When I think of you leaving
I see hundreds of scenarios
And dialogs speed through my brain
In some of them, you're as sad as I am that you're leaving
In some, you pack your bags with angry words
But in every single one
There's a final hug,
There's me breaking down,
And begging you to stay,
There's you actually going
And leaving me all alone
You can't just make me fall in love with you
And then say, "Goodbye."
There's me wondering if you're happier,
There's always my paranoia,
I always imagine you meeting a girl,
I imagine you forgetting my face,
And my laughter,
Until I'm but a stranger
And that new girl is all that runs in your mind
There's me sitting by a phone waiting for a call
That I'll never receive
I see me being lonely and depressed
Because you took my heart with you when you left

Thoughts flow through my head
The words come so easy
My words spoken
My words written
They are so different
Yet I mean the same thing
I guess it must be
Better in a letter
Between me and the piece of paper
There is no lying
It’s just natural
The words flow through my pen
No reaction from the paper
Only to record what I want it to say
My true self, my true inside
These shine through
Alone in my thoughts
True words are written
My heart and head
Working together
They are embedded into words
Transferred to paper
These words are always better
Better in a letter
I can tell you all that I want to say
Once it is spoken
I can’t ever take it back
It’s already out there
I only have that one shot
To get it just right
What did you say?
What was I going to say
**** I lost it
I said it
I said what I meant
You don’t understand
Tell you again
What did I say
What did I mean
Let’s make this easy
I’ll write it all down
Give you this paper
With my all on it
It’s always
Better in a letter

You pointed at the door
And told me you were done trying
And that I'd be out of the house pretty soon
I realize that was supposed to be a threat
But I looked out the window
And found myself hypnotized
By the snow rising and falling
Performing a dance in the wind
And I thought about walking outside
With only the clothes on my back
21°
And as my hands turned blue
I'd realize how tired I was
And make a pillow in the snow
And curl up and go to sleep
And maybe, just maybe
I'd wake up in a better place

maybe it's the way he makes me feel
or how he always crosses my mind  
maybe it's the way he can make me laugh or even make me cry.
he has the power to make me happy
but the curse to burn my heart.
none of the negative affects me
because
we promised we'll never be split apart.
a promise is a promise
and for him that I'll always keep.

a person can get so connected
you know
when they're your sun
your moon
your stars.
it's impossible to image him not being there years in the future.

to me it's the way he's shy but yet again not at all  
every little thing about him makes me melt.
it starts to increase my fall.
his personality gives me goosebumps.
his smile makes my life.
he's literally a dream come true.

the thing that kills me inside
as if a demon went on strike,
is
he's 610.062
miles
away.
but I love him more
than he'll ever know.

ask anyone i know:
i have a tendency to forget things.

i forgot moose's middle name
my password
what day i have to go to the dentist
what i did yesterday
if i ate this morning
what year i stopped talking to ryan
the words to my favorite moldy peaches song
the name of a childhood friend
the book that i was supposed to return
the movie i was supposed to bring
the cookies i was supposed to bake
the smile i was supposed to smile
the words i was supposed to say

but this is only lately.
i used to remember everything

i thought my tactic of not thinking about the bad things
made the bad things not real

but it only makes me
forgetful

Music ease my tears, save me from this bottomless hole of sadness.
Music tease my ears, pleasure me and bring me happiness.