in reality, she was the one to escape when she didn't get what she wanted.

Her instincts told her he was bad news. But like any other adolescent wreck, she desired a bad boy. Her best friend accused her of insanity as she fell for the motorcycle-riding, cigarette-rolling, tattooed rebel. But she simply ignored it.

You had to give him props: he wasn't all bad:
He made her feel special, made her feel wanted. Held her hand in public, took her for romantic rides, listened to her as she spilled her feelings out to him on top of his garage, gazing longingly at the stars.

But as soon as it came down to the three magic words, he let his opportunity slide right by him.

From then on, he played hard to get, not opening up to her as easily, and the signs were clear as crystal to her.

She left him in a heartbeat.

Now he lies alone, yearning for the days when he has someone to hold.
He was afraid to admit he missed her, but missing her was all that he knew to do.

Now riding her very own Harley Davidson, she rides off into the night, forgetting the boy who refused to admit he loved her..

Maybe it was something I did. Something I said. Something that could've been avoided, maybe not.
I could've waited, stalled a little longer, but I couldn't hold back the words that changed you.
They tried to tell me how crazy I was, chasing after a carnie. But I was stupid enough not to listen.
They tried to tell me that I was just gonna end up crying with a broken heart, and I was rebellious enough to ignore it.
So now you'll go on with your life, leaving me behind.
And I'll regret the words I spoke too soon for the rest of my life.
You'll continue to be the wonderful carnie you are.
And I'll keep being the reckless little girl who fell in love with a carnie and never looked back.
We'll part ways as strangers who were once lovers, and you'll reminisce on the times we spent together.
I'll go become a chef, or a waitress, and hope you'll come into my restaurant and sweep me off my feet, just like that summer of pure happiness and freedom.
Girls will crawl backwards to be with you, but you'll know in your heart that none of them will ever be me, and I'll be tripping myself up trying to get over you.
You'll meet celebrities and singers and all sorts of beautiful women.
I'll earn a big time gig with a chef from Miami, or some big city, and move away, forgetting about you.
And you'll realize that the girl you left crying in the dirt was the girl you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and I'll look back at the pictures, remembering the carnie that I was stupid enough to fall for.
You'll come searching for me, while working your many carnivals, with your heart of steel on your sleeve.
We'll run into each other somewhere down the road, an awkward run-in, but an unforgettable one.
I'll remember how much I loved you and run right back into your arms, forgetting the life I had just built for myself.
But that is just a daydream of a helpless girl who just had her young fragile heart broken by the restless carnie who was bad enough to steal it from her.
And so for now, we forgive and forget, cherishing the summer of love, the summer of swiftness, and the summer of absolute certainty.